


Derailed

by Azile (LadyBlacklodge)



Series: Intersect Universe [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Adoption, Depression, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Back Together, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Second Chances, Sign Language, Single Parents, Suicidal Thoughts, Surrogacy, Therapy, Twins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 57,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27617741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyBlacklodge/pseuds/Azile
Summary: SEQUEL TO INTERSECT: After a horrific tragedy, Brian and his family must mourn and adjust to their new reality.
Relationships: Ben Bruckner/Michael Novotny, Brian Kinney/Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk), Brian Kinney/Original Male Character, Drew Boyd/Emmett Honeycutt, James "Hunter" Montgomery/Molly Taylor, Justin Taylor (Queer as Folk)/Original Male Character(s), Melanie Marcus/Lindsay Peterson, Ted Schmidt/Blake Wyzecki
Series: Intersect Universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/327266
Comments: 118
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said I would post this on Thursday but I decided to give Ao3 early access lol. I will post the second chapter tomorrow!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emmett and Drew drive to Philadelphia.

Emmett had been too nervous to drive. 

He learned to drive late. Twenty-Eight. He had never known how when he needed it the most - back in Hazlehurst where there was often no way to get around but the power of his own two feet and the sheer hope that they would be enough to get him to the stifling minimum wage job on Main Street almost two miles away. It had been a job he hated, but it was one he would forever be thankful for. It had gotten him a bus ticket to Jackson and, more importantly, a Greyhound from Jackson to Pittsburgh. It let him never look back. It let him find a real family. A family who had eventually taken it upon themselves to teach him how to drive. 

Michael had tried first. But they didn’t really have a vehicle to work with at the time, only one that had belonged to Vic, one that had gone to shit a couple of weeks after starting. 

Ted had tried next. But Ted just expected him to know things that he hadn’t. Ted also panicked every time Emmett tried to parallel park. But he had helped. Emmett got the basics down with him. 

It had been Brian, out of every person it could have been, who had made sure Emmett was confident enough to take the test. He also gave Emmett the most practice, despite Emmett never owning a car until he was 31. Someone had to make sure Brian got home when he was too drugged up to function. It’s strange to compare that Brian to the one he knows now. 

But despite that enlightening practice, Emmett has never _loved_ driving like some men did. His business is more successful than he could have predicted. He can hire people to drive the vans and trucks. He lives in an area where public transport is the norm. He drives when he has to. To pick up friends or Drew from the airport, to drive Duncan to and from if there are too many transfers that he doesn’t want to put his son through. Other than that, he still keeps his driving to a minimum, even when he’s feeling happy and confident about his day. 

And right now? With his heart racing as he tries not to go into a complete panic? It is an effort to even sit in the passenger seat without fidgeting too much. 

Leaving the driving to Drew had probably been the right choice. But Emmett still feels a spike of guilt when occasionally sees his partner’s hands shake as they hold onto the wheel. Seeing the unshed tears that glisten in the man’s eyes, ones that probably mirror his own, make him feel useless. 

Imagining how Brian must have felt as he made this same drive, probably not even seven hours ago, makes Emmett feel fucking sick.

“We don’t know anything yet,” Drew tells him gruffly, sniffling once, “We don’t know shit. They could pull through and be alright.”

Emmett swallows around the lump in his throat and presses his head back against the headrest, “Brian would have been able to call if it wasn’t serious. The doc...the doctor told us he was too distraught to speak. That Eric and Lily are in Intensive Care but what else? He could fucking tell us that, but nothing else? Why couldn’t he just tell us?”

A silence fills the car and Emmett knows that Drew knows no more than he does. He shouldn’t put that question on him, especially when that same question has to be running through his partner’s mind as well. 

“...It’s probably a HIPAA thing,” Drew finally responds, “Remember when I got hurt in my last game and was unconscious? And all the doctor told you was that I was sent to the ER and you needed to be there?”

“I fucking _hated_ that doctor,” Emmett gasps out, breath hitching, “But John called to tell me what was going on. He dropped the game to go with you and stayed until Scott and I flew in. I knew what was going on and there were more people there than you knew what to do with. Brian...Brian’s alone.”

Drew lets out a sad sigh, takes one hand off the wheel, and laces his fingers with Emmett’s.

“We’ll be there soon. We’ll make sure he isn’t alone.”

Emmett squeezes Drew’s hand tight and wipes at his eyes, “What if...What if they don’t make it? What if they’re already gone?”

Drew frowns and shakes his head, “You can’t think like that. They’re in Intensive Care. They’re not dead.”

“You saw the news,” Emmett cries, before covering his eyes with his free hand, “You saw how many people have already died, how serious some of the injuries are. It's not fucking fair! This kind of shit already happened to us once. Babylon was enough. It was cruel and terrifying but at least we knew...we KNEW the reason why they did it. Who does _this_? What kind of m-monsters cause a full train to derail, filled with people, all types of people they don't even know? Who...W-Who fucking shoots people at random, execution style, once it's crashed? Oh, _god_. Lily. She must have been so scared-” 

Emmett doesn't know what would have come out of his mouth next, other than the muffled sob. His whole depressing and frightening thought process is interrupted when Drew lets go of his hand and swerves over to the side of the road to put the car in park. 

“Listen to me,” Drew orders softly, “Are you listening?”

The question makes him feel more emotional. Any surge of exasperated affection that would have normally transpired in response to Drew borrowing Brian’s words is drowned by the sorrow and sheer confusion regarding what is currently going on with the man who has become his best friend. 

But, despite that, Emmett forces himself to meet Drew’s eyes, “...I’m listening.”

“We need to stay as positive as we can. Try to stay strong for Brian. For Eric and Lily. It's useless to get worked up about what we don't know yet.”

And Emmett _knows_ that. He knows. But it's hard when Brian won't answer the phone. Won't even text him back any type of hint on what's going on. It's hard because Eric is his friend too, and a close one at that. He loves him and Lily...Lily. Other than Duncan, he's never felt closer to another child. And how could he not? Duncan looks at her as if the sun and earth revolved around her mere presence. 

“I know,” Emmett chokes out, “But god, Drew. What if...what if it is as bad as it seems? How can Brian even begin to handle that? And Duncan...I can’t stand the idea of...of making him go through...through-”

“Don't say it,” Drew interrupts in a harsh whisper, “ _Please_.”

And Emmett, despite his thoughts flying through his head 100 miles a minute, despite wanting to voice those horrific and terrifying thoughts further, manages to stop when he hears the emotion brimming over in that request. He knows blabbering about the stress and heartache further won't do any good. It won't ensure that Lily and Eric are healthy and safe. It won't take away whatever is making Brian too distraught to speak.

And it won't help Drew focus on the road until they get to the hospital to provide any bit of support they can. 

“Just update Kendra on our progress,” Drew suggests, before pulling back onto the road, “Maybe tell her...tell her to use the car to take Duncan down the street for breakfast when he wakes up. Get her to try keeping him occupied for the day. She...She shouldn’t take him into the city. We don’t know what’s going on right now. It’s too dangerous. He’s been wanting to build a snowman. They can do that in the yard. There should be enough on the ground from yesterday.”

Emmett lets out a breath and stares ahead sadly.

“He wanted to do that with Lily.”

Drew bites his lip and nods his head once, “Yeah. I know.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

They arrive in Philadelphia at 8am and manage to find a parking spot at the top of the parking garage not too long after. They take the elevator down to the ground floor and walk through the main entrance. It brings back memories of the bombing and waiting to find out about Michael, but it’s even worse this time around. There are more families sobbing in the waiting room, it’s more crowded, and somehow his fear is double to what it was back then. And it had been terrible with Michael. Maybe it’s because there are two people near and dear to him at risk due to this. Maybe it’s because Lily’s a child and just the thought of putting Duncan in her place makes him struggle to breathe. Maybe it's because he doesn't have to replace that girl with his own child. He loves her and the thought of her being hurt or worse…

They don’t even get to see Brian immediately. He and Drew look throughout the waiting rooms inside the main building as well as the emergency room and come up with nothing. The nurses are so swamped that the looks they get whenever they ask about Eric and Lily Davisson-Kinney are just met with sympathetic but slightly exasperated stares, before they’re told that their request will have to wait a few moments. 

A few moments end up being an hour and a half.

In that time, Emmett wonders if Brian had called anyone else, if he ever managed to call Cynthia or Gus or Michael or Eric’s family. Emmett wonders if he should get started by calling the first three. But what could he say to them, except the same cryptic information he was given at 4:30 in the morning? He still had nothing else to go off of-

“Emmett,” Drew nudges him, before standing up. 

Emmett looks up and practically jumps out of his seat when a doctor approaches them. 

“I'm sorry for your wait, Mr. Boyd, Mr. Honeycutt,” he nods in acknowledgement, “I’m Dr. Leeson. You said you were here for Eric and Lily Davisson-Kinney?” 

“Yes. Yes, we are the family’s ICEs and they’re ours,” Emmett tells her in a rush, “Brian, Eric’s husband, has been a close friend of mine for twenty years. Do you know where he is? With Lily or with Eric? Is he-?”

“It would be best if you followed me,” the doctor interrupts, already turning to head towards the double doors.

Emmett feels his heart hammering in his chest as he grips onto Drew’s hand, before following Dr. Leeson through the double doors. They walk down the corridor several feet before arriving at the elevators. 

“Last time I saw him, your friend was with his daughter,” the doctor informs them, “She's in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and has been there for a few hours. As far as I know, he hasn't left that unit. I only went over there an hour or so ago to deliver information about Eric.”

The doors to the elevator open and they walk down a hall of the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. Emmett all but bumps into Dr. Leeson when he stops in front of the door. 

“Normally, Mr. Kinney would explain to you what is currently going on with his husband and daughter,” Dr. Leeson tells him gravely, “In cases like this, it is best to sit the family down and explain what exactly happened, show scans, give them time to process, then they take it from there in terms of keeping their loved ones informed. Mr. Kinney’s not...he's not processing well. Not very many of the families of the victims are. I've had to deliver news about the same patients multiple times to different people. This is...This is unprecedented for all of us here, so I apologize for the lack of a more sensitive and formal announcement.”

“Please,” Emmett chokes out, “Just tell us what's going on.”

The doctor breathes out, “I have to get permission from Mr. Kinney first. Give him the option to tell you himself or to veto it.” 

Without another word, Dr. Leeson turns into the next room, with Emmett and Drew hesitantly following. 

Fuck. _Fuck_.

Lily...Lily has always been on the petite side, but her boisterous and eccentric personality has always shone through. Seeing her so small, unconscious and hooked up to machines and tubes, braces on her right arm and right leg, bruises on her face and forehead, bandages around one of her thighs, it chills Emmett to the bone. 

“Oh, Lily,” he manages to choke out, clutching his chest, “Oh, sweetheart.” 

He can’t help but walk closer to the little girl’s form, wanting to reach out and touch her, comfort her in some way. But he doesn’t. The way she looks, frail and vulnerable, makes him feel like he could break her further. 

It’s when he does finally take his eyes off her that he sees Brian.

He’s never seen a man look more broken than Brian looks right now. 

Brian isn’t crying, not really, at least. Emmett can tell that his friend had at one point, hard, enough to make his eyes red and puffy. But now? Emmett’s not even sure Brian realizes that they’re there. All Brian is doing is staring out into space, with wet eyes and his mouth partially open, clutching onto the hand connected to Lily’s good arm. It fucking _hurts_ to watch.

“Sweetie?” Emmett sniffles, coming over to put a hand on his shoulder, “Drew and I drove down here as soon as they called us. We don’t know much, but we’re worried out of our wits. Can you tell us what’s going on with Lily and Eric?” 

If Brian hears them, he doesn’t show it, doesn’t even move an eye to glance at them. But Emmett can’t give him the time to process that they’re here. He wants to give him at least that, but he can’t. 

Emmett grabs a seat about five feet away and sits it next to Brian. He puts an arm around him, then leans in and kisses his friend’s cheek. 

“Honey, I know you’re devastated and terrified right now, but if you could let me know what’s going on, Drewsie and I can make some calls, let the family know, let Eric’s friends and his family know. Can you at least give the doctor permission to tell us if you can’t say it right now?”

Brian takes a moment, but subtly nods his head, expression unchanged. 

“Let’s go back out into the hall,” Dr. Leeson murmurs. 

Emmett feels his stomach twist into a knot, before he swallows around the lump in his throat and nods his head. He presses his forehead against Brian’s temple in an attempt to show some solidarity, then follows Drew and Dr. Leeson out into the hall. As Drew puts an arm around Emmett’s waist and tightens his grip, Dr. Leeson opens his mouth to speak, but breaks eye contact. 

“Dr. Laghari?” Dr. Leeson asks, waving her over, “I have a couple who are close friends with Mr. Kinney. They’re the ICEs and Mr. Kinney gave consent on us telling them on his husband’s and daughter’s statuses.”

Unlike Dr. Leeson, Dr. Laghari looks a bit annoyed by having to recite the same information. While her expression annoys Emmett, he supposes he can also understand it. She looks busy, sad, and stressed, and it probably isn’t the most appealing thing in the world to be the bearer of any type of negative news.

“Will you both be able to tell everyone else who needs to know what’s going on? We’re incredibly busy right now. I understand Mr. Kinney is in shock and was understandably inconsolable earlier-”

“They get it, Dr. Laghari,” Dr. Leeson mutters under his breath.

“We’ll tell everyone who needs to know,” Emmett promises, trying not to feel offended on Brian’s behalf, “I realize this has happened with multiple families, so we’ll take it from here.”

Dr. Laghari nods and her expression takes on a softer and more sympathetic look, then flips through her chart, “Lily...Lily was brought to us with contusions, multiple fractures in her legs and one in her arm, and a wound that punctured her femoral artery, which resulted in pretty severe blood loss. Someone made her a tourniquet, Dr. Leeson believes it was her father since the fabric matches the torn shirt he was wearing. If he hadn’t done this, she would have undoubtedly died. All of her injuries seem to have occurred in the crash itself. We performed emergency surgery on the artery, and made inquiries about getting her bags of her blood type brought up. Shortly before her transfusion, her body went into Hypovolemic Shock. Her heart rate briefly flatlined so an ECG was conducted...Mr. Kinney happened to run back, without permission, to the OR around this time to witness this, which left him obviously distressed. Due to the painful nature of her injuries, as well as the blood loss and her age, I decided to keep her strongly sedated, in a medically induced coma, so that she can heal at least over the next few days or so. We ran a few tests on her and her organs do seem to be in working condition, despite the close calls she had, and her fractures are fortunately clean breaks that shouldn't cause her issues, discomfort, or any physical disability in the long run. We’re not out of the woods yet, but I’m hesitantly hopeful she’ll wake up and eventually make a full recovery.”

Emmett wipes the tears from his face and can see Drew from the corner of his vision wiping at his eyes as well. 

“So do you mean that something else _could_ happen?” Emmett asks with a hitched breath.

“She...There’s always a chance that a patient could take a turn for the worse with blood loss, especially with someone so young. But, like I said, I’m hesitantly hopeful,” the doctor finally answers, “Now, I do have other patients and families to attend to, but I can answer questions later on if need be.”

Dr. Laghari took off down the hall for another room before Emmett could say anything else. 

“She’ll be alright,” Drew whispers, holding him, “She’s the strongest kid we know, next to Duncan. Hell, this probably knocks him off first place.”

Emmett tries to laugh at that, he does, but it turns into a sob and he covers his face with his hands. Drew puts a hand on the back of his neck, and pulls down to let Emmett rest his head against his shoulder so that he can stroke his back. God, he just wants to stay there forever. 

Eric. _Eric._

“Dr. Leeson?” Emmett asks through a stuffy nose as he picks his head back up, “You worked on Eric? How is he?”

Dr. Leeson looks down and it’s the first time that Emmett can see how young he looks, probably just a few years out of residency. He looks so affected, unjaded. It makes Emmett’s heart hurt but it also makes his pulse quicken, because the doctor looks so sad. God, please no-

“Eric’s injuries from the crash itself were mild to moderate. He seems to have been able to think fast and save his daughter. But...as you may have heard, the perpetrators had guns and were on scene. Eric was shot in the back of the head and the bullet damaged his brain stem. His heart was barely beating when he arrived, it’s shocking it was beating at all, so we hooked him up to life support and performed the operation...but a wound to that area of the brain is almost always fatal. He’s still on life support but there’s no brain activity. He...He’s not going to get better from this. The machine is keeping him alive, and can continue to do so in order for his friends and family to say their goodbyes. I’m very sorry.”

The doctor’s voice starts to tunnel out in Emmett’s ears near the end of the speech. He doesn’t know how to react to the news. All he can do is stand there and stare. He can hear Drew crying, which strikes Emmett as strange because he’s always cried much more than Drew. 

“And Brian k-knows this information, right?” Drew asks Dr. Leeson, “I mean, he understood? He seems to be out of it right now.”

“...The news has seemed to take a toll on him,” Dr. Leeson sighs, “But yes, he knows. Be there for him. Call anyone who can support him right now. He needs it. I need to go back to my unit, check on my other patients. If there are any other developments, I will have someone come by to let you know.” 

With that, Dr. Leeson departs and heads back to the elevator. 

Emmett feels himself shaking, but he doesn't know what he's actually feeling, not really. Shock? Is this how Brian feels right now? He knows the thought is ignorant as soon as it crosses his mind. Of course it isn't. Lily may almost feel like another child to him and Eric may be...may have been, fuck...one of his closest friends; but Lily is Brian’s daughter, a daughter he had to watch flatline, only to get the news that he would need to make arrangements for his brain dead husband. 

He is afraid to even attempt putting himself in Brian’s place. Especially with Drew standing there, flush against his side. 

“...We should make some calls,” Emmett announces, pushing the intense emotions back. Those can be saved for later, when people have been called and plans have been made.

“Emmett,” Drew chokes out, grabbing his wrist, “Fuck, take some time to-”

“Brian is the one who needs time,” Emmett interrupts, “Planning...Planning is what I am good at. It will keep me occupied and it needs to be done. I’m not going to plan anything serious without him, but I can at least call our family and let...and let Eric’s family know once Brian says that’s okay.”

Gently, Emmett breaks free from his partner’s grasp and pulls out his phone. 

\------------------------------------------------------------

Out of everyone he ends up calling, Cynthia takes it the hardest.

He should have started out with Lily being alive. He hates himself for not doing that. Because, when he had gotten to the part about Lily’s heart stopping, Cynthia had dropped the phone and wailed. He had to hang up and call her back three times, until she finally picked the phone back up, to explain everything. 

Not that everything makes it okay. 

And Gus...he hadn’t talked to Gus. Emmett had spoken with Lindsay, so that she could break the news to him in person. She called him back an hour ago to let Emmett know they were driving to Philadelphia as soon as they packed their bags. When Emmett asked how Gus was doing, Lindsay couldn’t get past the lump in her throat to answer. 

Pretty much everyone is coming in. Emmett booked hotel rooms all over the city, something that had been difficult, due to other grieving and terrified families trying to make it in to lend their support or say their goodbyes. 

He doesn’t know if Brian will appreciate everyone here or not. Emmett would need to make sure no one would crowd him or push him too hard. 

Even Emmett finds that he has to make sure not to push him. He almost asked Brian if he wanted to go sit with Eric while he and Drew stayed with Lily, but he didn’t know how his friend would take the offer. 

Because, honestly...Brian looks like he’s seconds away from shattering. Part of Emmett wishes he just would. The anticipation of the heartbreaking inevitable is making him feel sick. 

“Brian?” Emmett clears his throat as he comes back into Lily’s room, “You’ve...You’ve been here since the middle of the night and haven’t slept a wink. I booked some hotel rooms and got you one at the hotel across the street. Would you like me or Drew to drop you off over there?”

It’s a stupid question, one that Emmett already knows the outcome to. Brian hasn’t said one word since they got to the hospital three hours ago. He hasn’t cried or screamed or punched a wall or spoken to his comatose daughter. 

“Brian,” Emmett prompts a little louder, stepping closer.

“Don’t,” Brian rasps out, voice not above a hoarse whisper, “Lily’s resting.”

Shit. _Shit_.

Emmett turns to look at Drew; his partner looks just as alarmed as Emmett feels. What can he even say to that?

Drew gets out of the other chair in the room, before coming to put a hand on Brian’s shoulder.

“Emmett and I are going to go down and get you something to eat from the cafeteria. We won’t be gone long. We’re right here if you need to talk, alright?”

As expected, Brian doesn't answer. 

“Should we leave him alone?” Emmett whispers as soon as they close the hospital room door.

Drew looks down, “He's not alone. He has his kid. Come on. We’ll get him something that won't go bad too quickly.”

It might be selfish, but they do end up eating down there, if you can call it that. Emmett downs his coffee within minutes, but only picks at his croissant. Drew bugs him about that, tells him he needs to eat, but Drew doesn't do a great job at eating his own meal either. 

They bring Brian up a couple of pastries, as well as coffee and juice. He knows it might be deceptive, but he filled the coffee cup with decaf, in hopes that Brian might let himself give in and sleep a little bit, even if it is in the chair next to Lily’s bed. 

But Brian doesn't touch the coffee or the food. He doesn't fall asleep or even rest his eyes. He just sits there.

It's the saddest thing Emmett has ever seen.

\-----------------------------

It takes seven more hours for Brian to stand up. 

In those seven hours, Emmett has both made and fielded phone calls. He talked to Eric’s sister, who became practically hysterical but did confirm she would break the news to her brother and her parents. He had called Rick, who didn't even register what he was telling him the first couple of times. That had frustrated Emmett, but he knows what Eric and Rick mean to each other. What Eric had done for Rick when his whole family died. It hurts to think about what's going through the man’s head right now. 

Throughout that whole time, Brian just sits there next to Lily, silent. Drew had managed to get permission to sit with Eric. Even though Eric isn't with them mentally anymore, even though Eric would want Brian to stay with Lily, it felt wrong for him to lie in his room during his last days alone.

And that thought manages to choke Emmett up for the first time since they found out about Lily.

It also keeps him from being able to go past the doorway whenever he is walking back to check on Drew. The sight of the bandages wrapped around Eric’s head and the tube down his throat, the way Eric barely even looks like himself, doesn't help matters either. 

“Cynthia...Cynthia just arrived at the airport. God knows how she got a flight. Everyone else has to drive in. They've canceled several to and from Philly,” Emmett tells Drew, hanging back as he tries not to look at Eric.

“Cynthia seems like the type who can talk her way into getting the impossible,” Drew answers softly, “Any news?”

Emmett shakes his head, “Not much. Everyone from Toronto is on their way, except for Ben, Felix, and JR. Ben’s sister is trying to rearrange her schedule so that she can come in and watch the baby.”

Drew nods, “Speaking of, what are we going to do about Duncan?”

Emmett sighs, “I don't know. Kendra said she could stay at the house until tomorrow. Scott and Reina are in Florida until next month so we can't ask them. Maybe Justin would be willing to stay at the house? I'd hate to ask him, since he's gotten close with Eric. And Brian. I don't want him to think he can't be here. Maybe Hunter and Molly? But...fuck, they literally just moved up a couple of days ago. They're probably exhausted and Michael might need Hunter here-"

“We'll figure it out. Even if it is just for a couple of days. I know...I know Duncan needs to know what's going on. This is going to affect his life too. If we can just find someone to watch him just until we're home or when we know it's safe to get him here with us, especially if we are going to stay until Brian...” Drew trails off, suddenly looking utterly helpless.

“Brian...Brian isn't at the point where he can make decisions yet," Emmett says slowly, "A doctor came in and said that an EMS company could potentially transfer Lily to a hospital in New York if she’s stable in a few days and it's safe. But...with Eric on life support…”

Emmett glances at Eric as the lump forms in his throat, before quickly turning away. 

“Brian’s going to have to make a decision if he decides to get Lily closer to home,” Drew finishes, heaviness in his voice. 

“And every outcome is shitty. What can he do? Keep Eric alive on a machine but leave him here? Pick up and move to Philadelphia and fight a losing battle to keep him alive?”

“We both know it can't be either of those things,” Drew answers, “Eric wouldn't want that. He lived his life fully. He’d want Brian to try to do the same.”

Emmett bites back a sob as Drew reaches over to pat Eric’s hand, only once, before taking a hold of it.

“And Lily, she’d do better closer to home. Brian might be able to rest a little better...might be able to work on his...his grieving process a little sooner. Fuck, I don't know.”

Emmett stays silent for a moment at Drew’s words, before wiping his eyes. 

“...I know that's the only decision really on the table. But why does it have to be that way?”

Drew huffs out a humorless laugh, “Because life is anything but fair. Why would death be any different?” 

\-------------------------------

Emmett goes down to the lobby to meet Cynthia when she arrives. She's dressed as if he pulled her out of an important meeting. Considering the time he called her, he wouldn't be that surprised if he had. A skirt that must have been perfectly ironed and pressed just a few hours ago is now wrinkled and worn from the plane. Her hair is slightly tousled, but it is the expression on her face that tells him what she is feeling. 

“Where are they?” Is the first thing she says to him, foregoing any initial greetings, not that he can blame her. 

“Children’s ICU. Eric is on the opposite side of the building. Drew’s with him right now. Sweetie-” Emmett starts, but is cut off by Cynthia walking right past him. 

She does manage to let him lead the way, once she must silently realize she doesn't know how to get there. If it were a less grave situation, a less heartbreaking one, Emmett might tease her for her boss lady, take charge ways, but he can't. Not with something like this. 

Despite Cynthia’s determination to see Lily and Brian, she freezes as soon as she's outside of the door. She raises her fist to knock, as if there’s a possibility that she won't be welcome, but Emmett reaches out to gently catch her fist. 

“You can walk in,” Emmett tells her, still holding onto her hand.

Cynthia lets out a sigh, nods, and opens the door. 

Emmett watches from the doorway as Cynthia slowly makes her way in, shuddering breaths coming out from the usually composed woman’s core, reaching out for her daughter as she slowly makes her way to the bed.

“Honey?” She cries, cradling the little girl’s face, before bending down to press a kiss against her forehead, “Oh, sweetheart…”

And, after Cynthia starts crying into Lily’s hair and chokes out heartbroken apologies, it’s then that Brian gets up.

Cynthia stands at full height and walks quickly over to Brian, throwing her arms around his neck to pull him into a tight embrace. 

Emmett watches Brian hesitate, before hugging Cynthia’s waist just as tight. When Brian lets his eyes close, a few silent tears escape and his expression starts to crumple. 

Emmett quietly backs out of the room and closes the door. 

\------------------------------------

Their family starts to filter in later in the evening. Exhausted due to the traffic and random security checks, restless and heartbroken due to the reason why they drove here in the first place. Teddy and Blake make it first. While Blake does offer Brian his condolences and checks to see if the man needs anything (it's a question that Brian just shakes his head to) before giving Drew a break by sitting with Eric, he mainly stays in the lobby after that.

“I can check on everyone’s progress. Make sure they get checked into their rooms okay,” Blake tells him, “Emmett, you look exhausted. Take a break.”

“I don't need a break-” Emmett starts to object, but Ted grabs onto his shoulder to turn him around. 

“You _do_ ,” he insists, starting to pull, “Blake’s right. You are barely standing on your feet. Let me drive you back to the hotel so that you can take a nap with your husband.”

“We’re not married,” Emmett answers tiredly, running a hand over his face, already feeling stubble growing in from not shaving this morning. 

“You're close enough,” Ted answers, “Come on. Just give yourself two hours. I promise you can come back.”

It takes a minute, but Emmett gives in and follows Ted out of the hospital. 

“Give me a minute,” Emmett suddenly requests, stopping in his tracks, “I haven't gotten any fresh air today...I just need a minute.”

Ted studies Emmett for a moment with concern, before walking over to put a hand on his back. 

“How are you holding up?” Ted asks him, rubbing him in between his shoulder blades.

Emmett looks at Ted with tired eyes, “What do you mean?”

“...Eric is one of your best friends. And Brian...Brian is your best friend,” Ted answers with hesitation. 

“No one can replace you, Teddy,” Emmett feels the need to say. And it’s true. No one can. But what Ted is saying is true as well. 

“I appreciate that,” Ted mumbles, shaking his head, “But I’m worried about you. You’ve broken horrific news to everyone in the family, have made so many arrangements so that they can be here for Brian. I think you haven’t taken what’s going on in your own head and heart into account.”

Emmett stands there in silence for a moment, staring out into the dark, cloudy sky.

“...I can’t really go there right now,” Emmett manages to answer, his voice dull and lifeless. 

Ted keeps looking at him, “Why not? We’re out here. You’re taking a break. If you keep it bottled up, you’ll shatter. Or become Brian Kinney.”

Emmett breathes in unevenly as his mouth forms into a grimace, “Eric and I have been shopping for the b-baby. You...You know Brian. He enjoys shopping but he's such a label queen. It can get on Eric's nerves. And Drew, he can only put up with so many malls and boutiques. So Eric and I...we’ve been spending a day a week looking for clothes and toys and decor. Sometimes we don’t buy anything at all, he and Brian didn’t really need anymore things, but we still go out to eat or go back to one of our houses and have coffee. I told him...I told him that Drew and I are inquiring about adopting again, from Tanzania. Hopefully a girl, to balance things out a little, but we don’t really care either way. He’s the only person I’ve told. He was _so_ happy for me. Let me chat on and on about it. He is a wonderful friend. A wonderful husband. He...He makes Brian so happy. He is a wonderful father. And he’s not going to get to be those things anymore and it _breaks my heart_. Brian is going to be devastated for probably years and he’ll never be the same. I can't begin to understand the pain he’s in. I lost George, but it's nothing close to all of this. And Lily? If… _When_ she wakes up, she’s going to want her papa and he’s not going to be there. And when the baby is born next month, he's not even going to get to meet her. Thinking about that hurts more than I can describe. Fuck, Ted. It hurts so much...”

Emmett can feel the tears pouring down his face as his breath hitches with quiet sobs. He wipes them off, but it takes mere seconds for them to be replaced with new ones. 

“Emmett...God, Emmett. Come here,” Ted murmurs, coming to stand in front of him to wrap his arms around him. Emmett lets his cheek rest against Ted’s shoulder as he lets himself cry. 

\-------------------------------------------------------

After Emmett gets the second key from the front desk, he takes the elevator up to the sixth floor and quietly opens the door to their hotel room. The lights are off and it’s cold. The fan from the air conditioner is running and it really doesn’t surprise Emmett. Drew runs warm and their bedroom is always a bit chilly. Their son is the opposite and opts for more blankets than Emmett can keep count, all while needing his bedroom to be warmer than the rest of the house, which Emmett keeps it at a respectable 70 degrees. 

But there is one good thing about Drew keeping the room cool. 

“Hey,” Drew greets in a sleepy voice, tossing the covers on Emmett’s side of the bed aside as Emmett strips down. 

“Hey,” Emmett answers, voice still stuffy from his breakdown, before sitting down on the edge of the bed. 

Drew reaches out and takes a hold of his hand, holding onto it until Emmett lies down. Part of Emmett wants to keep his back to Drew, to keep his emotions to himself and try to get the rest that he knows isn’t all that likely to come. 

But a larger part of him, one Emmett knows will win out in an instant, wants to stare at Drew and never stop because, if this terrifying and devastating day has taught him anything, it’s taught him he needs to hold onto Drew and cherish what he has with him. It could end in an instant. 

So he turns over, takes Drew’s hand and kisses it twice and stares him in the eye. Drew gazes right back at him, bringing his other hand up to Emmett’s face to wipe at the moisture that had once again escaped his partner’s eyes. 

“I’m cold,” Emmett tells him softly, leaning his forehead against Drew’s, “Will you hold me?”

Drew nods and opens up his arms. Emmett shifts himself so that he’s embracing Drew’s torso, the side of his face lying upon his partner’s chest, then lets himself shut his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin, Molly, and Hunter go to Hoboken to stay with Duncan after receiving terrible news.

Justin doesn't move for twenty minutes after Emmett hangs up. Twenty minutes of silence, twenty minutes of not being able to pinpoint what he's feeling. Once the twenty minutes are up, he can pinpoint the emotion. It's terror. Absolute terror, the kind that makes him sick to his stomach once the weight of it hits him. The kind that has him running for the toilet but all he can really do is gag over it because he hasn't eaten much today and he's not actually sick. This is all coming from his head, coming from one of the worst announcements anyone could ever hear.

Fuck. _Lily_. That poor baby.

_Eric_. Jesus Christ, poor Eric.

_Brian_. Oh, _Brian_.

Justin wheezes in through his mouth before standing back up. He needs to tell Molly and Hunter. He needs to go be with Duncan. He said he would watch Duncan instead of driving to Philadelphia. He wants to be there for Brian but he fucking can't, not after last night. That conversation should have solved everything. It was supposed to let the Brian & Justin saga close officially so that there were no unresolved issues and nothing keeping them from being close friends. And now all Justin can feel is guilt and sadness for stressing Brian out because now Eric is as good as…

He doesn't let himself finish the thought. He tries not to think about anything and he must succeed in that because he suddenly finds himself in front of Molly's and Hunter's apartment door, knocking on it almost robotically until someone answers. 

Dude," Hunter says as he swings the door open, "I heard you the first three knocks-"

"Have you talked to Michael?" Justin asks, his voice sounding completely lifeless.

"Today?" Hunter says, frowning, "No. Why? What's up-"

And before Hunter can even finish his sentence, that's when the tears hit Justin and he's gasping for breath and bending over from the force of reality that hits him as he covers his face with his hands. Through the static beginning to fill his ears, he can hear the volume of Hunter's voice begin to rise with panic, with questions such as, "Did something happen to Ben?! Michael?! Felix? Is JR okay?! Your parents? Fuck, Justin, say something!"

Despite Hunter's frustrations with Justin's current inability to speak further on what's going on, Justin feels the younger man's arms around him, rubbing his back and leading him inside of the apartment.

\----------------------------------

As soon as Molly steps out of the shower, dries herself off, and gets dressed, she opens the door and immediately knows something is wrong. She can't see anyone, not yet, but the air feels different. Stiffer. Everything is too quiet. She doesn't get how she knows, but she does. She doesn't get how she's right on something being wrong either, and she knows that she's right as soon as Justin and Hunter come into view. They're sitting on opposite ends of the couch with Archimedes in between them almost looking solemn until he sees her, which causes him to clumsily jump down, walk over to her, and stand on his hind legs for attention. She gives it to him, briefly, because all she can focus on are the two men sitting on the couch. Hunter is staring off into space while Justin's face is in his hands. 

Something is wrong.

"What's going on?"

Hunter looks over at Molly first, then stands up to walk over to her. Hunter opens his mouth, as if he wants to speak but can't, then puts his arms on her shoulders and runs his fingers through her damp hair before Molly asks her question again.

"Hunter, what's going on?" She repeats, catching his left hand in her right, "There is something wrong. I knew it as soon as I walked out of the bathroom-"

"Eric and Lily were in the trail derailment outside of Philadelphia," Hunter interrupts hoarsely, "Lily has a few broken bones and almost died from blood loss but is being kept in a medical coma so that she can hopefully heal until she's stable. Eric...Eric was shot in the back of the head when he was saving Lily. He isn't going to make it. He's brain dead."

Hearing Hunter's last sentence has her feeling frozen. She can't think of what to say. She doesn't know them well, but Lily had always been so enthusiastic to see her and Eric had always been so welcoming and sweet. And the thought of them going through this _hurts_. But before she can say anything or comfort Hunter or Justin - who both know Lily and Eric a lot better than she does - Justin suddenly stands up and rubs the remnants of tears off of his face.

"I need to go get one of the trucks. I'm going to stay with Duncan," Justin chokes out, heading to the door on shaky legs, "Emmett and Drew are in Philadelphia with Brian. Emmett called me and asked if I could stay with him if I couldn't come up." 

Molly blinks, "...Justin, are you sure you don't want to go up? Eric is one of your close friends. And Brian-"

"Has enough support," Justin says, cutting her off, "I can offer my support this way. Staying with Lily's best friend." 

"Well..." Molly starts out, trying to think of something she can do, "We can take my car. You let me park it under the gallery for free, so you should get to use it as much as us. It will be easier for us to find street parking for it anyway."

"Us?"

Molly scoffs, "You're not going alone. Let me pack a bag."

Justin closes his eyes and rubs his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, "You don't have to do that. Michael should be in Philadelphia in a few hours. Hunter may want to visit him-"

"I'll go if he really needs me there," Hunter says, putting a hand up, "But I'd rather stay with the two of you until then. There are probably more things that I can do to help here than over there anyway."

Justin doesn't seem to have it in him to argue. Molly doesn't think he is capable of talking about much of anything right now. Molly can understand that. Despite the fact that Brian is Justin's ex, she knows that Justin still loves Brian deeply, even if that love had changed into something more platonic but just as intense. She knows that Justin also loves Lily and Eric and is not only processing his own grief and horror, but also thinking about (or trying not to think about) Brian's grief.

Shit. Brian. Poor Brian. Nothing anyone could feel can compare to what that man is likely feeling right now. The last time she had seen him, he had been so happy to be with his family. She can't imagine how he is feeling now. 

She doesn't want to. 

"I'm packing a bag," Molly says, then glances at Hunter as Justin walks out the door, "Go with him. Take Archimedes for a walk while you are at it. I'll pack both of you a bag too and make sure Katniss has enough food and water." 

\---------------------

The ride to Hoboken is mostly quiet. Both Hunter and Molly offer to drive but Justin refuses, probably needing something to do with his hands to keep himself distracted. One of them should have sat up front to keep Justin company, but honestly? She doesn't want to be farther away from Hunter than she has to be and he seems to feel the same way. And it's probably stupid and insensitive to be grateful that they still have each other and relieved that this hadn't happened to them even though it was fucking terrible and heartbreaking that it happened to Eric, Brian, and Lily. She just wants to be close to him right now, especially due to everything that has happened recently. The more she thinks about it, the more sad she feels and the more sad she feels, the closer she wants to be to Hunter so that's what she does; she presses herself closer to him until her head is resting on his shoulder and her face is pressed against the crook of his neck as he wraps his arms around her tighter. Archimedes is ignoring them for once, opting to look out the window with excitement. So, in a way, it does feel like it's only the two of them.

It makes her feel better but it also makes her feel sadder. Brian should be able to have this. Brian should be able to rest his head on his husband's shoulder and seek out comfort. He should have Eric at least so that they could comfort each other when it comes to Lily. But instead, he's lost Eric - no, not yet, not technically. Brian still has to make that call. Molly hates herself for thinking it, but fate would have been kinder if it had just let Eric die immediately.

It's a shitty thought. It's so fucking shitty. But she can't imagine being the person who has to decide when to pull the plug, especially if she had to do it with Hunter. And her relationship with Hunter isn't as serious as Brian's and Eric's is. Sure, she has never been more in love with someone and their relationship over the past year has been intense, loving, breathtaking, heartbreaking, adventurous, and affectionate all rolled into one, but Brian and Eric are married. They have been together for several years. They share a daughter together and have another little girl due in a month or so-.

That thought hurts. She pushes the thought of a baby never meeting one of her fathers down quickly and just tries to focus on thinking about nothing and holding onto Hunter. When they arrive in Hoboken, Duncan offers a welcome distraction. 

"He just finished lunch," the babysitter says, a small, sad smile on her face as she glances back at Duncan, who is otherwise preoccupied playing with his dog, "He will probably want a snack in a couple of hours. I saw a tupperware container filled with soup in the freezer. Emmett and Drew shouldn't mind if you thaw that out for dinner."

"Thank you," Justin murmurs, not quite meeting anyone's eyes, "I've watched him several times so we should be fine, but if something comes up, I will definitely reach out." 

The babysitter nods, biting her lip with worry before leaning in to ask barely above a whisper, "Have you heard anything else about Lily?" 

Molly watches as her brother breathes in a sharp inhale and shakes his head, "No. I guess she isn't out of the woods but the doctors are 'hesitantly hopeful'. Whatever that means."

The babysitter nods, then leans in, "Duncan has been asking about her. I don't think they had a playdate or anything planned today. He was asleep when Emmett called so I don't think he overheard anything but he seems to know something is wrong. I don't know how, but he does. It might be how I'm coming off. He's very perceptive when it comes to body language and what people are feeling, so it could be that. I swear, he is so normal and well-adjusted, considering his history, but then he will know when I'm upset or if something major happened and I haven't said a word. I don't know what to tell him. He keeps asking and when I try to redirect him, he asks me to call his dads so he can ask them if Lily is okay. It is like some kind of screwed up psychic connection happening at the worst time."

Justin doesn't seem to know what to say at all, just opening and closing his mouth a few times, as if he is trying to think of a plan when it comes to Duncan but it pains him to do so. After several seconds, Molly decides to put him out of his misery and take over. 

"If he continues to ask, we can call Emmett or Drew and see how they want to go about it," Molly says, nodding once, "My experience with kids is that it is better to be age appropriate but transparent when it comes to talking to them about serious things like this."

"Yeah, well..." the babysitter says, trailing off as she glances back at Duncan, " I don't know if I could bring myself to announce something like that to him. I usually only watch him twice a week at most but I love him. He's probably my favorite kid I've ever watched. Lily's a sweetheart too. Stubborn, but sweet. And Duncan adores her. I can't stand the thought of him having to process something like this."

"We can handle it, don't worry," Molly says softly, although she can sense both her brother and her boyfriend stiffen up on either side of her. She has a feeling they might feel a little differently on the matter.

The babysitter (whom Molly now knows as Kendra) leaves her info with them in case they have any questions and can't reach Emmett or Drew before walking over to give Duncan a tight hug goodbye and taking off. As for Justin and Hunter, they are just standing there, watching Duncan warily, as if they suddenly don't know what to do next. Maybe it is because their grief is more potent than Molly's or maybe they are better interacting with little girls than they are little boys due to having younger sisters. If the latter is the case, then they should probably get over that - considering Justin is about to have twin boys and Hunter's newest sibling is a boy - but Molly can take over for now. 

Fuck, it is the least she can do. 

She walks over to Duncan as well as Stella - both of which have calmed in their play and are now sitting down as Duncan reads a book on a children's kindle, all while Stella sits there patiently, as if she is listening and watching as closely as Duncan is. Maybe she is. She has only been to Emmett's and Drew's a handful of times since Duncan joined their family but Duncan does seem to have an extremely deep bond with Stella. Molly wouldn't be all that surprised if Duncan figured out a way to get his dog interested in a book. It's such a deep bond that Stella mostly ignores Archimedes, who is looking up at the large dog with wonder and occasionally positioning himself as if he wants to play. Other than a few sniffs and nudges with her nose whenever Archimedes gets too close for her liking, she ignores him. Duncan pets the puppy a few times and gives it one quick hug initially, but seems to be too lost in his own thoughts to pay the puppy much mind. He comes off differently than when he came with Drew and Emmett to the apartment on Thursday. They had come to give them food and gift cards to welcome them to New York all while Duncan hadn't wanted to stop playing with Archimedes.

"What are you reading?" Molly asks, sitting down next to Duncan. Stella barely gives her more than a glance before deciding to plop down and curl up. She's still so large that her chin rests on Duncan's shoulder, her nose pressing against the boy's face. Stella gives Duncan's cheek a lick, a token of affection he doesn't react much to, other than a slight flinch, an honestly comically mature mutter of, 'Stella, please', followed by Duncan giving the dog an obligatory pat on the head before he directs his attention towards Molly. 

"The Snowy Day," Duncan enunciates, "I'm reading it myself 'cause I know how. Pa taught me 'cause I told him to. I picked this one 'cause it is snowing outside." 

"It is snowing out," Molly says, glancing out the window, "It's snowing a lot. Maybe we can make a snowman." 

"Mmmm," Duncan says, thinking on it as he looks up to watch the snow fall, "Later. Maybe tomorrow. Lily 'posed to be back tomorrow." 

The mention of Lily makes her heart ache as she holds back a grimace but doesn't say a word. When she glances up at Justin and Hunter, their eyes are the size of saucers, as if they are bracing themselves for a horrifically upsetting conversation with a four year old. But as soon as she glances up, Duncan does too, scrutinizing all of them carefully. 

Shit. Kendra HAD been right. Duncan is perceptive. The way he's staring at her, 'perceptive' might be an understatement. More like some kind of psychic empath mind reader or some shit-

"I wanna call Lily," Duncan decides, exiting out of the book.

"Um…" Molly starts, "I don't think we can get a hold of her right now, honey. Why don't we-"

"It's okay," Duncan says, cutting in, opening up some kind of messenger app Duncan must have downloaded himself, hidden within a few folders, "I know how. I can FaceTime her on her iPad through here. But you can't tell Daddy or Pa we call each other. I not 'posed to talk to anyone on here. Only on their phones and then they get me _my_ phone when I am bigger. Daddy says 12 but Pa says 14. I like Daddy's idea better."

Molly keeps her gaping to a minimum. Maybe Duncan's precocious tech savviness is due to him being on what is likely the tail end of Generation Z, but what a conniving little genius. Duncan's only quiet because he's too busy making bigger plans and reading other people's thoughts, she is sure of it. The sweet, innocent little boy schtick has just been a disguise all along. No wonder he and Lily are such good friends. They are different sides of the same coin-

The app rings and rings, only for Lily to not pick up. Duncan cancels the call, only to send out another call again with the same results. 

"What's _wrong_ with her?" Duncan whispers desperately to himself as his frown deepens. The question takes her by surprise but it also breaks her heart. The thought of the iPad in a little girl's backpack next to Brian's feet in Lily's hospital room is horrible. The thought of the iPad lying in the derailed train, cracked and ringing with Duncan's name and picture lighting up the screen is even worse.

Molly looks up at Justin and Hunter again. Hunter looks like he wants to cry as much as she does. Justin is crying and wiping at his face to get rid of the evidence before leaving the room, pulling out his phone before he is out of sight.

"Why don't we take Stella and Archimedes for a walk?" Molly asks gently, putting a hand on Duncan's shoulder.

" _No_ ," Duncan says pointedly, despite seeming to feel slightly guilty at Stella's perked ears as soon as the word is said, "I gotta wait for Lily! She calls me back and I call her back. If we can't, we text to say and call back when we go to our rooms."

"You text each other?" Molly asks, her eyebrows raising in disbelief.

Duncan gives her a put upon look and sighs, opening the app again to show countless voice messages to each other. 

"Watch," Duncan tells her, then presses down on the screen, "Call me back, please. I worried, Lily."

The audio message sends through, claiming it has, in fact, been delivered, but it remains unopened. Duncan then holds down the talk to text option and repeats the same exact words. 

"If she not play her message," Duncan explains, "We do both. A lot of times now I read it, but sometimes can't. Listening and reading what she says helps me. I learn reading faster this way." 

"That…" Molly starts, because seriously? Considering Duncan has found a way to strengthen his reading comprehension on his own - all while being sneaky about it - astounds her. 

"What?" Duncan asks.

"You're very, very smart," Molly says, running a hand over his buzzcut, "You should show it off more." 

Duncan shrugs, "Lily’s smart too. She's the bestest at reading. It's why she's my best friend. And my girlfriend. Both, actually."

Molly nods, swallowing past the lump in her throat, "Well, she's a lucky girl. But speaking of girls, I think Stella really does want that walk. She might need to go to the bathroom. Archimedes would like it too and I need to take him out a lot because we're still house training him. I could use the fresh air too. I bet we would all like the walk a lot more if you came with us, especially Stella. From what I understand, you are her favorite person in the whole world."

Duncan nods and glances at Stella's hopeful figure by the door, "I am."

Molly smiles, stands up, and holds out a hand, "Let's go get your coat."

\---------------------------

Molly had been a little worried about walking Stella due to her size, but Stella proves herself to be a well-behaved dog who doesn’t pull much, even when they pass dogs on the other side of the street. The most she does is get on the other side of Duncan when another large dog walks past, putting herself between them as she stares at the Rottweiler in warning. She doesn’t growl, but she lets out a low huff, as if to say, “Stay away from my child.” The Rottweiler listens, although he hadn’t seemed too interested in the first place.

Molly walks them down the street to the dog park. Although it is too cold for Duncan’s liking, Stella suddenly strips herself from the protective and loyal persona she had been donning and gallops around the fenced in field enthusiastically, finally giving into Archimedes requests to play. Duncan throws a few snowballs for their benefit, crossing his arms tightly around his front when his hands are not in use, and Stella chases after them quickly enough to catch them in thin air, Archimedes trailing behind all while she chews them up dramatically. 

“She likes the snow,” Duncan says, pointing it out as if Stella had been subtle about it. 

“I can see that,” Molly says, “Don’t you want to play in it a little? I always loved playing in the snow when I was a kid.”

Duncan shrugs, “When Lily’s back. It will be more funner that way. When Daddy and Pa are back too. And Brian and Eric. We do lots of stuff together.”

Molly doesn’t even know what to say to that, so she just stays silent and doesn’t force herself to fill it in with useless noise until Duncan speaks again.

“Lily’s not coming home tomorrow, is she?”

Molly turns her head sharply and sees Duncan looking at her with his big, sad, dark brown eyes. At first, it’s hard for her to get past the weirdness of Duncan just knowing, absolutely _knowing_ something is wrong. But she supposes weirder things have happened. When she and Hunter were on opposite coasts, he had called her after she noticed the things in her apartment were just slightly off. Moved centimeters from their original spots, not enough to be sure anything had happened at all but enough to make her paranoid. She had been paranoid enough to sleep on the couch and set her alarm for every 20 minutes throughout the night - so that she wouldn’t sleep deeply enough through a potential break in. Hunter had called her at 3 am, right after her alarm went off, telling her he had a nightmare about someone standing over her while she was sleeping on the fucking couch and he just wanted to see if she was alright. She had told him that she was fine, didn’t say a word about her suspicions because she thought it would make her sound crazy. But after he told her that, she turned the lights on, didn’t sleep for the rest of the night and asked him to stay on the phone with her, even if he didn’t talk and just went back to bed. 

Something similar had actually happened the other way around. She had woken up one night suddenly and had an intensely strange feeling that something was wrong with Hunter. She hadn’t known if it was his health or his body or his mind, but she was worried enough to call, despite the strain the Australia shoot had caused on their relationship. Hunter had picked up, despite being on set. He said that some distracted single mom rear ended him on the way to work and that he was okay but had very minor whiplash. Then he admitted he had a few bad dreams about Rita and her baby, didn’t sleep very well, wasn’t having a very good day, and that he really missed Molly.

She could lie to Duncan, say that she doesn’t know what Lily’s schedule is. She probably should until someone gets the okay from Emmett and Drew. But as soon as she tries to lie, she can’t. This boy has already proven he can see right through it. He’s already gone through too much in four and a half years. According to Justin, Duncan lost both of his biological parents by the age of 2, got passed around to a few short-term foster parents, one of them dying of a stroke while Duncan was in their care. Duncan knows things can go to complete shit. Lying to him won’t do anything but come off as disrespectful and hurtful, even if the lying comes from a place that wants to keep Duncan from hurting.

“No, Duncan,” Molly reluctantly says, kneeling down, snow be damned, “She’s not coming back tomorrow.”

Duncan takes a breath, staring at Molly in that scrutinizing manner again, “Why not?”

Molly swallows and shrugs, “I don’t know much about what’s happening. I honestly don’t. Your daddy and your pa went up to find out more and to help Lily. When I talk to them and find out what they can tell you, I’ll make sure you know. Okay?”

Duncan keeps his eyes on her, then nods slowly, “You promise?”

Molly nods.

“Pinky swear,” Duncan insists, sticking his pinky out.

Molly glances down at the pinky and links it with hers, “Fair enough.”

Molly latches Stella’s and Archimedes's leashes to their collars and they walk back to the house without another word exchanged between them. When they arrive back at the house, they take off their wet boots, scarves, gloves, and coats, and Molly goes over to put on Netflix for Duncan.

“Find a good movie for us,” she tells him, handing him the remote, “Something neither of us have seen. I’ll make us a bowl of popcorn.”

“A big bowl?” Duncan asks as he stands up quickly on the couch to get a better look at her, seeming hopeful for the first time today.

“Duncan, sweetheart,” Molly says, turning around to look at him, “There’s no other kind when it comes to popcorn.”

“But dinner-” Duncan starts, then clamps his hands on his mouth before forcing himself to sit down, as if he is realizing he doesn’t want to ruin this once in a lifetime opportunity. 

“Find something good!” Molly calls out, then heads down the hall before swinging through the double doors leading to the ridiculously nice kitchen, where both Justin and Hunter are sitting at the island, each with a cup of coffee in front of them. 

“I got a hold of Drew,” Justin says, still looking heartachingly sad, “I told him how desperate Duncan has been to get a hold of Lily-”

“Wait,” Molly says, quickly walking back over to swing the double doors open to make sure Duncan didn’t follow her, “Alright, we’re good. Go on.”

“Anyway,” Justin sighs, “He says that if he keeps asking, don’t lie to him. Don’t go into details about Eric yet...I...I guess they might just wait to tell Duncan about Eric after he’s officially gone. I-It’ll be easier that way. But he said it’s okay to tell him that Lily got hurt very badly and is in the hospital. If he keeps asking to talk to her, then we can tell him that the doctors gave Lily medicine to sleep for a few days so that her body can heal a little faster. He said he would try to FaceTime with Duncan tonight in order to explain things, but if he keeps asking before he can call, then we can tell him that much if we’re comfortable. I’m really hoping Duncan just waits it out.”

“Same,” Hunter mutters, staring down at his cup of coffee. 

Molly shakes her head, “On our walk, he said to me, ‘Lily isn’t coming back tomorrow, is she?’ I don’t think he’s going to wait. I couldn’t lie to him and tell him I didn’t know. I just told him that she wasn’t and when he asked why, I said that I don’t know a lot of details but that his parents went up to help Lily and they would let us know more soon. He made me pinky promise to tell him what was wrong as soon as I knew more.”

“Well…” Justin starts but then trails off, closing his eyes in pain before forcing himself to talk, “Shit, Molly, I don’t want to fucking do that to you. I know the kid the best out of the three of us. I know I should be the one to tell him. But I don’t think I have it in me. I can’t fucking do it right now, not without getting upset.”

Before Molly can answer, Hunter speaks up, “I...I guess I could tell him. I might not know him as well as you do but when Emmett and Drew brought him up to Toronto while Molly and I were also visiting, we bonded a little. He knows I’m adopted like he is. I...I don’t know. Maybe I can do it. I don’t know what to fucking say, but-”

“Hunter, I don’t mind telling him,” Molly interrupts, sighing, “I mean, I wish none of this happened so that there was nothing to tell, but I’ve had to break bad news to my students before. Plus, I promised him I would tell him. This is upsetting for me - of course it is - but you both are closer with Eric and Lily than I am. I can talk to him without getting too worked up, I think.”

Justin opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by his phone vibrating on the table. Justin looks down at the phone before his expression immediately crumples and he lets out a sob. 

“Justin?” Molly asks, putting a hand on Justin’s back, “Who is-”

“It’s Gus,” Justin chokes out, his breath hitching as he tries to get himself under control, “I have to pick up, I have to, he’s probably fucking devastated and needs to talk to someone, especially if he’s calling me-”

“Do you want us to go in the other room?” Molly asks, but Justin waves her off.

“I’ll go upstairs,” Justin rasps out, accepting the call before putting it up to his ear and getting up to walk to the steps in the back of the kitchen, “Hi, buddy...Yeah, Emmett called me...I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry…”

Justin’s voice trails off as he ascends further up the stairs and Hunter and Molly are left alone. Molly studies her boyfriend’s hunched over form before leaning over the counter to run her fingers through his hair and press her forehead against his. Hunter takes both of her hands, kisses them before holding them against his face, then closes his eyes.

“I love you,” he rasps out, sniffling slightly. Molly bites her lip, nods, and moves her head up just enough to press two kisses against his forehead. 

“I love you too.”

\----------------------------------------------------------

“He’s barely talked to me,” Gus says, his voice strangled, “He’s barely talked to anyone. He’s just sitting next to Lily’s bed, staring at the wall.”

Justin breathes in through his nostrils in order to stay calm before answering Gus’s claims about Brian, “Gus, your dad’s probably in a lot of shock. This is going to be very hard on him.”

“He hugged me when I hugged him first, but he didn’t even fucking say anything!” Gus cries, getting more worked up, “Mom can’t stop crying enough to stay with him long so _Ma_ sat with him for a while. She even fucking held his hand and he didn’t even say that he didn’t want her pity. He didn’t say anything! Do you know how weird that is? He’s not dealing with anyone or anything. He’s just fucking sitting and not saying a damn word!”

“You…” Justin starts, then tries to figure out what he can even say, “You have to be patient with him. Understanding. He’s going through more than we can understand. Him shutting down is his mind’s way of protecting him from the pain. He’s...He’s probably not in control right now.”

Gus lets out a few sobs and Justin has to briefly pull the phone away from his ear in order to keep himself from breaking down too. Before Justin can ask if Gus is okay (stupid question, so it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t get the chance) Gus moves on.

“I just…” Gus starts, whimpering, “I just don’t want him to regret not seeing Eric. Everyone else has, except for George. I guess he and his girlfriend are flying into the closest city they can and are driving the rest of the way. The rest of Eric’s family did the same thing and just got here. They’re a fucking mess. His mom was literally wailing. I don’t know Eric’s parents as well as I do the rest of his family. I know he had problems with them, especially his mom. But I feel really bad for them right now, despite how they’ve been in the past.”

“Yeah,” Justin says, sniffling, “I feel bad for them too.”

Gus is quiet for a moment, just the sound of his breathing is heard over the line. It's as if both Gus and Justin are taking a break from the conversation, only for a minute to get their bearings. Justin doesn't think he will ever get his bearings, so he can't imagine how Gus feels. Justin may have felt like a step-dad of sorts, even after the break up when he and Brian hadn't spoken to each other for years but he kept in touch with Gus and visited him when Brian wasn't in Toronto. But Eric? Eric is Gus's step-dad. He can't imagine how this is going to affect him. And god, Lily is going to wake up wanting her _Papa_ and he will never be able to be by her side again-

"Are you coming down?" Gus asks desperately, a question that pulls Justin out of his depressing thoughts only to crush his damn soul.

Justin lets out a sad sigh, "Gus, I can't."

"Why not?" Gus asks sadly, breaking Justin's damn heart in the process.

"I'm staying with Duncan," Justin says, clearing his throat, "He doesn't know yet, but he knows something is wrong with Lily. I don't know how, but he needs people down here with him right now."

"...I know that Emmett and Drew don't want Duncan coming up here if there are attacks. I get why they want him home. But I thought Hunter and Molly were in New York now," Gus sniffles, "Can't one of them stay with him?"

"They're here too," Justin says hesitantly.

"Then why can't you come here?" Gus asks, sounding younger than he's heard the kid come off in years. What can he say to him? The truth? That he feels so fucking guilty he can barely stand it? That Brian probably called and asked for Eric to come home early because Justin got him so upset? He doesn't know that for sure, he doesn't, but he irrationally hates himself right now for asking Brian about the check. No, not asking. Asking is what he had done in the summer. He demanded to talk about it. The alcohol hadn't helped. It made him bold. But Brian had gotten so upset and then so dejected and he was drunk too so it didn't help him keep his own emotions in check when he had admitted why he never cashed it. 

He had just wanted to solve that shit. He would have never brought it up if he thought this was going to happen right after, whether the discussion caused Eric and Lily to get on an earlier train or not. 

But Molly's voice is echoing in his head, telling him to be honest and age appropriate. He's not going to get into everything, he can't, but he needs to be truthful. 

"I'm his ex-fiancé," Justin says, swallowing, "Your dad doesn't need to see me when he has to say goodbye to his husband. I can't do that to him. It would complicate things right now."

"But I thought you were friends now," Gus says, his voice strained and confused, "I thought you were close friends with both him and Eric."

"I was. I _am_ ," Justin corrects himself, wincing, "And I promise I will be at any services and help him however I can once he comes back. Whether that's keeping him company, keeping my distance, or watching Lily and...and the baby so that he can have time to himself. But I really think seeing me would be too much for him right now. It would be too much for me too, to see him so upset."

"I just…" Gus starts, trailing off, "I would just like to see you." 

"I want to see you too," Justin tells him honestly, closing his eyes, "I'm really sorry. I'm sorry about everything."

"Yeah," Gus murmurs, "Me too."

\-----------------------

They only tell Duncan before dinner, after he throws a fit when they tell him he can't bring his tablet to the kitchen table. Duncan has never been much of a tantrum thrower. Justin has seen him pout, sometimes stomp away if he feels rejected or hurt, but for the most part he is a well behaved boy. The only big tantrum Justin had ever seen from him had been before Brian's and Eric's wedding when he had demanded that Eric's nephew, Julian, give him back his bear. That had come from a place of trauma though - and it had passed quickly. 

'Quick' wouldn't be a word to describe this tantrum. As soon as the tablet is taken away and put away, Duncan tries to reason with them. He says that he needs it in case Lily calls back, that she always calls back, but Molly tells him he doesn't need it at the table and he _screams_ before going over to kick the couch. He looks like he wants to kick Molly for not budging and seems like he is about to but thinks better of it. Instead, he just pushes her against her stomach. Justin watches as Molly looks down at Duncan with an amount of patience that neither he nor Hunter have while she just waits him out. 

"I'm fine," Molly tells Hunter when he steps forward, right after a slightly hard push that has Molly stepping back. Duncan seems to feel guilty about it, considering the way tears fill his eyes before he digs the base of his palms into them, as if he's stressed. But he's too stubborn and too lost in his emotions to stop. 

"He's not in a place where he's going to listen right now," Molly says gently, "Just let him get it out until he can calm down. Don't react unless he tries to hurt himself, someone else, or tries to break something."

"Molly, he's trying to hurt you now," Hunter points out quietly.

"No, he's not," Molly scoffs, catching Duncan's hands, "I know you don't want to hurt anyone. I bet you've never hit anyone at all. Why are you trying to hit now?"

"I want my TABLET!" Duncan screams, sobbing as he puts his hands down despite his anger.

"You need to eat dinner first, okay?" Molly says, "Do your dads let you have your tablet when you're eating?"

"N-No!" Duncan wails, "But I t-told you! I message Lily! I call her! Something is wrong!" 

Duncan continues to cry hysterically and it's really hard for Justin to stand there and do nothing. So he gets out his phone to text Emmett because he has no idea what else to do and Emmett and Drew know their son the best.

**He's hysterical because we told him he can't have his tablet at the table. He's been throwing stuff and pushing Molly (not hard, just testing her since she's the one setting up that expectation). Apparently he and Lily secretly downloaded an app they talk through on their tablets and hid it in their game folder. I guess they only use it when they are in their rooms so you might want to make sure it's safe and no one else is added on there. He knows something is wrong with her. I don't know how, I don't know why you decided to adopt a sneaky psychic who has too much game for his own good, but he fucking knows.**

It takes almost twenty minutes for Emmett to respond, twenty minutes of wailing, screaming, hitting a pillow (a step up from pushing at Molly) and Duncan acting like the anti-Duncan, but Justin's phone finally pings.

**But we set up parental controls! He shouldn't even be able to download anything and it should lock after 45 minutes of usage per day anyway!**

Out of all the things Emmett could take from that message, he chooses that? Justin has never received a more Dad-like text in his life. But before Justin can text back, Emmett calls him, his name lighting up the screen. Justin steps out of the room to take the call without so much screaming in the background.

"What's going on?" Emmett says, sounding more stressed than Justin has ever heard him, "My baby has never hit anyone, Justin. He wouldn't. I don't _understand_ -"

"I don't either," Justin says, "Not really. I don't think this is going to be an ongoing thing with him, he seemed to feel really bad and he wasn't hitting, he was just...I don't know, pushing. Like he was trying to aggravate Molly into caving. Molly mentioned she thought the change in behaviors might be because of his abandonment and attachment issues. After what happened to him before you adopted him. He's worried Lily isn't coming back because he thinks something is wrong with her. He probably misses you and Drew a lot and isn't sure when you are coming back either. His routine is all messed up. He didn't want to lie down for a nap. He can definitely sense we are all upset-"

"I should come back," Emmett chokes out, taking in a heaving breath, "He _needs_ me."

"Brian needs you too," Justin says softly, "Right now, he needs you more than Duncan does. He needs his best friends there." 

"Brian…" Emmett starts but trails off. Justin closes his eyes. He doesn't _want_ to know more about Brian. Every bit of information he got from Gus cut into him like a knife. But he can't stop himself from asking.

"How's Brian?" Justin forces himself to say, his eyes still closed.

"Awful," Emmett sniffles, "I mean, he's a little better than he was when we got here early this morning, maybe. He's...He's talking a little more, taking more initiative. He prepared some forms to submit for Lily's transfer to New York if she doesn't go downhill. But...But I think that means he's a step towards pulling the plug on Eric. And I think he knows that too, because after he filled them out, he just sat there and cried. He didn't make one noise. He's still holding a lot of pain in. When Michael tried to comfort him, he just turned his head and hid his face, as if he didn't want anyone to see. He did hug Gus, Cynthia, Rick, and Amanda. But I think that was for their benefit and they all initiated. Amanda is keeping herself occupied. She and Diego went with Lindsay, Mel, and Gus out to dinner. Amanda has always been very nice to Gus. I think she knows Brian is not mentally with it enough to be there for his son right now so she's putting her focus into Gus since she's a mom. I'm very worried about Rick. He's lost so many people already and Eric was...is...a lifeline for him. He's blaming himself since Eric and Lily were coming back from visiting him. He went to Brian and just broke down, telling him how sorry he was. Brian...Brian was able to tell him that none of this is his fault. That there's nothing for Rick to be sorry for. So...So that's good. But it's as if Brian feels he doesn't deserve any kind of comfort or time to openly grieve. Or he's embarrassed to show how upset he's feeling. I don't know." 

Justin lets out a hitched breath, "He shouldn't be embarrassed about being upset. Fuck."

"He…" Emmett starts off, "I don't know. I am going to see if he will live with us for a while once everything that needs to happen...happens. I don't want him alone. He's going to need help. I'm so worried about him and I can't imagine how Lily is going to be if - when - she wakes up and her Papa isn't here-"

Emmett breaks off and Justin can hear him trying to keep himself under control and he gets it. Justin is trying to do the same. 

"But my baby," Emmett says, clearing his throat as he gets back on the original topic, "I'm really sorry he is giving you a hard time. He's always been very in tune with people. I'm not sure why. Drew and I always have to be careful about how we come off if we are upset or pissed off about something. He immediately gets agitated and uncomfortable whenever we are. I never expected him to get like this though."

"Well, this is probably the worst any of us have ever felt," Justin says sadly, "If he really is that perceptive, then he's probably feeling overwhelmed."

"I just don't get how he knows this is about Lily," Emmett says, choking on her name, "He was asleep when we called Kendra and when she arrived and he was still asleep when we called and told her what was going on. There's no way he overheard."

"I don't know," Justin sighs, "I really don't. He's very close with Lily. I guess there have been weirder things that have happened. Molly is the one who has been dealing with him the most today. I guess he said to her, 'Lily isn't coming back tomorrow, is she?' and she was honest and said that she wasn't, then just said that you and Drew went up to help and find out more. He made her promise to tell him whatever she found out. He started out worried and determined and now he's just miserable. I don't think we can keep it from him much longer."

Emmett lets out a sob that's quickly stifled, "Justin, I don't want to tell him. I know I need to if he's getting like this, but I don't know if I can. I can't break my baby's heart. I can't do this to him." 

"I said the same thing and he isn't even my kid. Molly said she could do it," Justin says softly, "She's not as close with Brian, Eric, and Lily as the rest of us are. She's upset and worried but she's keeping her cool while Hunter and I are going through the motions at best. She can keep a level head. She has worked with kids. Hell, she worked with some really bad kids at one of the schools she worked at. She's gotten punched in the face at work. She can handle Duncan."

"You better not be comparing my kid to the ones she worked with at that sister school Hunter complained about non-stop," Emmett growls, "He griped about Molly getting her rotator cuff torn there when I called him over the summer."

"I'm not comparing Duncan to those kids. They had a lot of diagnoses there, so I shouldn't call them bad. Regardless, Duncan isn't anything like them," Justin says, "He's one of the best kids on the planet and you and I both know it. He just isn't the best kid on the planet _right now_."

There's a pause on the line, as if Emmett is weighing his options, before he speaks again.

"Okay," Emmett sighs, "Alright. When he's calm, if Molly feels comfortable talking to him about Lily, she can. I don't know what to say about Eric. If he doesn't ask, don't bring it up. I don't see him doing this, but if he asks about Eric specifically for whatever reason and really pushes on it, I suppose tell him that...tell him that Eric died and is in a better place."

Justin lets out a tortured sound, "Fuck, Emmett, but he hasn't yet-"

"But he will," Emmett interrupts, "And Duncan will understand that. He's not going to understand things like 'clinically brain dead' or how Eric is only technically alive because of some machines until things can get sorted. But I...I would rather wait until Drew or I can talk to him about Eric. I don't want to put that kind of announcement on any of you. Take it from me, it's the worst fucking thing to tell a person. I've done it plenty today." 

Justin takes a moment to comprehend that, to comprehend how big of a burden Emmett took on by going up there and sorting everything out when it came to the family. Suddenly, Justin's heart aches for Emmett too.

"Are you doing okay?" Justin asks softly, already knowing the answer.

Emmett lets out a humorless laugh, "No, Justin. I'm really not."

\-------------------------------

When Justin returns to the living room, both Molly and Hunter are sitting on the couch and Duncan is in Molly's lap with his head resting on her shoulder as she strokes his head. At first, Justin thinks the little boy is asleep. It wouldn't be surprising if he had worn himself out. But as soon as Justin gets a better look at him, he can see Duncan's eyes are open, his gaze following Justin as he comes closer to the couch. 

"Uh, Molly?" Justin says softly, causing Molly and Hunter to look up at him, "I just got off the phone. No new news, but we can uh...We can talk about Lily now."

Molly nods and Duncan immediately sits up, turning to look at Molly expectantly. 

"You did a good job at calming down," Molly tells him, and it's weird to hear her like this, patient, understanding, structured, and maternal. He knows that Molly had been a good teacher in the sense that she fought the school board for more curriculars and truly cared about the kids, but he had thought she had wanted to leave because she didn't like the job. And maybe she hadn't. Her boss was a dick. But now Justin knows her dislike hadn't come from not liking to teach children or work with children. It had to come from the lack of challenges, both in the easiness of elementary school science and the fact that Molly is a pro at dealing with the more difficult behaviors. She's definitely better than him. Probably better than their own parents had been. He's never been more relieved to have her around - for his own kids coming in a matter of months and for Duncan right now. 

"Do you think you can stay calm while we talk?" She asks him as Duncan nods vigorously.

"Yes, I stay calm," Duncan says, his big brown eyes still slightly wet with tears, "I can do that. I'm sorry I got so mad. I'm sorry I shoved you." 

"I know you're sorry, it's okay," Molly smiles, "If you get really upset again - and it's okay if you do - what can you do instead of shoving people or throwing things? Think of three ways you can calm down."

Duncan puts one finger up, "I play with Stella. 'Cause she loves me and helps me feel better."

"Good idea, that's one," Molly nods, "What's number two?"

"I draw. Justin can help!" Duncan says, bouncing slightly in Molly's lap. 

"Sure, Duncan," Justin says, reaching over to rub Duncan's shoulder, "I can draw with you."

"Alright, that was number two," Molly says, "What's number three?"

Duncan stares at Molly for a moment, then softly asks, "I talk to Lily? I call her."

Molly sighs, "She can't talk right now, sweetie."

"But why?" Duncan sniffles. 

Molly purses her lips, "Lily got very hurt in an accident. She's in the hospital in a different city right now. The doctors gave her a lot of medicine so that she will sleep for a few days-"

"Days?!" Duncan yells, putting his hands on top of his head as if he can't believe what he's hearing, "How?!"

"It's a medicine that keeps her really sleepy, so that she won't wake up until they stop giving it to her," Molly says, "It's so she won't be in pain and won't move around. It will make it so she'll heal a little faster."

"What…" Duncan starts out, distressed, "What happened?"

"A really big accident on a train. A lot of people got hurt," Molly says sadly, "Lily has some broken bones, some bandages, some other stuff going on too. She's going to be hurt for a while. She's going to need a lot of help and love whenever she does get back." 

Duncan nods his head vigorously and points to his chest, " _I_ will help her. I will help her because I love her." 

"I know you do," Molly says, "But that's why you can't talk to Lily right now. I'm sorry, Duncan."

Duncan nods sadly, mulling over the words Molly just said to him before meeting her eyes again, "I talk to you. Since Lily is asleep and Daddy and Pa are helping her. I talk to you. That's number three."

Molly shrugs and smiles, "I'm cool with that. You ready for dinner? It probably needs heat up again. We should go check." 

Justin and Hunter hang back as Duncan follows Molly towards the kitchen, maybe not happily, but more content than the little boy had been since they first arrived.

"Yeah," Justin says, "I'm just going to sign the twins over to Molly when they're born. Have fun being a parent."

Hunter turns his head towards him and glares, only to let out a small laugh, the lightest sound he's heard from Hunter all day.

"You're a dick," Hunter says, shaking his head but then he smiles softly, "...She is great though, isn't she?"

"Yeah," Justin agrees, finally letting himself smile as well, "She is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian says goodbye.

After the drive and an emotional meltdown that almost had him sedated, Brian feels so incredibly numb. He didn't need a shot or a pill to make it happen. When a nurse had taken pity on him during his crisis and said that was something they could do if he couldn't calm down (an offer made in a hushed voice and shifty eyes, as if it was something she could technically do but probably shouldn't), he managed to get out a no. Brian had said no because he didn't deserve to feel any better. He still doesn't. His numbness now comes from what felt like hours of hysteria, but it had probably just been several minutes. It comes from Emmett and Drew arriving and taking over. It comes from falling into a routine that consists of solely watching his sleeping daughter. 

Sleeping. It isn't a lie he's telling himself. Lily is sleeping.

The numbness is only threatened when Cynthia comes and cries over Lily, because Lily is Cynthia's daughter too, biologically. It's a connection that Brian doesn't have with his little girl and suddenly he's grateful that Cynthia signed her over and that his rights won't be threatened after all of this. And thinking of _this_ makes him think of Eric and thinking of Eric makes him stand up and accept Cynthia's hug since thinking of his husband suddenly makes Brian feel so incredibly alone and sad. He might be hoping that her hug helps him feel a little better. A little less alone, a little less sad. It does and it doesn't. The hug makes tears fall down his face and he hates it. He doesn't deserve to fucking cry. He strongly prefers feeling so incredibly numb because it keeps him from feeling like this. 

The numbness returns soon enough and maybe Cynthia feels it too since she doesn't talk much either. They sit across from each other. Both of them with a hand on Lily as she sleeps and the numbness isn't threatened again until his family arrives, Ted and Blake from Pittsburgh, the rest from Toronto. Gus causes the numbness to leave again and Brian finds himself almost resenting his son for it and it is so fucked to feel that way, so utterly fucked to resent his son for hugging him and crying into his shoulder due to grief and fear. He shouldn't feel that way. He can't feel that way. He can't bring himself to comfort Gus much. If he speaks, then he will either break down or blow up and he doesn't want to put Gus through either so he occasionally pats the boy's shoulder, tells him everything will be okay, and knows that anyone who can hear him say that will think he's going more insane. But that's okay. He's maintaining the lack of feeling and that's what he wants.

It's threatened again with Lindsey and Mel, when they come in after Gus leaves. Lindsey is a mess and is bursting into tears every time she looks at him, so she leaves the room to pull herself together, all while Mel holds his hand. He should be more disturbed by the fact that Mel cares enough to do that. It's a stupid thought. They give each other a lot of shit, but he knows he would do the same for her if he felt like she needed it. But a more normal version of himself would still - at the very least - make a sarcastic remark. Something to get her to let go and say she'll never show any affection towards him again. But he can't bring himself to say a word, so he doesn't. He just waits it out. 

The numbness threatens to shatter when Debbie just holds him and says absolutely nothing. It's as if neither of them know what to do or say because this can't be made better. Things will never be okay again, not even with the help of a Debbie Novotny pep talk.

He has to use words when Rick comes in and breaks down in front of him, blaming himself for what happened. It never occurred to Brian to blame Rick for all of this. It would be easier, easier to be angry at someone else rather than hate himself. But he doesn't blame Rick, he can't even fake it.

"Don't apologize," Brian gets out, his voice barely above a whisper as he tightens his grip on his daughter's hand, "I don't blame you. It's not your fault."

He accepts a hug from Rick and returns it, only because he knows Eric would want him to. 

Soon after, he realizes watching Lily doesn't give him enough to do and Eric's family arrives, which makes him feel more guilty. Brian shouldn't feel sorry for Louisa. He shouldn't. But he can clearly see that her inconsolable grief is genuine and the expression of stoic, insurmountable pain on James' face is just as real. Seeing them in pain makes Brian realize that they are losing their son and he came _so_ close to losing his own child just hours ago. He knows how it feels. He fucking knows and he knows that the pain they are feeling is debilitating, which is why Brian prefers numb. He tries not to think of it anymore because that realization makes him remember that while he hopefully won't lose Lily, he's losing his…

He feels the threat of emotions that he is terrified of bubbling in his chest so he asks the doctor for paperwork to prepare for Lily's transfer. His voice comes out hoarse due to its lack of use but the sound of it seems to surprise Michael and Emmett. He can't pay them any more attention than that. He needs to focus on Lily. She should be back in New York. Closer to people who care about her. She will be closer to home. He will be home. He won't feel as lost and out of place as he feels now. He will be able to make sure she gets the best care possible.

But after he finishes filling out the papers - every dotted line signed and dated - he realizes what he's just done. Taking Lily home means leaving Eric and he can't _leave_ Eric. The only way Eric can come to New York is in a body bag or an urn because no hospital in New York will take a brain dead patient who had been so fucking meticulous about his living will, updating it even to include Brian, Lily, an unborn child, Gus, as well as his siblings, nephews, and parents, making sure every bit of language was right so that no one would be cheated of any inheritance. Brian had thought he was being overly dramatic. He had a will himself - of course he did, he fucking had cancer and had witnessed two hate crimes - but Eric had been so set on making sure everything was in order in case they died somehow. He made sure that Lily and the baby would go to Cynthia if they both died - or Lindsey and Mel if something happened to Cynthia too, so that they could be with Gus. Michael and Ben are third on the list, Amanda and Diego are fourth, and Rick and Sally are fifth - in case something fucking catastrophic occurs and kills off all of them. Brian had felt a better fit would be Emmett and Drew, considering Lily is so close with them, but Eric had just shook his head and said, _"Lily loves Duncan. Loves loves, according to her. They can't become siblings."_

But along with a list of assets, inheritance breakdowns, and guardianship requests, he had also included a portion for end of life care. One that stated not to keep Eric on life support if there was no hope, to pull the plug if there was no improvement.

He just signed papers to have Lily moved back home if she continues to stabilize. And he knows he isn't going to leave Eric behind.

The tears hit him before he can stop them and it isn't just him and Lily in the room. Michael and Emmett are both there to witness the numbness fading away again. Michael immediately pulls his chair closer and wraps his arms around Brian. Brian thinks about saying he's fine but it would all spill out then, every fucking bit of it, so he stays silent and hides his face when the tears refuse to stop. 

"You're allowed to cry," Michael says into his ear, his voice choked, "It's fucking expected. Let it out, Brian. It's okay."

He can't 'let it out'. He fucking can't. Expected his ass. He has no right to. Rick may blame himself for all of this, but Brian knows who is really at fault. He knows with 100% certainty.

\-----------------------

George and Clover arrive and George is already completely high upon arrival. Not his usual high, happy and laid back. No, this high is creating a numbness similar to what Brian is feeling. His brother-in-law sits next to him - in solidarity, Brian can only assume. The man's face looks lifeless, as if he's avoiding feeling everything Brian's avoiding too.

"You want the rest of these?" George asks in a monotone voice, passing over a small tin of THC gummies. 

Brian shakes his head. That's all he does. It might take George by surprise. Part of Eric's exasperations with George had been the fact that George and Brian got high together close to every single night they were in the same house. Thinking of that keeps him from reaching for the gummies. Edibles take a couple of hours to kick in anyway.

"I know we were different," George rasps out, sniffling as he quickly rubs a hand over his face, "But we were getting closer. He was calling a lot more. He...He's my little brother. I always loved him."

"I know you did," Brian says, staring straight ahead. 

"And I…" George continues, trailing off before gesturing at Lily "I will always love her. So uh...so if you need anything, I will be there for you guys. Just because...Just because this is happening doesn't mean you aren't still my brother-in-law. You're family. So are Gus, Lily, and the baby-"

George breaks off with a sob before getting himself under control, "Eric was really excited to meet that new little girl. He was so fucking close, man. So fucking close."

Brian doesn't know what to say to that. He's afraid to utter a single word. 

"I'm uh…" George starts, then points his thumb towards the door, "I'm gonna go see him. I haven't yet, couldn't bring myself to walk in. But if I don't, I will fucking regret it for the rest of my life."

While Brian doesn't know what to say to that either, he knows exactly how George feels. And knowing George is the last one needing to see Eric has Brian's heart dropping into his stomach, as if it has just detached itself, beating weakly in the completely wrong part of his body. 

It only leaves him. 

He's the only one left.

\-----------------------

Early Tuesday morning, Brian sends out a mass text that he's arranging for the doctors to take Eric off of life support. It's probably a cruel way to tell everyone, some cold and clinical text, but he can't deal with saying the words out loud more than he has to, so that's how he does it. He waits for Emmett and Cynthia. He knows them well enough to know that they are barely sleeping. He texts them privately to ask if they can sit with Lily. When they arrive, Michael comes too and when they all look like they want to touch him or console him pointlessly, he just holds up his hand.

"I can't do this right now," he says honestly, meeting their eyes for the first time since they arrived, "Just let me go. Please."

They do. 

The walk to the other side of the hospital feels like it goes on for miles, but when he finally arrives, it takes several minutes of loitering outside of Eric's room before he can bring himself to walk in. And then he does, because he really wants Eric right now and Eric is inside. 

But once he walks in, he sees that Eric doesn't really look like Eric. His head is wrapped in bandages and the ventilator forced down his throat gives him an expression Brian has never seen. His legs feel like Jell-O as he makes his way to the chair and he takes Eric's hand because he can't touch his curls like he wants to. He just wants to see him look normal. He wants him to be sleeping like he can convince himself Lily is. One look at Eric here and Brian knows his husband isn't asleep. One look can tell Brian that his husband is-

"Hey…" Brian starts off after a shaky inhale, "You uh...You-"

Brian breaks off and sucks back the tears threatening to spill over. Taking a few deep breaths, he tries again.

"I'm sorry," Brian chokes out, biting his lip so hard that he's surprised it isn't bleeding, "I'm so fucking sorry. I should have fucking been on that train. You helped your friend, you saved our kid, and this is what fucking happens to you? This is it?" 

Brian quickly puts his head down, pressing his face into Eric's side. He wants Eric to run his fingers through his hair, tell him that he's going to be fine, be the one Brian completely breaks down in front of because Eric is the only one Brian wants comforted by right now. 

But none of those things are going to happen. None of them, never again. He thinks of what else he can say. He could recall their best moments, talk about how there should have been so many more of them, assure him that Lily is going to be okay (she will be, she fucking will be) and that the baby will be okay too. He should tell Eric that he can let go now, that they'll be okay. But as soon as he tries, he can't get those words past the lump in his throat.

"I love you," Brian says instead, taking Eric's hand to kiss it, then leans up to kiss his forehead, the corner of his eyelid, and his face that only one of Brian's tears falls on. 

He doesn't try to say anything else. He stays silent, even when the doctor disconnects Eric from the machines and Eric's heart ceases to beat. He doesn't move. He doesn't cry. He doesn't let the terror and indescribable pain ruin the last minutes he will ever have with his husband. Even though they are the worst minutes he has ever gone through in his life, he doesn't give into the pain because Brian knows there will be no coming back from it. 

He just sits there with his arms around Eric's torso for as long as the doctors will let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :( Sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian needs to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: for sleep deprivation and suicidal thoughts

After Eric's body is taken to the morgue, Brian stands up and walks purposefully until he is standing outside of the hospital. He doesn't go out through the lower level into the parking lot, just out the main entrance. The street in front of him is busy and he would be lying if he said he didn't once think about walking in front of a moving car. He thinks about it. Hard. He contemplates if death or a significant injury will help him feel better at all. If he doesn't die, the injuries might distract him. It might give him a reason to come out of his numbness and not be afraid of what he might feel, since the physical pain might hit him before whatever else does. 

If he dies, he can be with Eric. He would see Eric again, if Heaven or some sort of equivalent exists. Or maybe he wouldn't. Because while Eric would end up in Heaven for sure, Brian is more of a toss up. He could end up somewhere completely different and his death would have been for nothing. But if he does die and he does end up with Eric, he would be able to see him again. Touch him, kiss him, hold him. 

If Eric would let him. An Eric in the afterlife might be all-knowing and know that this is all Brian's fault. He might refuse to even see Brian and he would definitely be enraged if Brian killed himself and up and abandoned the kids, especially right now.

He toes at the curb though, testing his body to see if it will walk out into the street on its own free will. It doesn't.

"Are you alright, sir?" 

Brian glances behind him and sees a young woman standing there, long after everyone else has crossed the street. He was probably in her way, that has to be the only reason she's asking. He's surprised she's so polite about it.

"I'm tired," is all Brian says. It's not a lie. It's the absolute truth. He hasn't slept in three and a half days. He's starting to feel it, with the way his hands have been shaking the last several hours and the way his body suddenly hurts. Maybe that's why he wants to die right now. His body probably thinks he is trying to make it happen anyway.

"I need to sleep," Brian continues and suddenly he sounds desperate. He wants to be unconscious, but even more so, he wants to be dead. Just for a while. He just wants to be dead long enough to see Eric and talk to him for a little bit. 

"Are you having trouble sleeping?" the woman asks, "I'm a nurse. I work here. Do you need me to help you check in? I don't mind going back in to do that."

He thinks on it, or at least as much as he can think about anything right now. Maybe there is something wrong. He feels dizzy and he just wants to lie down with Eric, that's all he wants, and he can't have it. The fact that he can't is making him feel like he's seconds from insanity. He just wants everything to stop. Maybe a doctor can figure out a way to make his mind stop.

"I'm fine," Brian says instead. The crosswalk lines signals for him to walk so he does. The key card Emmett put in his pocket says _The Inn at Penn_ with a post-it note with the number 616 on it so that's where he goes. If his eyes are telling him the truth, then the hotel is right there down the street, in plain sight. 

He makes it through the hotel doors and makes it to the sixth floor, but he feels like he's walking in a dream so he's not sure if he's actually made it. Maybe he fell asleep at the crosswalk. Maybe he's still next to Lily's bed and finally passed out. Nothing feels real. 

He gets to room 616 and puts the key card in the slot. The light turns green the first try, which is sometimes a rarity so maybe this is all a dream. He steps in and sees some shopping bags on the dresser but no other sign the room has been entered. One glance in them tells him Emmett bought him clothes, not the kind that Emmett usually tries to force upon him, but ones he knows Brian will actually wear. It makes him realize he hasn't changed or showered since Friday evening and he's fucking disgusting.

His head falls forward as he takes off his clothes, leaving them in a heap in the middle of the hotel room before going to the bathroom to turn on the hot water. He only spends a few seconds in the shower before realizing he doesn't have the energy to stand, so he lowers himself down until he's sitting in the tub. He thinks about turning the faucet on to take a bath instead. But the last time he took a bath, it had been with Eric sitting right in front of him in between his legs on their honeymoon together. It's not like they hadn't taken showers together. They had taken a LOT of showers together. But the baths had been few and far between. Tender. Something he hadn't done with anyone else. 

Brian decides to just sit there and let the shower head wash over him, reaching up to grab the soap, washcloth, and shampoo when needed. 

He puts the robe on when he manages to find just enough energy to lift himself out of the tub and dry himself off. He would usually just fall in the bed naked and shameless. But he feels cold, so fucking cold. He wants Eric's arms around him but the robe will just have to do. So he pulls the robe around his body tightly, hoping to trick his brain into thinking he's not alone, then shuffles out of the bathroom and sits on the bed. 

He needs to make some calls. Or ask people to make some calls for him. He's just so tired.

He calls Amanda first, after he sees a simple text saying, 'Okay' in response to his mass announcement hours ago. Accepting, since there had been no other choice in the matter. He feels like he should call Eric's parents, despite everything. But when he mentions it, all she says is, 

"Just…" Amanda sniffles, "Brian, I can talk to Emmett, Cynthia, and Michael. We can start to sort through some things. We won't make any big decisions without you. You're in charge. As for my parents? I'll handle them."

"Are they…" Brian starts, closing his eyes, "Are they mad that I-"

"No. Brian, no. Dad is a lawyer. He understands Eric's will completely and what he would have wanted. He knows you made a necessary decision and that it came down to you. He's grieving for his son but he's also worried about you. I've never seen him like this," Amanda admits, her voice breaking, "I've never seen my dad cry, let alone this hard. I haven't seen George cry either, at least not that I can remember, but I've seen him cry twice in the last 48 hours. They...They both want you to know they care about you and are here for you though. Mom...Mom is inconsolable. She hasn't said much about anything at all. She's too gone in her head. I don't know how she feels about your decision to take him off of life support this morning, but if she starts having problems with it later, Dad and I will deal with her. Don't stress about us, okay? Focus on yourself right now, and Lily. Get some rest."

"I'm so fucking tired," Brian says, his voice cracking on the last word as his face crumbles before he reigns it all back in.

"I know," Amanda says softly, "I know you are. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just...Just go to sleep. Please? Eric would want you to rest up so that you can be there for Lily later. I'm worried about you. You're going to give yourself a heart attack if you keep it up much longer." 

He calls Ted after. His first thought is to call Emmett but Emmett has already dealt with so much of everything and had told everyone what happened because Brian couldn't do it. Brian might not have been focused on it, but Emmett had looked exhausted before Brian went over to Eric's room. Emmett needs a break too. 

So he calls Ted because Ted handles all of his accounts and Eric's personal accounts. Ted should know so that he can get started on everything. But instead of giving him a rundown list of everything needing to be done, Brian finds himself only able to say a few words.

"Eric's dead," Brian says tiredly, "I need help."

"What…" Ted starts, then clears his throat, "Brian, when you say 'help' do you mean with paperwork or is this something more serious and personal? Either way, I'll come to you. I am in a hotel a few blocks over so I can be there fast-"

"I need to sleep," Brian says again, his own voice sounding like a broken record, "I need to sleep and a lot of stuff needs to get done. Can you organize some paperwork and let the rest of our friends and family know that Eric's go-"

Brian stops, takes a moment to gather himself, then tries again.

"I just really need to sleep, Ted," he ends up saying instead. 

"Okay," Ted says, "I can...I can tell everyone. You just rest, Bri. For as long as you need to."

After Brian hangs up, he lies down on the bed and pulls the robe tightly around him. He only drifts off when he wills himself to believe it's Eric's arms around him instead. He wants to dream about him. Maybe this way, he will. 

\-------------------------

"I want to stay with Dad."

The words have Mel sharply turning her head as she feels her wife freeze next to her in the booth. It had been a solemn and quiet morning. Gus had been prepared - or as prepared as one can be for something as awful as this - when she and Lindsey had to announce Eric's passing to him. The announcement of Eric being brain dead and Lily being severely injured had hit Gus hard. The news had their son crying like she hasn't seen him cry in years before he demanded to go to Philadelphia. They kept JR with Ben and Felix. It would be too much for her to see Eric and Lily like that if Mel even let JR see them at all. It had been better to keep JR in Toronto for all of this, especially after she had gotten so upset by the news and seeing her brother get so emotional. Plus, JR has always processed her feelings well with Ben. It would give her someone to talk to. It would give Ben someone to talk to as well. JR will be okay. Ben will take JR and Felix to New York when it is time to follow Brian and Lily home for the arrangements, and she will spend time with all three of her brothers. She will be healthy, alive, happy, and safe and stay that way.

Mel just isn't sure about Gus. 

"Sweetheart…" Lindsey starts out, as if she's choosing her words carefully, "He's not doing well right now, emotionally. He's going to have a very rough time for quite a while. I don't know if -"

"At least until after New Year's," Gus continues as if he hasn't even heard his mother's response, "He shouldn't be by himself." 

"Gus, I promise you," Mel says, finally speaking up, "Your dad isn't going to be by himself. He has close friends in New York and I think Cynthia is planning on working from the New York branch, at least for a while-"

"He'll push them away!" Gus snaps, slamming his hand down on the table, "The more concern and love they show, the more he will claim he doesn't need their pity. You know him. You _know_ him. He won't do that to Lily and he won't do that to me but Lily isn't awake yet and she's fucking four so I am the one who should be there for him, alright?!"

The small rant has Gus gripping his napkin and breathing out through his nose with frustration. The other patrons in the diner ignore him, as if they know what this is likely about. Melanie wouldn't be surprised if some are in the same exact position, with loved ones who had been hurt or killed in this god awful attack. They probably completely understand where Gus is coming from.

Lindsey lets out a breath, "Sweetheart, you still have another week of school before break. You have a few more finals-"

"Then I will ask if I can write research papers and email them instead!" Gus says, "Or I will fail. I don't give a shit. That's fucking nothing. I'd probably do badly if I went back and crammed everything in after the service anyway." 

Lindsey looks as if she's trying to figure out another way to get him to stay, another way to protect her teenage son from feeling the need to take care of his father.

"What about…" Lindsey starts, "What about Penelope-"

"She'll understand!" Gus yells before pressing a fist to his mouth. Before he can blow up more or storm out of the restaurant altogether, Mel places a hand on his arm and leans in.

"We'll talk to your dad about it later," Mel says, "You are thinking ahead. I understand why, but we will be close by at least for another couple of days, until Lily is transferred and a date is decided for a service. But we can't bring this up to him _today_ , alright? Your dad...Your dad just lost Eric a few hours ago. Any more pressure put on him today about anything might send him over the edge. He needs to say yes or no when his mind is a little bit clearer. Today, he just needs to rest. Ted said he sounded exhausted. When he's rested up, we can maybe bring it up. If he says yes, then you staying with him for a few weeks can be an option. But if he says no, don't take it personally. We can ask in a couple of days."

Gus doesn't have anything to say to that. He just stares down at his plate before pushing it away.

Lindsey lets out a sigh, "Gus, sweetheart, you need to eat-"

"I'm not hungry."

Mel can't blame him. She doesn't think any of them are. 

\------------------

From what Emmett can witness, Brian sleeps hours upon hours. And he does witness it. He had kept a spare key, possibly demanded that the front desk concierge print a third one. Fucking sue him for not leaving his newly widowed friend in a hotel room by himself, at least until Michael got off of Lily duty. He's glad he kept it, especially when Ted reached out and said Brian just kept repeating that he wanted to sleep and while Ted had been sure Brian needed the rest, he sounded off. 

The offness could have been contributed to grief, sadness, and sleep deprivation. Apparently, it had been. But at the time, Emmett hadn't been sure and he distinctly remembers Brian going off the rails after he witnessed Justin's bashing, even after it had been revealed that Justin would be okay. It didn't help that - when Emmett revealed his concerns to Michael - Michael told him he walked in on Brian trying to hang himself on his thirtieth birthday, just because he was having a crisis about his age. Turning thirty is nothing compared to this.

Brian has grown since then though. He has changed and found better ways to cope. He doesn't put quite as much value in age or appearances as he used to. He's a full-time father and a good one at that. But he has never gone through something as stressful and heart wrenching as this. Emmett is going to worry. They all are. Besides, worrying gives Emmett more to do. Worrying and tending to anything Brian might need distracts him from his own grief for Eric, not to mention his own concerns about Lily and the continuous ache he has for his own child back home. 

Emmett sticks the key into Room 616's slot and hopes the whirring from the lock doesn't wake Brian. A few steps in tells him that it hadn't. Brian is deeply asleep on the bed, wrapped up in a complimentary robe. Despite being asleep, his face still looks grief stricken, exhausted, and lost. Emmett lets out a sigh, then puts some lunch in the mini fridge that he picked up from down the street, before leaving him a note on the nightstand to let him know there's food ready for him to eat. Emmett has a sinking feeling that Brian won't eat it, but he really hopes that isn't the case. 

He heads to his own room then, two floors down. Drew is sitting on the bed and on the phone as Emmett slips in. Drew takes one look at him, covers the mouthpiece, and whispers, "Justin." 

Emmett nods as he puts their own lunches down next to the TV, "Can you put him on speaker?" 

Drew nods and presses on his screen. Immediately, Emmett can hear a little bit of sniffling and he can only assume that Justin knows now, whether Ted delivered the news or Drew did. Regardless, Emmett is relieved he didn't have to make any calls this round and that he doesn't have to break the news about Eric dying right now. 

"Hey, Justin," Emmett says tiredly, "How are...nevermind. I know the answer. How's my baby?"

There's a few seconds of silence on the line before Justin says, "He's okay. Better than a couple of days ago. He's had a few nightmares. Reached out for Molly immediately. He's latched himself onto her. Apparently, that's common."

"I'm glad she's there," Emmett says, "If she's looking for any work to pick up until she starts school in the fall, Kendra is moving back to Michigan in January. She could watch him a couple of days a week."

"She might appreciate the offer," Justin says softly, "How are you doing?"

"...I don't know," Emmett admits hoarsely as Drew takes his hand in his own, "The uh...The anticipation is over. In the worst way, but still...the waiting was hard, knowing what was eventually going to happen. Brian must have had a moment where he felt he could face it. He didn't want anyone in the room with him. I guess he wanted to be alone with Eric during those last...anyway, now I'm just worried about Lily and Brian. We are getting things set up. Brian still has to make all of the big decisions but we are just making it so he won't be so overwhelmed and will have the options and paperwork right in front of him, ready to go."

"Is…" Justin starts, "Is Brian…"

"Brian's asleep," Emmett says softly, "None of us saw him after Eric passed, so I don't know how he was. He apparently went to the hotel room to call Amanda and Ted so that they would know to spread the word. They both said he sounded exhausted and just kept talking about wanting to go to sleep. He...He really needed it. I don't think he's slept much since arriving, if he's slept at all. I have a spare key to his room, so I'm checking in on him every so often, but he's out cold."

"He shouldn't be alone when he wakes up," Justin rasps out, "I'm serious. He might have been too exhausted to react much this morning, but he's going to remember once he wakes up-"

"I got a double," Emmett interrupts, "Michael is staying in the other bed. If Brian really demands to be alone, we have a pullout couch in here that Michael can stay on. But we made sure Brian would have someone in the room with him if he needed it."

"Okay," Justin says, his voice shaky, "Alright, that's good. Um, Molly is about to bring Duncan in so that they can make lunch with Hunter. You want to talk to him?"

"Always," Emmett answers. And he means it. 

He and Drew sit side by side as they wait for the telltale signs of pattering footsteps running into the kitchen. Even though they barely hear them over the phone, they're still there, accompanied with a, "Daddddyyyyy! Paaa!"

"I miss you!" Duncan says immediately, as soon as he's on the line.

"I miss you too, sweetheart," Emmett says, tears immediately filling his eyes as he tries to smile, "Are you having fun with Justin, Hunter, and Molly?"

"Yes, Daddy," Duncan confirms, "We are making a snow fort for me, Stella, and Archie."

Emmett can't help but smile slightly at Molly's enunciation of the dog's true name in the background, all while Hunter laughs with what is likely vindication.

"A snow fort?" Drew exclaims once Molly makes her correction, "There's that much snow back home?"

"Yes!" 

"That sounds like so much fun, baby," Emmett says, then clears his throat, "You're being good, right?"

Duncan takes a second longer to answer that one, "I got mad before, because I was very worried. So I got mad and I pushed Molly and felt very bad, then throwed my toys. I don't know why. But Molly help me calm down and I learned coping skills."

"Oh, yeah?" Drew asks, sounding concerned but also a little amused, likely due to the words 'coping skills' out of their four year old's mouth, "What are your coping skills?"

"Play with Stella because she loves me," Duncan begins to list, "Draw - with Justin or by myself, and talk to Molly since Lily is sleeping and you both aren't here."

The mention of Lily makes Emmett's heart sink and he can see a frown etching its way on Drew's face as well.

"Is Lily up yet?" Duncan asks desperately, "Molly said she is sleeping for days and it's been days. Can you wake her up now?"

Drew breathes out through his nose, "I'm sorry, buddy. We aren't the ones who can wake her up. Only the doctors can start doing that and see if Lily is ready to wake up."

"But I want her to wake up _now_ ," Duncan stresses.

"Hey, Duncan?" Emmett says, trying to redirect his son, "You're supposed to make lunch with Molly and Hunter, right? What are you making?"

"Shepoor's Pie," Duncan says, still sounding troubled. 

"Shepherd's Pie? That sounds really good," Drew says, "If you guys don't eat it all, put some in the freezer so we can try it when we get home."

"You're coming home now?" Duncan asks hopefully.

"Not...Not today, sweetie," Emmett says, "Soon though, okay? A couple of days max."

"Days," Duncan mumbles, annoyed and dejected, "Days, days, days. Everything is days."

"I'll…" Drew starts, glancing at Emmett with hesitation, "I'll try to come back sooner if I can."

Emmett isn't going to argue about it with Drew. He wants him here with him, of course he does, but between the two of them and Duncan, Duncan comes first every time.

"We'll figure out something soon," Emmett ends up saying, "Have fun making lunch with Hunter and Molly, okay? We love you very much."

"I love you too," Duncan says, "Bye, Daddy. Bye, Pa."

Duncan hangs up before they can say goodbye in return or ask him to put Justin back on the phone. 

Drew clears his throat, "I...With Michael, Lindsey, Mel, Ted, Blake, Cynthia, and Debbie here, I was thinking at least one of us could go back home," Drew says softly, "I don't like what this is doing to Duncan and I have a feeling it might get worse in some ways after we tell him about Eric. We can also make sure everything is okay at Brian's house, check on the rats-"

"Oh my God, the rats!" Emmett says, standing up in horror but Drew shakes his head and pulls him back onto the bed.

"They're _fine_ ," Drew insists, "Malia and Jess have both been checking in on them. But I figured we could keep them at the house until Lily is transferred or back home. I suppose I could tell Justin where our spare key to Brian's house is, have him pick them up. But I…"

"You miss Duncan and you're worried about him," Emmett finishes, "I'm worried too. It's just...I don't know if Michael can stay for very long. He just had a baby and I know he wants to be with Brian but he also wants to be with his son. I don't know about Lindsey, Mel, and Gus, but I know Gus's school is in session. Cynthia will probably stay with Brian. Ted will probably keep Kinnetik in order while they are both dealing with this. Eric's siblings and parents might stick around but I don't know how much comfort they will be able to offer Brian. Debbie could stay too, maybe, but she has a new grandson."

"You're afraid to leave Brian alone," Drew says softly, "I understand. That's why I could go back home to be with Duncan if you feel like you are needed here." 

Emmett nods, but then lets out a quiet sob, "I just want you with me right now."

Drew wraps his arms around Emmett and kisses his temple, "I'm here, Emmett. I'm right here."

\---------------------------

Brian wakes up to darkness and utter confusion as to where the fuck he is. He sits up and looks around, then spots an alarm clock next to him that claims it is 7:30. But is it night or morning? It's December, so Brian knows it would be lighter if it was morning. Last he remembers, he was…

He rushes to the bathroom and retches into the toilet, throwing up absolutely nothing because he hasn't eaten in days. He feels uncontrollably dizzy and sick, although not as bad as he felt this morning. But he hurts. Everything fucking hurts. He can't do this, he can't, he can't-

"Brian?" he hears a voice say. The ringing in his ears and the thoughts rattling around in his head keeps him from recognizing it at first. It's a man's voice, but he's desperate for it to be Eric's. He wants Eric back, he wants him back so badly. He doesn't know how he would react if it was Eric though. Probably bawl like a fucking baby and freak his husband out. Husband. Husband. Brian doesn't have a husband anymore. He's not a husband anymore. He's a fucking widower.

He can't do this.

"Brian!" the voice repeats, accompanied with a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, are you sick? Do you need me to get help?"

Michael. It's Michael's voice. He still wants it to be Eric's voice, almost to the point where he refuses to accept it being anyone else's. However, it means Brian isn't alone. He doesn't know if he wants company or not. He didn't want it this morning. This morning, he wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Now, his mind is a little less fucked up, although Brian still feels like he's about to fall apart at the seams. 

"Hey," Michael murmurs, getting down on his knees to rub Brian's back, "I got us dinner. You want to eat and put on a movie? Just relax for a little bit?"

Brian doesn't know what to say to that. No? He doesn't want it, so that's the right answer. But he doesn't know what he is supposed to do instead. There has to be something else that he's supposed to do-

"I need to go be with Lily," Brian says helplessly. 

"Cynthia and Amanda are with Lily," Michael says, "Call them if you're worried, but just focus on yourself tonight, okay? So you can feel a little better tomorrow." 

Brian doesn't expect to feel any better in a year, let alone in a day. He doesn't have it in him to argue or insist that Michael's wrong - that he should be with Lily now since his life won't be any less fucked tomorrow. But he can't. He isn't sure he even has it in him to talk. Michael must sense that because he's just helping Brian to his feet to walk him over to the bed. 

"Eat," Michael says pointedly, giving him a bag from Panera, "I got a little bit of everything. I don't care what you eat from that bag, just eat _something_."

Brian looks into the bag, "I'm not hungry, Michael."

"Brian, you literally haven't eaten in days," Michael stresses, "I know you are hurting, I can't imagine how badly - I don't even want to try - but you need to stay on top of your shit, at least the basic necessities. You have a little girl in the hospital. She might be waking up soon and-"

Brian turns his head up sharply, "You get more news on her?"

Michael's expression becomes tender, "Not officially, but they say she's continuing to stabilize and that her vitals are looking good. It sounds like they will be pulling her off the sedation meds soon. It's probably up to you if they do it before or after they transfer her."

Brian nods numbly, but then the numbness unexpectedly breaks. He doesn't know why, but he lets out an unexpected whine and quickly hides his face as soon as Michael walks closer.

"Brian, please," Michael says, sitting down next to him, "Talk to me or someone. At least cry or punch a wall. Fuck the deposit."

Brian lets out a few gasping cries before rubbing his face and choking out, "I should call Cynthia. See how Lily is doing."

"...Okay," Michael says sadly, still rubbing Brian's back, "Alright."

The information Cynthia gives him is the same as what Michael relayed. The only new development is that Brian eats a sandwich and some soup from the bag, even if it is only to get Michael to stop staring at him like he is going to drop dead any second.

\---------------------------

They arrange for Eric's body to be transferred to a funeral home in Greenwich Village and for Lily to be transferred to Hassenfeld Children’s Hospital at NYU on 34th Street Thursday morning. Brian rides by Lily's side while Emmett drives his car back to Brooklyn. Brian can't help but feel debilitating guilt for not riding down with Eric too, but he knows Eric would want him with Lily and he knows he couldn't handle riding next to a black bag containing his husband's body. It would make this all more real. 

Lindsey, Mel, and Gus are in their car behind the ambulance and Brian finds himself looking out the back window door to check on them, to make sure they aren't struggling with the icy roads or being run off of it by more domestic terrorists. 

It's the first time Brian has actually thought about who caused his life to fall apart. It's still Brian's fault and Brian can't let himself forget that, but it's their fault too. They hadn't just caused the train to crash and severely hurt a four year old girl. They shot his husband in the back of the head. Eric had been murdered. 

And he is going to have to tell Lily when she wakes up. Whether that be today or tomorrow, Brian doesn't know. He just knows it will be soon. 

He barely survived the last few days. How the fuck is he going to survive that? 

The drive takes several hours but they do arrive at the hospital by 2 pm, where he's told they are hooking her up to an IV drip for pain but not for sedation since they were already weaning her off on Wednesday and didn't have her on it in the ambulance. Lily's new doctor suspects she should start to wake up by this evening and become coherent tomorrow morning. 

Even though Brian is desperate to hear his daughter's voice and see her dark brown eyes again, there is a part of him that wants her to sleep through all of this, sleep until Brian can get through at least some of his shit, until he can figure out a way to tell her that her Papa is never coming back. That it's Brian's faul-

"Dad?"

Brian might not have initially recognized Michael's voice on Tuesday night, but he's gotten more sleep and he's not starving himself anymore so he can actually comprehend shit a little better now. 

"Hmm?" Brian brings himself to respond and Gus takes it as an invitation to sit down in the chair on the other side of the bed.

"I was wondering…" Gus starts, staring at his sister, "I was wondering if I could stay with you this month. Until my break is over, at least."

Brian meets his son's eyes, "Your break doesn't start until a couple of days before Christmas."

Gus shrugs, "My teachers know what's going on. They said I can email them my classwork and do papers instead of finals. If I don't get them all done, they said they would just give me an incomplete and let me have until mid-January to catch up so that they can give me an official grade. I'll be fine."

"That's considerate," Brian says, not knowing what else to say.

Gus nods, eyeing Brian carefully, "So can I? Stay with you? Please?"

Brian takes his time to answer, then lets out a sigh, "Gus, I'm not going to be home very much. I will be here. I'm not sure how long they will keep Lily after she wakes up."

"I don't mind," Gus says, inching closer to the bed, "I'll stay with her too. I want to stay with both of you. Even if there is a day that I don't, I am more than old enough to stay by myself at the house."

Brian doesn't even know what to fucking say. The last few days, anytime Gus was around, Brian felt like he was seconds from getting overly emotional because seeing Gus so upset makes him feel upset and Brian can't get even more upset right now. He can't, because he barely has his head above water and if he sinks any lower, he will fucking drown in the pain and sorrow already threatening to consume him. 

But it would also cause him pain to deny his son, especially with a request to fucking spend more time with him. He had done that once when Gus was 11 and hated himself in that moment. He promised to never do it again. 

But Brian also knows he can't care for Gus in a way that he deserves right now. He probably doesn't have it in him to care for Lily either but he's the only parent she has left. Cynthia is her mother by blood but Lily doesn't know that, not yet. Even though he knows Cynthia would take her if it came down to it, he can't do that to Lily when Brian's her parent. Gus has two loving mothers that he lives with. 

He doesn't know what to fucking do.

"I don't know," Brian says honestly, his voice barely above a whisper, "I'm going to be really busy. I'm not in a place where I can do stuff with you like when you normally visit-"

"I know that," Gus interrupts quickly, but then his voice softens, "I'm not expecting the two of us to go see a show on Broadway or something. I just want to help out and be with you and Lily."

"I…" Brian starts and shuts his eyes, "Gus, you're 15. You shouldn't feel the need to help out with something like this. I don't _want_ you to help. Not because I don't think you can, but because I don't even want to fucking do this -"

Brian's voice breaks and he quickly cuts himself off before he gets Gus uncomfortable or upset. It doesn't seem to work much. Tears fill Gus's eyes and it makes Brian feel even shittier.

"It…" Brian says as soon as he feels somewhat confident he can talk again, "It would be nice to have you here. You know I love it when you're here. It depends on your moms and what they want, I guess."

Gus sniffles, "They said it was your decision but not to bug you too much about it or get upset if you said no."

"...I'm not saying no," Brian eventually says, "But you will probably be happier being with your moms this break. I'm not saying that to persuade you to change your mind but...Fuck, things are going to be rough for a while."

"I know," Gus says, looking down at his feet, "But I would be worrying too much about y-...Lily if I went back up to Toronto after the service. I'm her big brother. She needs me. I want to be here with her."

Gus takes Lily's hand, as if to make a point, and it is probably the only thing since early Saturday morning to slightly amuse him since Lily has had a habit of being the bane of Gus's existence. If the situation weren't less dire and upsetting, Brian might point this out. 

He just doesn't have it in him. 

"I suppose..." Brian says quietly, "I suppose you can stay for your break if you get all of your schoolwork done and turned in when it's originally due. Your teachers might be okay with you turning in your work late, but I would prefer it if you didn't. So if you're going to be doing a lot of sitting around at the hospital or in the house, please try to get it finished. That's what will help me. Obviously, you don't have to focus on school the day of the service…"

Brian trails off and his gaze becomes fixated on the wall behind Gus's head. He doesn't say anything after that and Gus takes the hint. 

\-----------------

It's hard to escape news of Eric's death. It's all over the news. He's not just a name on a list of casualties. He's one of the most successful architects in the world. He might not be a celebrity but his name is known by people even outside of the architectural and art industries. His name is attached to buildings in several major cities and now his name and face are both attached to every major news network. Justin doesn't know who blabbed to the media, but he knows it wasn't any of the family since they are all stressing out about Brian possibly getting upset by how much Eric and Lily are being shown on TV. It's being hashed out in a group text that - for some reason - Brian isn't a part of. No, Justin knows the reason. The reason is because Brian is internalizing everything and barely holding it together, or at least that's what Justin is gathering from the concerned tidbits he's gotten, and the gang needs some sort of outlet to communicate about him. Justin is honestly surprised that he's included though. He doesn't have much to say. He hasn't seen Brian yet. 

But he's seen the reports of Eric and Lily being found near death, the only thing saving Lily being a tourniquet made from a ripped piece of fabric from Eric's shirt. He's seen news anchors hail Eric as a hero who saved his daughter's life before being fucking murdered. He doesn't have to imagine that hard about how Brian is doing.

His phone pings again and as he picks it up, he expects it to be Michael trying to set up a plan to make this go as smoothly as possible for Brian or Emmett inquiring about the pros and cons of having an open casket viewing since that was the one thing Eric never specified on in his will, apparently. But it isn't Michael or Emmett or Ted or Debbie. 

It's Nathan.

**Is it true?**

Fuck. _Fuck_. He never told Nathan.

Nathan and Eric had been friends, even after Justin and Nathan had broken up. Eric had straight up told Justin that while Brian was very much on Justin's side, Eric refused to go one way or another and would continue to reach out to Justin's ex. Justin had appreciated it. He respected Eric for the honesty and care he showed both him and Nathan.

So Justin calls Nathan instead of texting his confirmation because he can at least do that for him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Justin says before Nathan can say a word, "I'm sorry you had to find out from the news or from someone else. I was with Duncan until Wednesday night. Drew and Emmett went to Philadelphia to be with Brian and didn't want Duncan leaving the area or going to school since we didn't know and still don't know what's happening. Molly and Hunter were with me, so it wasn't like I was the only one watching him but I didn't even think about calling anyone since Emmett was making all of the calls."

"...Fuck, Justin."

The words come out strangled and Justin feels incredibly guilty because Eric had been Nathan's friend and had been someone Nathan was beginning to turn to. Justin's romantic relationship with Nathan might be over, but Justin wanted that for him, he wanted it so badly. And Eric had been a good friend to Nathan, a great one. 

"I'm sorry," Justin says again, sniffling, "I know you were close with Eric. I should have called you, I should have fucking called you, but I have barely been able to think. Everyone is so fucking sad and upset and things are a mess. I slept on the couch in our old...in Hunter's and Molly's place because I didn't want to be alone. This is the first time I have actually been in my own apartment. I'm already dying to go back downstairs but I'm trying not to since Hunter and Molly probably want the place to themselves."

"So you're uh…" Nathan starts, "So you're home?"

"Yeah," Justin says, closing his eyes, "It doesn't really feel like home yet but I'm home. How are you-"

The line clicks and is followed by a beep. 

Well, shit. 

Justin's not sure what to make of that. Nathan could sometimes be hard to read when they were still together, but now - especially over the phone - Justin has to scrutinize what headspace Nathan might be in and that's what he continues to do until his buzzer rings. 

Justin doesn't even know if he wants to get up to check to see who it is. He might not want to be alone, but he isn't up for talking either. But he should probably see if the new doorbell monitor system works since he paid for them to work in every apartment in the building, even for the tenants who don't have violent, psychotic stalkers. 

So he gets up, walks over to the door, and clicks the button on the monitor to turn on the camera, only to see Nathan standing there, bundled up in a winter jacket and his shoulders hunched up for the cold. 

It's been months since Nathan entered this building as someone who is more than a friend, but the sight still makes his heart skip a beat. 

"Westley?" Justin says as soon as he intercoms the newly installed front desk, "You can let him in."

Justin watches the monitor closely as Nathan is buzzed in and disappears from view. Soon enough, he can hear Nathan on the stairs before the sound of footsteps approach his door. Nathan only gets one knock in before Justin swings the door open.

"Hey," Justin says, his eyes glued to Nathan, trying to figure out where to go from here. 

Nathan holds his gaze, his own eyes wet and tender. 

"Hey."

They should talk. Comfort each other through their words, not with each other's touch and lips and the feel of bare skin against bare skin like they end up doing instead.

But it's too much. This is easier. It's something to do when there's too much to say yet nothing to be said that will make things any better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily wakes up.

It feels like the biggest rock in the whole wide world is on top of her. Her legs and arms and belly and head hurt. They all hurt. 

Lots of the time, Lily is asleep. She knows that much. She just doesn't know about the times when she _hears_ stuff but doesn't _see_ stuff. She thinks they must be dreams but they are not the same as other dreams. Sometimes she can't move and can't see and she hears beep beep beep beep. Sometimes she hears Aunt Cynthia's voice reading some of Lily's favorite stories, like The Last Stop on Market Street and The Giving Tree. When Aunt Cynthia reads The Giving Tree, her voice sounds all stuffy and wobbly, like she has a cold or she's crying. But that's silly. Lily used to cry when Daddy and Papa read that to her, but they would tell her it was only a story and not real life so that she wouldn't be as sad. Aunt Cynthia has to know that The Giving Tree is not real life, right?

She hears Daddy at first. She's scared because she hears Daddy crying hard and not because of The Giving Tree. When she first hears Daddy, he cries so hard that he doesn't seem like he is gonna stop and Lily wants to cry too because it makes her sad and scared. But she can not cry and she can not ask what is the matter. He must feel better now though. She hasn't heard Daddy cry since. She's barely heard Daddy talk to her at all. Gussy talks more than Daddy does and she hasn't dreamed about Gussy since the time she dreamed he pushed her into a pool and there was a shark in there. She was mad at Gussy for three days, even though Papa said it was only a dream. 

She hasn't heard Papa at all. She wonders if the reason she can't get up is because Papa is the one on top of her, like before, when he had fallen after she got hurt and the train tipped over. That was probably a dream too. Before, Papa had asked her if it was likely if a shark would be in a pool when they live in the ocean - to make her see reasons, he had said. A train falling down didn't seem likely either. So that must be a dream. The worst dream ever. 

She hopes it's a dream.

Lily wants Daddy. She wants Papa even more. She is sick of dreaming.

She wants to wake up now. 

\-----------------

At 8:30 pm, Brian is alone when he feels a jolt go through his body as Lily begins to make mumbling noises, her head moving slightly as if she wants to toss and turn but can't. Brian puts both of his hands on his daughter, not knowing what else to do with them, before reaching up to run his fingers through her messy curls, carefully avoiding the bandage.

He'll need to fix her hair. Ask Gus or Emmett or someone to mix Lily some more spray with the stuff Eric has stored in Lily's bathroom. Eric would be so pissed at Brian if he saw her hair right now. 

"Lily?" Brian gets out hoarsely, "Lily, honey, you awake?"

Lily doesn't answer at first, but does make more noise, as if she's trying to. Brian is suddenly desperate for his daughter to wake up - absolutely desperate - and inches in closer as if she might sense his presence enough to want to. 

Slowly but surely, Lily opens her eyes, no more than a squint. Brian bites back what are probably wails and tries to rein everything in so that he can be present and comforting for his daughter.

"Hi, baby," Brian says, his voice shaky as he strokes her cheeks and tries to smile.

Lily's eyes flick around the room in confusion, before settling on Brian, "Daddy?"

Her voice isn't more of a whisper but it's there, it's fucking there, and it almost breaks Brian completely. But instead of giving into that, he takes her uninjured hand in his and presses several kisses against the back of her palm, "Yes, it's me. It's Daddy."

Lily still stares at him in complete bewilderment before looking around the room again, her neck finally letting her head turn, "Where's Papa?"

Brian's heart seizes in his chest as his breaths come more quickly. Without saying a word about Eric, he reaches over and presses the call button. He should have done that to begin with. The nurses need to know Lily is awake. 

"You got hurt very badly," Brian answers instead, having to force those words out, "You're in the hospital but you're going to get better, okay? The doctors say one hundred percent better now that you're up. I'm going to take care of you and you have...you have a lot of people who love you and will do the same."

The nurse walks in but must have a feeling she should wait. Lily doesn't pay her any attention, not with an introduction or questions about her job. Nothing. Lily just looks at Brian, her eyes a little more open now but still utterly exhausted and confused, "I'm tired, Daddy."

Brian nods, blinking tears out of his eyes, "You...You go back to sleep then. Just rest."

"Papa? He come tuck me in?"

Brian's face crumples and he lets out a hitched breath, "I'm sorry, Lily. Not tonight."

\----------------------------

Brian makes sure Cynthia, Gus, and Amanda are at the hospital the next morning before Lily wakes up. He hates putting any of them through this and he knows it will be a hard thing to witness. But he can't do it alone. He needs backup in case he needs to leave the room and he needs Lily to have support. She's the most important person right now. He can only focus on what she needs. 

"Uh…" Brian starts as soon as the three arrive, "I don't know how she is going to react to this. At all. I don't know whether she will understand. She understands a lot more than a four year old should but I don't know how she will handle this. She knows what death is when it comes to pets because of JR's old hamster and that made an impression on her but not when it comes to…"

Brian trails off and lets out a breath, then doesn't even know what else to say.

"Together, we'll handle it, okay?" Cynthia speaks up, "And she has more people out in the waiting room. George, Diego, Clover, and her grandparents are in there. Mel, Lindsey, Jess, and Emmett are too. Emmett said he would call Drew and have him drive Duncan here to see her if she is up for it. If you need a break, you just say so and we will be there for her. She'll get through this." 

She might, but he won't. That's all Brian can think when they walk into Lily's room. They don't have to wait long. By 8 am, Lily is opening her eyes again and by 9 am, she is awake enough to eat a light breakfast.

"I would like to see Papa now," Lily says after her last bite, studying each person in the room, waiting for one of them to give her what she wants. 

Brian takes a few steadying breaths and takes Lily's hand. Lily looks down at the joined hands sharply before meeting Brian's eyes. 

"Lily," Brian starts quietly then forces his voice to become stronger, "Honey, I don't know how much you remember about getting hurt, but there was a horrible accident on the train ride back. That's why you have casts and bandages on. You were hurt very, very badly. It was serious."

Lily watches him warily and ignores his words, "I wanna see Papa."

Brian nods and sucks in a breath, "I know. I know you do. I want to see him _too_. But while you got very, very hurt, slept for a long time, then woke up...your papa didn't wake up. Papa...Papa died, Lily."

Brian feels his lower lip trembling and sees Gus wiping at his face from the corner of his eye. He expects Lily to do the same, prepares himself to comfort his crying daughter. But that's not what happens. Lily's expression doesn't change before she speaks again.

"You're lyin'," she decides slowly, her eyes not leaving Brian, "You're making a joke. Pranking me like I do Gussy. It's a bad one. It's not funny."

Brian closes his eyes and shakes his head, "Lily, honey, I'm not. I'm not lying to you or joking. I would never joke about something like that, ever."

"You are!" Lily's voice raises, lifting both arms to slam them on the bed with a wince, "Stop it, Daddy! Stop lying to me! It's not funny!"

"I wish I was lying," Brian chokes out, "I know it's upsetting, the last thing I want to do is upset you but you need to know why he isn't here. You know he would be here if you only had a scraped up knee. You know he would be if he could and that's why he's not-"

Brian is cut off by an ear-splitting scream. Lily reaches over with her good arm to grab her breakfast tray and throw it as hard as she can. Amanda steps out of the way and lets it fall to the ground just as Lily breaks down into hysterical sobs.

"I WANT PAPA! I WANT TO SEE PAPA!" Lily heaves out as Brian tries to bring her in for an embrace as much as he can without hurting her or disturbing the remaining wires and tubes. It's the only thing Lily continues to say.

Brian forces himself to wait, to just keep it together until Lily falls back asleep. It doesn't take long. Considering she woke up from being heavily sedated last night and just had the biggest meltdown Brian has ever seen from her, she passes out not even ten minutes into it, her cheek against Brian's shoulder all while still mumbling, "I want Papa…" as her eyes fall shut.

And then Brian waits. Brian just waits and watches his baby's tear stained face and her breathing even out with sleep before taking a risk to say, "Cynthia, I need a break."

He hears Cynthia's shoes tap against the hospital tile as she immediately stands next to him and gingerly takes his place, cradling Lily just as he had seconds before, "Go."

Brian walks down the hall and barely makes it to the bathroom before letting out an anguished and primal howl, bending over from the force of it. By the time someone walks in moments later, Brian's washing his face and walking out the door.

\--------------------------

Lily sleeps well into the afternoon. During that time, Emmett comes to sit with him in the room while Amanda insists on taking Gus shopping for Christmas (Brian thinks Amanda just wants Gus to stop looking so damn upset) and reportedly drags James, Louisa, and George along for the awkward family adventure. He can't be sure if James and Louisa say yes. Brian hasn't really seen them since arriving back in New York. He has no idea what to do or say around them. 

As for Cynthia? She goes out and buys Lily a new iPad. No, correction: an iPad Pro, accompanied with a childproof case. According to her, it is one that has 256 GB as well as cellular and wifi connections. 

"Are you serious?" Brian says, eyebrows raised as he shakes his head incredulously, "We did the campaign on this so don't try to fool me on the price. You shelled out close to thirteen hundred dollars on a four year old?"

"She needs the space so that she has plenty of movies and books to choose from while she's here. I got Gus one too," Cynthia says, handing Brian a box donning an apple logo, then hands one to Emmett, "JR as well. It's only fair. And Duncan."

"That's so sweet and unnecessary of you," Emmett says, cooing out the words before a more serious expression falls on his face, "But we are thinking of taking away Duncan's tablet for a while."

To Brian's surprise, Cynthia almost pouts but hands the box over to Emmett regardless, "Well, think differently. I want him to have this. He's a good friend to Lily. I'm going to go get some food across the street. Don't try to talk me out of that too."

Brian watches Cynthia walk out of the room before turning to Emmett. Despite having not much interest in anything the last few days, Duncan getting his tablet taken ignites some within him a little, "What did he do with it?"

Emmett sighs, "Nothing terrible. But he knows how to get past the parental controls and the time limits for one thing. I don't think he knows the password. He just knows how to cheat it by resetting it and getting some of the apps to open."

"Smart little fucker," Brian actually laughs.

"Well…" Emmett starts, then strangely glances at Lily, "Okay, look, I don't want to rat your daughter out on a day like today but both she and Duncan have a third party messenger app that they text and video chat on when we're not looking."

Brian lets that particular piece of news sink in. Maybe it's because Brian's life has literally been destroyed and left in shambles and that puts things in perspective or maybe he's glad his child is still alive and will be able to continue to pull one over on Brian here and there like she apparently did with this app, but he just can't find it in him to be all that mad. 

"What do their texts look like?" Brian decides to ask, "I'm truly curious."

Emmett huffs, "Some of it is gibberish, but I think they use talk to text for a lot of it. Whether they can always read it or not, I don't know."

"Lily apparently has the reading level of a second grader, but her writing level is around first grade," Brian shrugs, watching his daughter, "I am sure she can read it fine."

"Duncan actually tested at a first grade level last Friday," Emmett says proudly, "The teachers were testing to check the childrens' progress and see if they were on track for kindergarten. He's about the same in Math."

Brian nods, "Well, this is your fault then, our genius children teaming up, hacking into tablets, and gossiping behind our backs. You chose to be Duncan's dad. I didn't get to choose Lily. She was just born and Eric and I got stuck with her..."

And suddenly, the lightness of the conversation stops and Brian can only think of the day Lily was born. Brian had fallen for Lily when he first held her, but he had fallen for Eric even more when he saw Lily in the man's arms.

_Brian watches Eric closely as he holds their new baby in his arms. Eric's bright, nervous, happy eyes meet Brian's own before he says, "She looks like me, right? I think she looks like me."_

_Brian looks down at the baby, then scoffs, "You're seriously asking that question? You just want validation on your strong ass genes."_

_Eric rolls his eyes before staring down at Lily lovingly, "She has my hair, my skin tone, I think she will have my face shape too. She's beautiful. She is going to be absolutely beautiful. Smart too, I just know it."_

_Brian watches the both of them, his heart aching as he can't help but smile at Eric's adoring expression, "Yeah, she really will be."_

"Oh, honey…"

Brian snaps out of the memory and feels that his face is wet with tears. Emmett is softly rubbing his back so Brian quickly scrubs at his face beneath the glasses Gus insisted he put on so he wouldn't squint at the chart. Now they're fucking in the way, but he doesn't want to take them off because Eric had been the one to pick them out. 

"I'm sorry," Brian chokes out, sniffling as he pulls himself back together, "It was stupid. I was just thinking of something stupid. Sorry."

"I'm sure it wasn't stupid," Emmett murmurs, reaching up to rub the back of his neck, "...Brian, sweetie, you know we aren't going to judge you if you-"

"You should have Duncan come see Lily," Brian interrupts in an attempt to change the subject, "This evening, if she wakes up and takes what I told her a little better. I think it would cheer her up. They could watch a movie or something. I'll uh...I'll go down the street and get them some popcorn from the movie theater. Lily...Lily probably can't eat much of it since she just came off the drip yesterday but I can get her a smoothie."

Brian feels Emmett watching him closely and he braces himself for Emmett to continue trying to comfort him. But Emmett just sighs and nods, "Okay, baby. I'll call Drew and see if he can get Duncan ready now to beat the traffic. I can meet them for a late lunch and I will bring them over here. I'm sure Duncan will be excited to see her." 

\-------------------------------------

Emmett meets Drew at the curb before getting into the SUV. He immediately sees his son's face watching out the window intently, as if he knows Lily is in the building behind Emmett and asks as much as soon as Emmett sits down and greets Drew with a quick kiss.

"Lily in there?" Duncan asks, still peering outside.

"Yes, honey," Emmett confirms, "She's inside."

"We going in now?"

"Soon," Drew says, "We are going to find a place to park the car, then go find a good place to eat. Sound good?"

Through the mirror, Emmett can see Duncan shrug his shoulders, "I want to see Lily now. Can we get takeout? We can bring Lily back lunch!"

"She's asleep right now, sweetie," Emmett tells him.

" _Again?_ " Duncan asks incredulously.

"She's still going to be tired, bud," Drew says, turning onto the next street, "She has a lot of healing to do and she still has some of those meds in her body. But hopefully by the time we are done eating, she will be up for seeing us. Maybe we can find her a nice gift to bring to her room."

"Flowers!" Duncan exclaims, "And a bear."

"Flowers and a bear it is," Emmett smiles. 

They park the car and find a health food restaurant not far from the hospital where they can build their own salad and sit down. Duncan's willingness to eat close to anything is one of the many reasons raising him is mostly hassle free. Keeping him fed is a little harder than filling up Lily, but he's usually open about what he tries and appreciates whatever food is put in front of him, as long as it's good. 

"That's a good salad you made there," the man behind the counter says to Duncan as soon as they check out.

"But you made it," Duncan answers, confused, before grabbing the plastic bowl filled with spinach, vegetables, chicken, and sunflower seeds, then looks up at the man with his soulful brown eyes, "Don't sell yourself short." 

Emmett gives his son a double take, as do Drew and the salad extraordinaire. Emmett has no idea where Duncan heard that phrase but he's not too surprised Duncan said it. That's his baby, lifting up people's spirits and hyping them up. He can't blame Brian for wanting Duncan here. If anyone can get Lily to feel a little better, it's Duncan.

Emmett tries to slow Duncan down, even by caving and having him help set up the new iPad. It's a choice that's probably just flat out stupid, to have Duncan watch him set up the initial controls, but if it gets him to stop gobbling down his food in hopes that he will see Lily sooner, then whatever. They keep him distracted with that, barely, along with adding new games and uploading Duncan's library to the Kindle app. But soon, after Duncan's finished with his salad and juice, he's standing up and showing that he's ready to go by saying, "I can play with this later. Come on! Let's go find flowers and a bear! It's for Lily! We have to!"

And how can Emmett say "just wait" to a loving and selfless proposal like that?

\----------------------

Duncan walks through the big hopsickal doors, standing between Daddy and Pa as he carries the flowers. He had wanted to carry both the flowers and the stuffed animal but he wanted Lily to have the biggest one. It's a BIG one too. It's not a bear, but it's an elephant and elephants are Lily's favorite. It's so big that Pa has to carry it!

They go up the elevator to Lily's floor and Duncan's whole body is feeling shaky because he's excited since Lily is his girlfriend and he hasn't seen her for a long time. Daddy says he needs to be calm and easy with Lily and to not be confused or hurt if Lily seems like she's acting different. Duncan had just nodded but he wanted to get what his Daddy calls sassy. Of COURSE Lily is going to be different. She's going to be sad and really sad because Eric died and Eric is Lily's papa. When Pa told him Lily's papa died, Duncan got sad too and cried because Eric is one of the bestest people Duncan knows, behind Lily, Pa, and Daddy. Pa tried to tell Duncan what death is but Duncan knows what that means. Duncan knows because he got sad when Baba died. Duncan doesn't remember much about Baba and he didn't know what happened to Baba until Duncan watched The Lion King again before Halloween and Mufasa died. Duncan remembers the bad man came in and had what Duncan now knows is a gun and it went bang bang! Baba fell and Duncan cried because the noise was loud. The bad man told Duncan he was sorry, took stuff, and left. Duncan remembers crawling to Baba and pushing at Baba and Baba didn't wake up, just like Mufasa not didn't wake up when Simba tried to do the same thing.

But Duncan doesn't like to think about that, not at all. Duncan has Daddy and Pa now and he remembers Daddy and Pa a lot better than Baba. Duncan used to remember more about Baba but now that's one of the only things he remembers about him. It's why he has bad dreams. Duncan wishes he could forget Baba because of that, even though he remembers loving Baba like he loves Daddy and Pa.

Like Lily loves her daddy and papa. And now Lily's papa died and she is very, very sad. 

When Daddy opens Lily's hopsickal room door, Duncan sees Brian doing Lily's hair. Duncan knows that Lily said keeping her hair pretty is 'portant because her hair can be hard to keep nice sometimes. Duncan thinks her hair always looks nice but Lily says that's because she and her daddy and papa work really hard at it. Brian is braiding Lily's hair and it keeps her hair away from her face. Duncan doesn't think Lily has seen them yet because Lily's face isn't smiling and she isn't talking or saying hi. She's just staring at her iPad but Duncan doesn't think she is watching the movie on there. 

Brian ties Lily's hair at the bottom, kisses the top of her head then says, "There's someone here to see you."

Lily turns her head towards them in a way that makes her look tired and even sadder before her eyes land on Duncan. Lily's gaze locks on him before her shoulders slouch and she looks down.

"Hi, Duncan," Lily mumbles out, still staring down at her blanket and Duncan _hates_ it. He hates Lily sounding tired and sad even though he knows why she's both. He wants Lily to be happy like she almost always is. Lily _is_ different. It makes Duncan sadder than before and it makes him sad to see her hurt. It's Duncan's job to make Lily feel better, even if it is only for a little bit, because Lily is his girlfriend.

"I missed you, Lily," Duncan says to her, walking in quickly to put the flowers in her lap, "I got you flowers. An elephant too, because they are your favorite." 

Lily doesn't squeal or clap her hands or say they are the most beautiful flowers in the world like she did last time. Lily just nods silently, her expression not changing as she quietly says, "Thank you."

Duncan watches Lily for a moment, then takes the flowers off her lap before looking up at Brian. Brian looks even sadder than Lily does and THAT'S saying something. But Duncan 'poses that makes sense. Duncan has a feeling his daddy would be really sad if his pa died and his pa would be really sad if his daddy died. But Duncan doesn't like to think of any of that. Hates it, actually. 

"These need water," Duncan tells Brian, holding the flowers up for Brian to take, "Can you find some?"

Brian stares at the flowers for a long time, then clears his throat, "Yeah, in a minute. Why don't you both pick out a movie? I'll move the chair closer to the bed so that-"

"Duncan can sit on the bed with me."

The words come from Lily and both he and Brian turn their heads to look at her.

"On this side," Lily says, moving her less hurt side. 

Brian lets out a sigh, "I don't know. You're hurt and -"

"He'll be careful," Lily interrupts quietly, "Duncan won't hurt me. He never would."

"Never," Duncan agrees solemnly.

Brian looks at the two of them, purses his lips, then helps Duncan get out of his coat, hat, and gloves, and onto the bed, lifting him up and situating him just enough so that he can be next to Lily and they can both be comfortable. Lily puts her iPad in between the both of them and scrolls through lots and lots of movies, even a few that are still in some movie theaters and one that isn't even there yet! Duncan doesn't know Lily got Kung Fu Panda 3 on her iPad but Duncan is surprised. Lily is really good at lots of things, but Duncan has always been better at tablet stuff. He's the one who made it so they can talk on them and get past the timer. 

"Which one you wanna watch?" Lily asks, still scrolling, "Aunt Cynthia put on lots for me."

Duncan shrugs, like he doesn't care. It's sort of a lie, since he really does want to watch Kung Fu Panda 3 but he wants Lily to watch what she wants to watch more, "You pick. I don't care."

Lily shrugs too, like she doesn't care either and she must not because she puts on Snow White and Lily doesn't like Snow White. She says she's boring but Duncan likes her okay, even though she's not his favorite either. 

Brian walks over to look at the movie, then glances down at the two of them "I'm going to go and get you guys popcorn from the movie theater. Lily, Emmett is going down to get you a smoothie and some soup from Hello Bistro, okay?"

Duncan manages to control his excitement at the word 'popcorn' and keeps it to nodding his head enthusiastically. Lily doesn't get excited at all. 

"Get water too, please!" Duncan says as Daddy and Brian start to walk out, pointing at the flowers on the nightstand, "For the flowers!"

Pa puts the elephant on the chair next to the bed, then goes and sits on the couch by the window. He ends up keeping to himself so much that Duncan honestly forgets that he's there. Duncan is so focused on Lily that it's like she's the only one in the room. The room itself is quiet. Really quiet. Lily isn't laughing or singing with the movie (which Duncan can usually expect even when Lily doesn't like the movie much). She isn't ignoring the movie to talk to him instead, which Duncan wouldn't mind either. She's just sitting there, watching the movie but not really. It makes Duncan sad. It makes Duncan want-

"Do you know about what happened to my papa, Duncan?"

The words come out of Lily quietly and sadly, as if she doesn't want to say them. Duncan nods his head and bites his lip.

"I know," Duncan says back, "Pa told me. It makes me very sad."

Duncan watches Lily as her face screws up and her eyes get all wet, "It makes me very sad too!"

Lily covers her face and cries into her not hurt hand. Out of the corner of his eye, Duncan sees Pa stand up to help but Duncan signs 'wait' to him because Molly taught him how. Pa must not know sign language like Molly does because he doesn't wait, just looks at him strangely, so Duncan says, "I handle it, Pa. Wait, please."

Pa gives him another strange look but waits.

"It's okay to be sad, Lily," Duncan says and Duncan knows that's true because Molly says that all feelings were okay to feel.

"It's not o-okay!" Lily hiccups out, "I won't see my papa e-ever again because that's what happens when someone dies! You never see them! I told D-Daddy that I d-didn't even get to say g-goodbye and that it wasn't fair for Papa to die if people c-couldn't say bye to him because Papa has a lot of friends and he has Daddy and me and my baby sister! Daddy said there's something they do call futurals to help people say bye and I asked when that was and he said Sunday, but I can't go because I am stuck in here! He said maybe they can do a morial service later if I need that and I don't even know what that _means_! But I can't go to the futural and that makes me very sad too! It's not fair! It's not-"

Lily breaks down into sobs and cries even harder and Duncan's heart is feeling thumpy and scared because he's never seen Lily this sad. Ever. Not even when her favorite pair of sandals broke! But you can get new sandals. You can't get a new Eric.

"I stay with you on Sunday, Lily," Duncan says, inching closer, "All day. I miss the futural too. Promise."

Lily sniffles and takes her hand off her face, "You can't promise. Papa promised we could have my Aunt Amanda, Uncle Diego, Julian, Carlos, Uncle George, Clover, Grandpa, Bisabuela, and maybe even Abuela if she want to come for Christmas this time so we can be a big, happy family and now Papa won't even be here."

Duncan stares at Lily, hard, "I will make a plan. I know how to get here! I get on the PATH and the M34 bus, even if I got to come by myself! And I know that's right because I looked at a map when Pa told me you came to this hopsickal! I checked!"

He can hear his Pa make a noise, as if he's surprised, but Duncan can't focus on Pa when Lily needs him more. But before Duncan can do any more 'vincing, Pa gets over it and speaks up.

"We'll drop Duncan off so that he can stay with you," Pa says softly, "Find someone you like to watch you both. We'll make it happen." 

Lily looks at both Duncan and Pa, still looking sad but then less sad than before. 

"...Okay," Lily agrees, still sniffling, "Maybe...Maybe Daddy can put episodes of Sous Chef on my iPad. So that we can watch me and Papa together."

"Okay," Duncan says.

"That...That might make you really sad right now, Lily," Pa says, "It might make your daddy really sad too."

Lily lets out a soft cry, "I just wanna see Papa…" 

Duncan doesn't know what else to say to make Lily feel better. He wants her to feel better, but he's starting to feel like she might not any time soon. She lets her head fall on Duncan's shoulder, like she wants to be hugged. Duncan knows he's done that to Daddy and Pa when he wants hugged so he hugs Lily because hugs can help you feel better. Safer. And that's how they stay, even when Daddy and Brian come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin prepares himself for the rest of the weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing two new OCs this chapter. One was introduced in LAX <==> PIT, while the other one is mentioned thus far.

Justin wakes up at 7 am, despite his alarm being set for 7:30. He glances over next to him and sees Nathan sleeping away. He had come over Thursday afternoon. It's Saturday morning now. Nathan wore his clothes yesterday but right now they are both wearing nothing.

Justin can't even begin to process his feelings about the situation. He doesn't think Nathan has either. All Justin knows is that it feels good and that it's nice to have someone familiar in his bed than the one offs he's had more recently. He's not going to get his hopes up. He can't, not when Nathan still doesn't want any kids. As far as Justin knows, Nathan hasn't changed his mind on that and it's too late for Justin to change his.

But despite that, he's glad to have someone here. He doesn't like being alone, not when he's this sad. He hates the thought as soon as it pops into his head because Brian _is_ alone now. He probably has friends surrounding him. Lily is awake and Gus seems to be wanting to stick close. But Brian doesn't have Eric anymore and Brian also has to be a hell of a lot sadder than Justin is.

He needs to get up. Do something productive. Today, he actually has to. Mason and Ezra are moving in this morning. It's probably the shittiest weekend for them to move in, with a funeral happening tomorrow. It's not like Justin - or Molly and Hunter, for that matter - are going to be up for much fun to celebrate their move into the city or whatever. Justin is dreading tomorrow. He's dreading seeing a body if they show it, he's dreading seeing everyone so fucking heartbroken, he's dreading seeing Brian. He hasn't even called him or gone to the hospital to see Lily. He almost sent a text saying, "I am so fucking sorry" but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Brian doesn't like being told sorry. And even though Justin feels so fucking sorry and so fucking guilty, how does he begin to express that, assuming Brian even wants to hear from him again?

Justin barely even knows how to get out of bed, let alone talk to someone who just had their life and heart shattered into pieces. Luckily, he doesn't have to think too long on it before Nathan turns over and opens his eyes.

"I need to get up," Justin says softly, reaching over to run his fingers through his ex's hair, "Mason and his boyfriend are moving into the apartment across from Molly's and Hunter's. They should be here in an hour or so."

Nathan squints, "Mason as in your brother?"

"I'm surprised you even know who I'm talking about."

"Molly's mentioned him several times," Nathan says, "Craig has too. Figured it was probably a touchy subject with you since you only told me that your dad got remarried and took in his wife's kid then left it at that."

"Yeah, well…" Justin starts as he sits up, "I figured I should make an effort. Considering Molly's living here and he's been a brother to her. He _is_ her brother. Mine too, I guess. Considering he has a work study in New York. Considering…"

"He's gay?"

Justin shrugs, "I don't know. I haven't asked. Molly said he told her that he was never attracted to any guys, only girls, but then he got close with Ezra and caught feelings. So maybe he's bi or he seriously repressed some shit. Mason is afraid of how Dad's going to react so he doesn't know yet."

Nathan is quiet for a moment, then clears his throat, "I don't think Craig will get that upset about it."

Justin lets out a breath, "Nathan...Look, I know you bonded with my dad - still totally weird, by the way - but you weren't around when he found out about me and how he continued hating everything about it. Me coming out and his hatred over it tore apart our family and I am sure Mason witnessed some of the feelings my dad used to have about me, despite the fact the kid didn't know me at all. It made an impression."

"I can understand that," Nathan gives him, sitting up too, "And I am not saying Craig is going to be waving a bi pride flag whenever Mason does come out to him. But I don't think he will be mad at Mason. He might be really confused that both of his sons are into men but I'm more concerned that he is going to feel really guilty for Mason being so scared to tell him. It could cause Craig to have a setback."

"Something else to worry about," Justin sighs, "Great."

Nathan frowns, "I didn't mean to get you more stressed."

"No, I actually appreciate it. Gives me something else to focus on," Justin says honestly before he tries and fails to meet Nathan's eyes, "You're uh...You're welcome to stay. For as long as you want. But I have to make sure they get settled in and will probably end up helping them move things up stairs. Probably should offer to take them out to lunch or dinner or something, since tomorrow…"

Justin trails off and Nathan's eyes soften before he picks up Justin's hand and holds it between his own, "If you really want me here, I will stay. But...But it will probably be really awkward and hard for you to explain what we've been doing the last two days once anyone sees me. I don't even think we can explain it to ourselves."

Justin nods, glancing away to blink the stupid moisture out of his eyes so that Nathan doesn't see it. Whether he succeeds or not, Nathan doesn't give him a hint either way. He just takes his hand and leads Justin to the shower.

\-------------------------

Molly doesn't _mean_ to be a nosy bitch. But she hasn't seen her brother in two days now. So excuse her for getting concerned for Justin's emotional well-being. It isn't like the man was in the best mood when he left their apartment.

She and Hunter take Archimedes on a walk to get him to burn off a little energy and relieve his bladder first. Honestly, Hunter picked a ridiculously good puppy. He's only had one accident in the apartment so far and that had been in the middle of the night when both she and Hunter had been asleep. It had been right by the door too, giving her the impression that Archimedes tried to do the right thing by wanting to go outside. Maybe their timing has been good but they haven't had problems with that or any destructive behaviors. Any that Archimedes does have seems to be directed towards his toys and not the furniture, their shoes, or Katniss. She's not sure how Hunter plans on turning their happy, sweet, well behaved, brindle coated puppy into a Seth-killing machine, but she will humor him and let him think that he can for now.

When they return to the apartment and unleash Archimedes, Hunter offers to make breakfast. While they are both good cooks, Hunter is just slightly better. She's not sure if that's because he is a few years older thus wiser on culinary matters or if it's because Michael and Ben introduced him to a wide range of cuisines due to their own differing taste buds or if it's because Hunter almost always had to cook for himself as a child. But when Hunter offers to put food on the table, she always accepts it.

"I'll make enough for Mason and Ezra to have when they get here. Justin too," Hunter says, opening up the fridge, before glancing over to her, "If you want to go let him know. Check on him like you've been wanting to since yesterday."

"It's weird, right?" Molly says, because she feels like her concerns are valid, "He stayed the night on Wednesday and then sequestered himself away in his place ever since. We haven't seen him once. He's barely answered his texts."

Hunter shrugs as he puts the eggs, peppers, onions, zucchini, tomatoes, and cheese on the counter, "Your brother gets in moods and hyperfocuses on his art. He might have gone up to the loft to work on some stuff."

"Maybe," Molly says dubiously. She just feels like there's something off with the idea. So to give herself some reassurance on her brother's welfare and make sure that Hunter was right about everything and she's just being stupid, she takes the stairs up to the fifth floor and lifts her hand to knock on the door, only for it to swing open.

But it isn't Justin who is standing there.

"Nathan?" Molly asks, lowering her fist, "What are you…"

Molly trails off and sees that Nathan's hair is damp. An unassuming Justin comes into view behind him and freezes at the sight of her, hair also damp.

Oh. _Oh_.

"You don't have to answer," Molly says, trying to wave off the situation, "I've really missed you."

Nathan accepts her hug and returns it, his arms wrapping around her waist, "Yeah, I've missed you too. You and Hunter settled in?"

"Yep," Molly confirms, stepping back, "He's making breakfast for all of us. It's why I came up. To see if Justin wanted any. You are welcome to stay and have some too."

She knows it's going to be a no as soon as she says it, with the look of hesitation and slight discomfort in Nathan's eyes appearing as soon as she says it. Nathan rubs the back of his neck, glances back at Justin, then shakes his head.

"I need to go check in with Petra," he says, and to his credit, it does sound honest, "But since you are living in Brooklyn now and my schedule isn't as screwed up, maybe we can go out and do something."

"Yeah, of course," Molly agrees, stepping to the side to let Nathan out into the hall, "But you have to meet my puppy before you go. My cat too, if she doesn't hide."

Nathan does agree to her terms and awkwardly says hi to Hunter once the two of them are inside. Any discomfort about being in his old apartment seems to dissolve when Archimedes approaches Nathan happily, demanding to be pet. And to Katniss's credit, she doesn't hide from Nathan either and even comes up to him.

Katniss may feel forward enough to come out of hiding, but Molly has a feeling Justin probably won't feel the same since he didn't even follow them down. So Molly takes it upon herself to walk Nathan down the street to his subway stop, Hunter only getting slightly weird about the idea of her walking back alone.

"It's just a few blocks away," she says in a low voice when he makes her wait so that he can go get her cell phone from the bedroom and a _taser_.

"Seriously?" Molly says once it is in her hand, zapping the air only to feel a little guilty about it when Archimedes barks at the sound, "I don't think this is nec-"

"After what happened to you? To Eric? It is," Hunter dismisses, then walks back towards the kitchen. She lets it go and just puts the taser in her jacket pocket.

"So…" Nathan starts as soon as they're outside, "What happened? To you, I mean. I know about Eric."

The words come out pained and Molly feels a pang of empathy for Nathan. It might not be the same level of loss that some of Eric's friends and family are feeling, but Eric had made an effort with Nathan and reached out to become his friend. And at least from what Molly has gathered, his losses had been significant and had included both of his parents by the time he was 16. She remembers going out with Nathan and Petra, back when Justin was getting work done. Nathan had gotten drunk and told her that much and that he missed his mom. When Molly asked about his dad, Nathan said he couldn't find it in him to miss the man who tortured him but then wouldn't go any further on the matter.

Eric had been someone worth missing. He had been kind and seemed to be down to be anyone's friend and he had been a good one to Nathan.

"I'm really sorry about Eric," Molly says, taking the focus off of her, "I know you were good friends with him."

"Yeah," Nathan says, swallowing past a lump in his throat, "I feel like I should get Lily something. Not that anything will make her feel any better."

"Seeing you might make her feel a little better," Molly says softly, "Justin said she had a crush on you. That she thought you were the best."

"She is usually excited to see me. Can't complete with Duncan though," Nathan says, smiling slightly before his expression straightens out, "So back to you-"

"It was Seth," Molly says, trying to get it over with.

Nathan frowns, "He calling you again?"

Molly shakes her head and just tries to be methodical about it, "He hasn't called me since he broke into Jerome's and Rubina's house. I was spending the night and he came into the guest room, cut off some of my hair, then got on top of me when I woke up. He held the scissors to my neck and I managed to throw him off of me. Probably a risky move but I would have rather bled out than go through what he wanted to do. Anyway, I tried to run and we fought. I bashed the lamp over his head. Just pissed him off more so he punched me in the face and took me to the ground. He cut open my top, cut my neck, like he was warning me, then Rubina jumped on his back and...Hey, are you okay?"

When Molly turns to look over at Nathan, he's staring straight ahead and the color has drained from his face. It takes him a moment to answer and Molly gives it to him because this is not the first time she's seen Nathan look like this. She doesn't know what happened to him and when she asked Justin about a year and a half ago, he told her it was too awful to talk about and that he promised not to anyway.

"Hey," she says more gently, reaching up to touch his arm, "Do you wanna talk? About anything? I don't mind ditching my brothers for a while. You're still my friend. I'll take the train with you."

Nathan shakes his head and eventually lets out a breath, "No...I uh…I'm fine. Fuck Seth. Is he finally in jail?"

"No," Molly says softly, "He ran off when he heard 911 on the phone."

"That makes sense," Nathan says, still looking almost sick, "With the cameras and doorman and everything Justin put in."

"It's almost off-putting, right?" Molly asks as they turn the corner, "I told Justin he is going to go broke. Some tenants might appreciate it, but a lot of people who might have applied before won't now because they don't want that kind of security since it can invade their own privacy. The background checks he's planning for the applicants none of us know are ridiculously extensive. He's going to scare everyone off."

"I don't think he cares that much about filling them up," Nathan says quietly, "His small paintings sell for at least $15,000 and those are usually private sales. The bigger ones vary, but I have seen him charge people he really can't stand close to a million. When his work is auctioned off for a first time sale, he makes millions per painting."

"He made 30 million on that one big painting last year that was auctioned off. Thirty fucking million dollars," Molly says before glancing at him, "The one of you. Can't blame whoever bought it. You _are_ hot."

Nathan scoffs, "I thought I was going to pass out when I heard that. I almost did when Justin tried to give me half the money. I mean, you can't completely tell it's me but people who know me know who it is. But I'm not the only boyfriend who Justin Taylor has painted. A painting of Brian that Justin did early on came back into circulation almost a month ago. Sold for 15 million. I mean, Justin only made five percent since it was a resale - he was lucky to get that - but still. It wasn't as big as either of ours but it sold for a lot because it was an early piece. And Brian was naked in it."

Molly has to force herself not to comment on the fact that Nathan is keeping up with Justin's career enough to know that, just like she had to force herself not to say anything about the fact Nathan had been shacking up in his ex's apartment.

"He tries to give me money too," Molly says instead, scowling, "Hunter is bad enough about that with wanting me to have a debit card to one of his accounts. He's not even a millionaire. Yet. He's getting there with the projects he's getting and I don't know how I feel about it. All I know is that rich people are assholes and Justin is the richest person I know so he's also the biggest asshole I know. He was supposed to be a starving artist, what the fuck."

Nathan actually manages to let out a laugh, "Yeah, I remember you snapping at him when he offered to give you half of what he made for the painting of you. You didn't talk to him for a week for thinking of you as a charity case."

"I don't want someone just handing me four million dollars they make off of their work just because they feel sorry for me," Molly shrugs, but then smiles, "The whole thing is sort of funny though. Mom got all weird and was like, 'You made art that had my daughter in it and didn't give it to me?' Justin had to re-create his high selling work for nothing just to keep her satisfied, then made her promise not to post a picture of it anywhere because it could piss the buyer of the original off. I'm sure it will cause controversy after our lineage dies out when Justin's last descendant croaks and their storage unit is auctioned off centuries from now."

Molly and Nathan make their way down the steps to the station and Nathan goes to the metrocard machine, buys a new weekly pass, then turns around to face her, "...You know he doesn't feel sorry for you, right? He loves you. A lot. You could see it in that painting how much he loves you. That's why he painted it in the first place and that's why he protected the building to the extent that he did."

"...He loves you too," Molly says in hesitation, "He has a painting of you - or at least inspired by you - that he refuses to sell. He painted it after you guys broke up. He kept it because he loves you. And I'm guessing he asked you to stay at his place the last night or two because he loves you."

Nathan breathes out through his nose and looks away, "...It's complicated, Molly. We just made it a lot more complicated than it already was. I love him too, I always will. Fuck, I will probably care about his kids. Love them, even. But I can't...I can't do all of that. The family stuff. I'm not...I'm not meant for that."

"That's okay," Molly shrugs, "Not everyone has to have or want kids. I get it."

"Right," Nathan agrees, then meets her eyes again, "So I'll see you tomorrow? Are you going to the funeral?"

Molly shakes her head, "Hunter and Justin are. Drew called last night and asked if I'd be willing to stay with Duncan and Lily at the hospital during the visitation and the service, plus the dinner afterwards. I'll be there all day."

"That's not that common, is it?" Nathan asks, "To cram everything into one day? The funerals I've been to usually have the visitation the day before."

Molly shrugs, "Maybe Brian wanted to just get everything over with at once. One day of awfulness so that he can start working everything out in his head. Or maybe he didn't want to leave Lily more days than he had to. I don't know."

"Can you…" Nathan starts, rubbing the back of his neck, "Can you tell her that I said hi? Let her know I'm thinking about her? I was only a few years older when I lost my mom so…"

Nathan trails off then must decide not to finish the sentence because all he does is give her one last hug and go through the revolving gate.

She makes her way through the station and up the steps before finding herself street level once more. She gets catcalled a few times, which isn't out of the norm elsewhere. It's an everyday occurrence in New York so she is forcing herself to get used to that. It's nothing to _tase_ anyone over and she's starting to hate that Hunter gave it to her because having it means thinking of scenarios where she might have to use it and-"

"Hey, sweetheart, you want a ride?"

Molly's hand immediately goes into her pocket at the abnormally deep voice as a van slows down to a stop next to her. She jumps back to stand her ground, only to roll her eyes once she sees who it is.

"We've arrived, bitch!" Ezra says from the driver's seat in his normal voice, jumping out of the van - other cars on the road be damned - to give her a huge hug, "Why's your hand in your pocket? You got something there or are you trying to hide how happy you are to see me?"

"I would never hide something like that," Molly says, smiling slightly, "I was just about to tase you, no big deal."

Ezra gives her a softer glance, like he knows - of course he knows. Maybe not everything since she hasn't told Mason everything yet. Mason is usually one to keep his mouth shut but for some reason, Ezra can get Mason talking like it's nothing. So whatever Mason knows, Ezra likely knows.

"Can you wait for the exchange of pleasantries for when we actually get to the building?" Mason asks, leaning over from the passenger seat, then squints at Molly, "Hey, did you get a haircut? You haven't had it that short since we were kids."

Yeah, she's going to hold off on telling Mason.

"Come on! We'll drive you the last couple of blocks," Ezra insists, leading her to the open van door and letting her in first so that she's squished between them. The short ride starts out with a side hug from Mason and leads into excited chatter from Ezra, all while Mason sneaks fond and adoring glances at his boyfriend, probably thinking he's being subtle.

It's sweet. It's nice to watch a couple excited about a big move and a big step in their relationship. Ezra and Mason may have already been living together, but that house had been technically rented out by Craig Taylor. Molly won't lie, part of her loves the sense of irony brought on by her father paying for Mason's and Ezra's love cottage out in the middle of the woods, despite her dad's change of heart. However, this is closer to real life and a more serious step. Ezra has graduated - a little later than his peers at close to 24 years old. Molly only knows Ezra's birthday is December 24th because Mason had texted her _two months ago_ to ask what she thought he should get him. But Molly gets it. Ezra deserves a good, well thought out gift. Part of the reason he had graduated late was because he had taken a gap year after graduating high school to stay on the Pine Ridge Native American Reservation, which his dad's side of the family is from, so that he could care for his mentally and physically ill alcoholic uncle. He apparently had a couple of significant losses as well, which delayed his start. While in college, he couldn't take as many credits as the other people in his class could since he needed to work to support himself, yet still often got leading roles in the plays and student films he worked on anyway because that's how talented he is. Molly had witnessed that for herself when she and Hunter saw him in a play back in July. Ezra may act peppy and youthful and fun, but from Molly's understanding, the dude has already seen some shit.

As for Mason? He is basically finished with college too, only needing one last internship before he gets his Bachelor's. He's probably not as emotionally mature as Ezra but he's getting there because of him. Despite being afraid of what their dad is going to say or do, Mason is young and is more in love than Molly has ever seen him. He might only be 21, but Ezra is quite possibly it for him. He looks at him the way Molly finds herself looking at Hunter. She was in the same position as they were recently. Happy, in love, and excited to be moving to New York with the man of her dreams (she's never fucking telling Hunter she thought of him in those terms, but it's true).

And now she's going to have to put a damper on it.

"Wait," Molly says as Ezra finishes parallel parking the moving van (she's impressed, Mason really did pick a good guy to go bi for), "Before we go in and get started on everything, you should uh...You should know something."

"What happened?" Mason asks, his expression already grim, "Is it Dad?"

"No," Molly says quickly to bring down Mason's nerves, "As far as I know, Dad's fine. I just wanted to let you know that someone who was important to Justin and Hunter died on Tuesday. I knew him and he was a really good person. He died in the train derailment in Philadelphia-"

"Eric Davisson?" Mason interrupts, leaving Molly surprised until he continues, "Big shot architect? His name is all over the news."

"That was a lucky guess," Molly gives him.

"Not really a guess," Mason corrects, "Brian Kinney's name was all over the news too. That was his husband, right?"

"Right," Molly answers and Mason nods.

"Kind of hard to forget Brian's name," Mason tells her, "His name was thrown around in my marketing classes on a regular basis and it was banned from Dad's house growing up. What happened to him fucking sucks."

" 'Fucking sucks'. God, why am I in love with an ex-frat boy?" Ezra groans.

"Technically, I am still a frat boy," Mason reminds him.

"But not in spirit!" Ezra insists, before sitting up in his seat, "And don't give me that whole 'once a Tri-Kap always a Tri-Kap' spiel. You said it once when we were fucking and yeah, it was funny but only because-"

"Both of you, stop. Now," Molly cuts in, wincing of the thought of hearing any more details.

Ezra quiets down as he looks at Molly, "I'm really sorry about your friend. I heard about it too. Hard not to. Is his daughter doing okay?"

"Yes, she woke up Wednesday night briefly and has been up since Thursday morning," Molly says, running her hand down her face, "Haven't heard much else other than she should make a full recovery but had a meltdown when Brian told her about Eric."

Ezra nods and looks away, "...That does fucking suck."

Molly lets out a huff, because yeah. For once, Mason's crude way of acknowledging trauma and pain is the only thing any of them can say, "Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up. They are going to be at the service and the dinner all day tomorrow and I'm going to stay with Lily and her friend at the hospital. We won't be around, so I'm sorry about that. And you should probably know that Justin is taking it pretty hard. Brian's obviously his ex but they got really close again in the last year. He got close with Eric too. Hunter has known Eric since Brian started dating him. So if they come off as antisocial or quiet, it isn't because of either of you."

"I mean, it might be a little bit because of me," Mason says. He may have a point.

"You better try with him, like we talked about earlier," Ezra says, getting out of the van, "Dude's about to become my boss. Your _brother_ is becoming my boss. One of the most successful artists in the world is becoming my boss. And our landlord. I need to stop thinking about it."

If you ask Molly, Justin isn't all that impressive. She loves him and she knows he's extremely talented, but his life has been a hot mess on and off. She doesn't see the awe most other people seem to find. Maybe it's because she isn't a creative type, but she feels like Hunter would agree with her. Mason seems to, the way he's looking at Ezra, slightly annoyed. Until last April, Molly would have assumed Mason's reaction was because he's not much of a creative type either. He's into demographics, consumerism, and finances, which is true. He's good at that kind of stuff and has gotten a lot of things accomplished in securing grants and funds for businesses and causes despite not being a college graduate yet. But when she spoke to Ezra for the first time over the phone - after Mason had passed out drunk on his 21st birthday, emotional over the first and - as far as Molly knows - only real fight he has ever had with his boyfriend - she found out that Mason is a writer and apparently very good at it. She actually KNOWS how good he is now, considering he won an award under a pseudonym. She bought the magazine that short story was published in, then toyed with whether it would make Mason uncomfortable if she called him up and told him how much she loved it. Most of the news regarding her brother and his talent comes from Ezra. She knows about _The New Yorker_ contacting him and requesting some of his work too. Ezra had told her, gushing about it with pride, all while she felt hurt that Mason had never said a word and hid his interest in writing as well as his talent from everyone - apparently for several years. So while Molly might not get the awe some people have for Justin, Mason might get it, now that she thinks about it. Maybe Mason isn't showing it because he's jealous Ezra is talking about another guy. Maybe it's because Mason barely knows Justin at all.

They'll get to know each other. She really wants that to happen. And maybe with Ezra around, Mason will be more open and willing to share more of himself with all of them. Ezra seems to ground Mason and get him to open up in a way she has never seen from her younger brother. And Ezra is the type of person who can make a friend within seconds. She's not worried about Ezra and Justin not getting along. Ezra could be a good person to get Mason and Justin to bond in a way she has never accomplished.

"Do you want to see the place first?" Molly asks, shaking herself out of her thoughts just as her phone vibrates in her non-taser wielding pocket. Hunter.

"Not kidnapped or dead in a back alley," she says quickly, then hangs up before he can get anything out.

"I want to know what the fuck Seth did. And why you or Dad didn't say shit to me about it," Mason blurts out, as if her response to Hunter triggered him. As soon as she opens her mouth, Mason talks over her, "I don't give a fuck if I was finishing up the semester. I literally don't care how logical your reasons are for not saying a word-"

"Hey, remember whatever happened affected her the most. I know you're upset, I get it," Ezra says gently, then steps back up into the truck to say something that Molly can't hear. All she sees is Ezra putting a hand on Mason's cheek and Mason settles down after that, as if Ezra just worked some sort of soothing magic on him.

Yeah. She approves of him and she likes him. A lot. Mason really did pick a good guy.

"We're talking about it tonight," Mason says, after getting out of the van.

"Fine," Molly says, leading the way, "Let me get a hold of Justin. See if he will meet us at the door."

\-----------------------

It's awkward, but not as awkward as previous gatherings involving Mason have been.

Ezra being there actually helps a lot. When Justin meets them in front of their apartment, spare keys in hand, Ezra is friendly and personable in his greeting and he gets along with him easily when they all eat breakfast together, then unload the truck only to go back out and grab some hand-me-down furniture from Hunter's and Molly's storage unit. Hunter had been super on point in his description of Ezra. Enthusiastic and sweet like Emmett, projecting and outspoken like Debbie, all with a commanding and charismatic presence like Brian.

He's also really fucking hot like Brian. It's the only thing Hunter hadn't warned him about. Justin can see why Mason might have gone gay for him. While Justin has never been convinced that one person can change someone else's sexuality, he had witnessed Brian seduce supposedly straight guys into bottoming like it was nothing. He's sure Ezra's relationship with Mason is more loving and complex than that. From what Justin's heard, they're monogamous and have been for a while. But he can also see a likely ability that Ezra has: to awaken something in people and make them suddenly want him.

Not that Justin does, because that would be rude as Mason's...whatever and inappropriate as Ezra's boss. He just sees why Mason would be willing to abandon his original comfort zone and be down for a relationship with Ezra. Going by his employment paperwork, Ezra is even a few months younger than Nathan and Nathan had been a huge change from his 'same age or older' norm, despite being one of the most significant lovers in his life. Justin just sees the appeal and he would rather focus on that (and occasionally check him out) than what he's been thinking about all morning. Checking out guys is so much more preferable than what's going on in his mind. Checking out guys is a norm and he wants the clusterfuck of grief and guilt going on in his mind to stop-

"He's super hot, right?" Molly says to him quietly, as if she had been reading at least some of his thoughts, "When I first saw pictures of him, I was in shock, even more so when I met him in person. But it definitely made sense as to why Mason abandoned his straightness. I mean, look at the way he carries himself. All confident and secure but too sweet to be cocky, plus his cheekbones and his jaw line and his eyes and his body -"

"Molly Taylor, I can hear every thirsty word coming out of your mouth," Ezra says as soon as he finishes situating the couch before turning around to face her, "And I _love_ it. All three Taylor siblings, wanting a piece of this? It's my dream. You're _all_ my type. I am not opposed to letting you have a slice to satisfy your curiosities."

Ezra lets himself drop on the couch as soon as Mason walks in with an end table before looking at his boyfriend, "But alas, while I can give you my body, could I truly give you my heart? I think not, for this man who stands above me owns it."

"Why are you talking like Shakespeare?" Mason asks, looking down at the other man strangely while Hunter carries in a microwave.

Ezra sits up like he's offended, "That's _barely_ Shakespeare. You KNOW how I feel about him, Mason, so you don't get to be frustrated about the rant I am about to go on now. Shakespeare? He is completely overrated. There, I said it! You can quote me unless I ever get cast in Shakespeare in the Park, then it's deny, deny, deny. But since that isn't happening at the moment, I feel comfortable around all of you enough to say that my boyfriend has wounded me with his words by comparing me to works that mainly encompass typical, suffering white man, Elizabethan era bullshit...no offense to any of you."

"None taken," Justin snorts.

"You're exhausting," Mason says as he takes the spot where Ezra's head just was, causing Ezra to lie back down and use Mason's lap as a pillow as their fingers intertwine and they talk to each other at too low of a level for Justin to hear. Even though there are a few more things to be done, they give them a few moments to relax and be coupley. If they can have a happy and relatively carefree day today, then Justin wants it for them, even though Justin definitely can't. He's never been the type to want everyone to suffer with him. He's hoping their happiness can rub off on him - or at least continue to distract him. But it might not work that way, considering the way the whole tone of the room changes once Mason's phone starts ringing.

"It's Dad," Mason mutters, causing everyone in the room to stare at him, waiting, "What am I supposed to say to him?"

"What you would normally say?" Molly suggests, then sighs when the phone stops ringing, "Mason, seriously. If you aren't ready to tell him about you and Ezra, fine. But you can't start ghosting him until you are ready. He knows you moved up here with him, that roommates for young people aren't uncommon at all, especially here. Just let him know you are almost done getting your stuff in and that you and Ezra are getting settled."

"Yeah, dude," Hunter says as he comes over to stand next to Molly, "He's not going to ask if you're balls deep in him or anything."

"Ew, Hunter!" Molly exclaims, like the hypocrite that she is, considering she has over shared with Justin on her sex life with Hunter too many fucking times in the last month to count.

"Actually," Ezra says, sitting up again, "We believe in equal opportunity. But much more often than not? It's the other way arou-"

Mason slaps his hand over Ezra's mouth before he can finish his sentence and makes him lie back down.

"If it means anything..." Justin starts, all while Molly perks up and looks at Justin encouragingly, as if she's dying for them to bond. It makes him want to say something even less, but whatever, "If it means anything, I don't think he's going to get all that upset. He comes to see me pretty often now and was really sorry about how things went down. Besides, he will probably approve of Ezra a lot more than he ever did of Brian…"

He hates thinking of Brian. He hates saying his name. Even if it's about the Brian from before, it's still a grief-stricken and heartbroken Brian that pops up in his head.

"...The age gap didn't help," Justin says, moving on after swallowing past a lump in his throat, "He may have had a career that Dad would have approved of, but the timing and the circumstances made it hard and a lot of ignorance and hate built up because of it. He might have reacted a little differently if it was someone closer to my age. Maybe it would have been the same back then, but I don't know. I just don't think he would ever distance himself from one of his kids ever again, especially after what the guilt did to his mental health. You shouldn't tell him this second, obviously. Wait until things settle down and you're in more of a routine and less stressed. But uh...But we can be there when you do want to tell him. We can back you and Ezra up, if that's something you feel like you need."

Mason stares at him for a moment, then nods silently. Everyone else in the room is silent too, waiting for one of them to speak first.

"I should call him back, I guess," Mason says, unlocking his phone, "Let him know we got here okay. You're right, on not saying anything about Ezra and me over the phone right now, but just in case there's something going on with him or the call gets…I'm just going to take it in the bedroom."

The living room gets a lot quieter after Mason leaves the room, as if no one really knows what to say. But Ezra, almost predictably, is the first one to break it. However, he sounds more serious than Justin has heard him as of yet.

"Thank you for saying that," Ezra says quietly from the couch, causing all eyes to turn to him, "Madison came up to help us pack. Insisted on it. She's been sort of desperate to see him since Mason has been keeping his distance after she left your dad and got with some other guy. When he goes down to Pittsburgh, he stays with Craig and Madison is lucky to get a lunch out of him. But uh...he told her. She didn't take it very well."

"Oh no," Molly says under her breath, then speaks up, "What did she say?"

"It…" Ezra says, then looks away, "It could have gone worse. She didn't disown him or give him an ultimatum. But she thinks he's confused. She sort of insinuated she thought he was having a nervous breakdown from being so busy with school, so that's sort of insulting."

"That's pretty fucking insulting," Hunter agrees, "Did she say anything about you?"

"Well, she's liked me for the longest time," Ezra says, "She thought I was a positive influence on Mason and could get him to broaden his horizons. And I think that's right. I have successfully done that, in the last way Madison was expecting. She's not my biggest fan right now, I'm sure. She thinks I seduced Mason when he was emotionally vulnerable and craving a male figure in his life due to the divorce and 'Mason lacking a biological connection to Craig'. I'm two years older than him. I doubt I am going to satisfy any daddy issues he has. Anyway, I told her that I'm in love with him and it didn't seem to get her to take our relationship more seriously. She was talking about coming up to New York for Christmas, even though we really don't want to do much. I guess Katie, Mason's aunt, is coming to spend the holidays in Pittsburgh. Mason's uncles too. She thought it might be good for them all to take a trip up to see Mason but I don't know if she's going to do that now."

"Well...Madison can be a bitch," Molly says, then clarifies, "She's not _terrible_. She's not. She went to a lot of my ice skating tournaments and took me shopping when I would stay with Dad. She took a lot of time decorating my room at the house. She even gave Dad gifts for me and Hunter so that he could bring them up for Thanksgiving. She cares a lot. But she also cares a lot about image and how people view her, probably stemming from the fact she had Mason when she was in high school and got discriminated against because of it. She got kicked out by her super religious parents when she got pregnant, she and Mason lived in a shelter on and off for years, there was a really abusive boyfriend she had when Mason was young. It was a lot. She only had a small studio when she met Dad, but that was more than she had ever had on her own. There are reasons as to why Madison is the way that she is. A lot of it comes from having to survive the way that she did for so long and due to the trauma from that. She really does love Mason a lot. I can't see her disowning him over this. I can't say the same about her brothers - they're fucking assholes. But her sister, Katie, is a good person. She's sort of wild and only a few years older than me. When Madison's mom passed, she and Dad took Katie in for about a year until Katie finished high school. I still talk to her. I'll...I can call her and see if she's interested in coming to New York sometime soon, if not for the holidays. I won't out Mason to her, but I can tell her that he's missing her or something. It would give Mason someone else in the family who backs him besides me...and Justin and Hunter.

Justin doesn't know how he feels being included as a family member in the know, he really doesn't. But he meant it when he said he was going to try to get closer to Mason - for Molly's sake but also for Mason's and maybe even his dad's - so he keeps his mouth shut and lets Molly be right. 

Anyway, Katie will accept Mason in a heartbeat," Molly continues, "Madison...she'll probably need some time, but she loves Mason too much to just drop him. She is essentially a hardened person who just wants things to be perfect and easy - for herself but also for him. There are a lot of control issues there. Plus, with the views her parents had on gay people when she was growing up and seeing how gay people have been treated, she is probably very concerned for his safety and frustrated with him because she didn't see this coming."

"I think that's part of it too," Ezra says, nodding, "I mean, Mason has never been interested in a specific guy until me, let alone in a relationship with one. It's not like she found out he was just curious and had a one night stand with a guy or something. It blindsided her. She still agreed not to tell Craig or anyone else and I think she was telling the truth on that. It just...her reaction just didn't help. I think she will come around once the shock wears off and she sees we are still together but Mason isn't perceiving it that way right now."

"Of course he's not," Molly says, "He didn't even tell me that he told her and we've talked almost every day the last few weeks."

"Sounds like you both will have a lot to talk about," Ezra says, "Mason's coming out experience with his mother, whatever that Seth fucker did-"

"Oh, you haven't told them what he did?" Hunter interrupts, giving Molly a pointed look, "Molly, they need to fucking know."

But before Molly can get more than a frustrated groan out, Mason comes out of the bedroom and back into the living room, causing the room to quiet down once more. Mason looks around at each of them, as if he's scrutinizing what conversations he missed.

"None of you are being subtle in your silence. I know you were gossiping," Mason says, letting out a huff before going over to sit down in Molly's old oversized swivel chair. One pout from Ezra has him going back over to the couch.

"Because we care about you. Sort of," Molly gives him before her approach softens, "Everything go okay with Dad?"

Mason nods, "No big conversations about me. Just that we got moved in and that he was going to try to visit in a few days for Christmas. Said he could get a hotel room. I told him Mom and her family might come up, even though they probably won't now. He didn't seem to mind. He still talks to Mom, I guess, but still. I didn't know how to tell him we weren't doing anything this year. Didn't have it in me. I don't think he wants to be alone."

"Well…" Molly starts, then comes over to sit down in the swivel chair, "If he gets a hotel room, I doubt he will catch on. Dad's gaydar sucks. He didn't even suspect Justin was gay until he came out and that's just ridiculous."

"I am not that obvious," Justin says right before Hunter snorts out his sip of water at his claim.

"Speaking of," Mason says, meeting Justin's eyes, "Dad wanted me to tell you that he was sorry to hear about Eric. And that he's keeping Brian and their kid in his thoughts."

The whole room falls silent once more, but this time out of pure shock. Dad extending his condolences should make Justin feel better. It should make him feel like he doesn't have to tiptoe around the fact that Brian is (was? had been?) his friend whenever his father is in New York. That maybe they can be in the same room as Brian one day and not make Justin want to sink through the floor and cease to exist.

But it doesn't accomplish any of those things. It just makes him think about Brian and thinking about Brian makes him feel depressed.

\-------------------------

"But I w-want you to stay h-here!"

Brian lets out a breath as his daughter continues to wail and cling onto his jacket with the one good arm she has. Her having emotional breakdowns over small shit the last few days has been common. She threw her soup across the room when she didn't like it. She screamed and kicked the nurse with her good leg when he wanted to wheel her away for an MRI to check on her concussion. She told Brian to shut up when he told her she couldn't throw things or kick people because she was upset. On Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night, she had horrible nightmares that she refused to talk about. Brian hates thinking it, hates thinking that he just wants to get away from her, but she is fucking exhausting and has been on and off since she woke up. He is happy she is alive and she's going to heal. It's the only fucking thing he can be happy about right now. But that sliver of happiness is tainted because Lily isn't Lily. It's like parts of her have died with Eric - Brian's favorite parts - and have left him with some trauma infested shell of a daughter.

He's a horrible human being for feeling that way. He already knows that. He's a selfish one too. But he just wants to sleep on something that isn't a cot or a recliner, even though he already knows he isn't going to sleep much tonight at all.

"It's one night," Brian says softly, trying to come off more paternal than he feels as he kneels down, "Hey, shhhh. I just need to get some rest before tomorrow, okay? I'll be back tomorrow evening. Duncan and Molly are going to be here in the morning. That should be fun for you-"

"I don't w-want you to leave me!" Lily wails, her breath hiccupping with her cries.

Brian closes his eyes, "Honey, it's just one night. Jess is going to stay with you tonight so you won't be alone-"

"I HATE YOU!!!"

The words leave him in shock and he tries to work past them, he does.

He just can't.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he rasps out, reaching out to pat her knee just as Jess walks in, "I'm making you more upset. I'll...I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Brian stands up at full height and walks out of the room before he can think too much on it. He doesn't say another word to Lily. He doesn't even say anything to Jess. He just tries to block out Lily's hysterical and inconsolable crying that's echoing down the hall. Most of what she says is no longer understandable to Brian's ears. The only word that he can make out clearly is 'Papa'.

It makes him want to fucking drop dead. He prays for a brain aneurysm all the way to the car. Maybe if his prayers are answered, he can convince whatever higher power there might be to let him and Eric switch places. There's still time. Eric isn't getting cremated until Monday. He can have his body back and Brian's body can burn until it's ash.

He doesn't know if it's Lily's harsh words to him or the fact that his ideal death wish can never happen, but as soon as he closes the car door, he's screaming and hitting the steering wheel until his skin on his knuckles starts to break. It doesn't make things better but it doesn't make things any worse either. It lets his emotions leak out a little, just enough so he won't explode. It is only when his head is resting against the wheel and he's breathing heavily that he feels safe enough to drive. But before he can bring himself to pull on the gear shift, his phone rings.

Emmett. Again.

"Yeah?" Brian says as soon as he accepts the call, sounding hoarser than he'd like.

"Hey, baby," Emmett says, trying to sound nonchalant as though he's just calling to chat about how their days are going, "Just checking in, seeing if you need anything."

"I'm fine," Brian says and leaves it at that.

"Well, um…" Emmett starts, clearing his throat, "I'm in the city. Just picking some things up for the dinner tomorrow. I was going to swing by and drop some stuff off. Maybe keep you and Gus company for a while."

Brian closes his eyes, "You can leave the stuff with Gus. I'm not home right now."

"Okay, sure," Emmett says, "You with Lily?"

"Not anymore," Brian says darkly then blurts out, "She fucking hates me."

"What?" Emmett says, sounding alarmed and confused, "Brian, I'm not sure where you got that idea but you know that isn't true. She adores you, baby."

"Not anymore."

"Is this about how she's been acting the last couple of days?" Emmett presses, "Because if it is, you know that she's not going to act like that forever. She's hurting right now, in more ways than one. She's going to need a lot of time, attention, and support. But whatever happened to make you think she _hates_ you isn't because she actually has any negative feelings about you."

"The exact words came out of her mouth. Pretty hard to interpret them as her feeling anything else."

Emmett is already talking over him, "No, no, no. She may have said it but she doesn't mean it. Plenty of kids have said they hated their parents, whether it was to their faces or not. She would have never said that if she weren't hurting, both physically and emotionally. And she's four years old. If we can barely handle what's happening in our hearts and our heads, she definitely can't. We just got to be patient with her, baby. We can't take the things she's saying or doing to heart. We just need to help her through those moments while she's getting better."

"Hmmm," Brian tries to acknowledge. He doesn't know what else to say.

"Why don't I stick around and meet you back at the house?" Emmett suggests, "You can tell me what happened if you want. Maybe we can brainstorm on how to help her feel a little better."

Brian lets out a humorless laugh, "Nothing is going to make her feel better. Nothing except getting Eric back and that's never going to fucking happen, is it? I pulled the plug, I fucking killed him, I should know that he's gone for good."

Emmett's silence on the line is suddenly deafening and Brian thinks about just hanging up before Emmett must sense that he's tempted and speaks up.

"....Brian, honey, why don't you meet me at your house? You're scaring me. We can talk. About whatever you want. Or not. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, but I think you should come straight home."

Brian sniffles at the sound of the word. Home. Home. It doesn't fucking feel like a home. Home is where his family is supposed to be. Gus is at the house, but Lily is in the hospital and Eric is lying in some coffin rental at the funeral home. His family is fucking shattered and unrecognizable to him now. Eric is not supposed to be dead. Lily is not supposed to act like a completely different child the majority of the time. Gus isn't supposed to feel like he has to take care of his father.

Brian did this. He _caused_ this, caused his house to not feel like his home anymore, caused Eric to die, broke his daughter. He deserves to be dead. It's what he wants. Not as badly as he wants Eric alive and with him again but death is actually attainable. He could end it all immediately if he had the guts.

But he can't say that.

"I don't want to go there," Brian says instead, "I don't want to be in that house right now."

"Okay," Emmett says placatingly, although his voice sounds too shaky to be pulled off as calm, "Okay, why don't you meet me at my place then? You can stay the night. I'll go pack you a bag, get your suit, pick up Gus, then meet you in Hoboken."

Brian doesn't want that either but the idea of going to Emmett's doesn't make him feel sick like going back to the house does.

"Alright," Brian says quietly. He hangs up before Emmett can say anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the funeral, part 1

"Are you sure no one else can watch them?"

Molly glances at Hunter but focuses on pulling out a tie from the drawer to hand over to him, "I am sure they could find someone else if they tried but Emmett and Drew asked me because Duncan wanted me to come stay with them and Lily agreed."

Hunter purses his lips but doesn't say anything else on the subject, just continues to make sure he has his outfit ready for the viewing. Molly gets why he is asking. If it was someone Molly was closer with and Hunter couldn't come with her to the funeral, she would be a little bummed too. Lonely. But he will have Justin there, not to mention his dads and his sister. Right now, it's a lot easier to abandon her grieving boyfriend than two grieving four year olds. 

"Do you want to come run a few errands?" Molly asks once she finishes up with her makeup, "The viewing doesn't start until noon. We can drop Archimedes off with Mason and Ezra on our way out."

"Yeah," Hunter says quietly, "That's fine. What all do you need to do?"

"I'm going to go over to the arts and crafts store to get some supplies to keep them occupied," Molly starts to list, grabbing her purse, "Then I want to run to the grocery store to get some containers and some ingredients to do a spa day for Lily. I'm already bringing some of my nail stuff for her. 

"Do you think Duncan will enjoy that?" Hunter asks.

"If it makes her happy? Yes," Molly says, absolutely certain, "Besides, you got a mani-pedi with me."

"That's because I am a solid sixty-five percent metrosexual. You said it yourself," Hunter says, walking over to her, "But Duncan is a man's man. Fits right in with Drew Boyd."

"Duncan is sensitive and sweet," Molly objects, already forming a soft spot for the boy, "Multi-faceted and open-minded. He will be down to have cucumber slices put over his eyes while his nails get filed and he meditates."

"Well," Hunter says as he puts his arms around her, "If anyone can get him to give it a try, it would be you."

\---------------------------- 

Justin never fell asleep last night. His mind has been a constant hum of worry, nerves, and sadness. He's glad he isn't heading over there alone. Hunter's going with him. Nathan and Petra are meeting them there. He's not going to be walking in alone. He won't have to face Brian alone, if he even faces him directly at all. He should have at least texted his condolences. Told him how sorry he truly was. It would do nothing, but his silence and distance also do nothing but make him feel more guilty and awkward. 

He almost feels relief when there's a knock on his door. He's not quite ready yet and Hunter said he wouldn't be up here until 1:30. They plan on getting there at 2 pm, giving them about three hours at the viewing to visit with friends and family instead of five. The funeral starts at 5 pm, goes on until approximately 6, and then there is a dinner at Brian's and Er…

Brian's house. 

It sounds like a long enough day as it is. When Hunter mentioned to him last night that he would rather not be doing this for what could potentially turn into nine or ten hours, Justin agreed probably a little too quickly to be there at 2 pm instead. 

So while he is grateful to have someone wanting to come in and possibly keep Justin company, he is also confused as well as a little concerned because he is suddenly dreading the thought of going sooner. He feels thrown off enough. 

And only feels more thrown off once he opens the door and sees who it is. 

"Mom?" Justin says, looking at her in confusion as she stands there looking solemn but tender once she meets his eyes. Justin peers around her, wondering how she got in, before his mother explains herself.

"I stopped by Molly's and Hunter's first, since she was planning on watching the kids. They buzzed me in," Jennifer says, stepping into the apartment. She takes off her dark coat, revealing a black, modest, but elegant dress.

"I just…" his mother starts, before biting her lip, "I'm really hurting for Brian right now and I didn't know Eric well, but I know Brian has to be in a lot of pain. If you don't want me to go give my condolences to him, I won't, but I want to let him know how sorry I am and that he doesn't deserve this at all-"

Justin blinks away moisture from his eyes as his mother breaks off and sniffles, then shrugs, "Maybe it's inappropriate. For his ex-fiancé's mother to come and see him-'

"I think he would appreciate it," Justin says, his voice sounding raspy, "Brian's uh... Brian's relationship with Eric's parents is iffy. Things are better with his dad but they are hard with his mom, plus both of them are in a ton of pain of their own right now. You might...you and Debbie might be able to give him that kind of support if he's willing to accept any of it. Hunter and I plan on getting there around 2 if you want to come."

Jennifer nods then unexpectedly brings him into a tight hug, "I can't imagine how his parents are feeling, regardless of how things have been with Eric. I know even when things were bad with you and your dad and that Hobbs...anyway, he was devastated when we didn't know if you were going to make it. I didn't know if _I_ would make it if you passed. I can't imagine what they are going through. But Brian needs a parent's love through this, or as close as he can get."

Justin nods and wraps his arms around his mom more tightly before finally pulling away, "Speaking of parents and Dad, um...You know I gave Mason and his b...roommate the apartment across from Molly's right? Mason, Dad's-"

"Your dad's son," his mother interjects softly, "Yes, I know who Mason is. You know I do. And Molly let me know after you made the offer and he accepted."

"Okay," Justin says, nodding, "I just wanted to give you a heads up in case that was weird for you."

"Honey, it's fine," Jennifer says, making her way further into the apartment, "I'm glad you are getting to know him. I know it hurt you when your dad adopted him. It hurt me too. But that was never Mason's fault and from what I understand, his biological father is not a good person and was barely in the picture. Mason deserves loving parents and I am glad Craig was able to be that for him, even if I was upset with how he was with you. I really hope you guys form a great relationship and bond. I took him out a few times with Molly. I even took him out to lunch right after he moved to New Hampshire for college because Tucker and I found ourselves in the area. He's a nice boy." 

Justin stares at her and shakes his head, "Dad never deserved you." His mother just rolls her eyes in response.

His mom being there helps. She fills in the silence by talking about his grandparents and Tucker and how happy she continues to be about Hunter and Molly. Part of Justin wants to confide in her. Unload on someone about how upset and guilty he feels. Tell her what led to Brian calling Eric and asking him to come home. But he can't foresee how she will react to that. He honestly can't think of what her worst or best reaction may be. He leaves the subject alone. 

When they head down to the second floor at 1:30, they already see Hunter standing outside his door in a suit, talking with Ezra and Mason. Hunter is kneeling down, keeping a leashed Archimedes at an arm's length to keep from any potential hair getting on his clothes, but petting him anyway as if he wants the comfort only a puppy can bring. Justin's not going to lie. Part of him wants to pick the puppy up and hold him too. His mother looks like she's happier to see Mason than the dog. 

"Hi, Mason," Jennifer says, approaching the younger man with a smile, "Did you get moved in okay?"

Mason, while looking slightly hesitant, doesn't seem to be too uncomfortable around Jennifer Taylor. Despite that, Justin does look glance over at Ezra and it seems that he's curious as well, possibly watching for any signs that he needs to break the ice or give Mason an out. 

"It was good," Mason says, trying to smile, "Molly, Hunter, and Justin helped."

"That's great, I'm glad to hear," Jennifer answers before looking down at Archimedes, "Hunter, is this the dog you got Molly or does this dog belong to one of you?"

"I wish that he was my dog," Ezra says, looking down at the dog tenderly as Archimedes walks back over to be picked up by him, "He's the sweetest. But he belongs to Hunter and Molly. You want to hold your grandson?"

Jennifer takes a step back, "Maybe some other time. You must be Ezra, right? Mason's roommate?"

Justin ends up feeling a pang in his chest at Ezra's expression. It's mild to someone who wouldn't know any better, but being called Mason's 'roommate' obviously bothers him. To give Mason credit, it seems to bother him too.

"I would be Ezra, yes," Ezra ends up saying, situating the puppy in his arms to shake Jennifer's hand, "You're Molly's and Justin's mom? Jennifer, right?"

"I would be her," Jennifer replies, then glances at Mason, "Do you...Do you need anything? I'd like to get you both a housewarming gift."

"I can't really think of anything," Mason says, rubbing the back of his neck, "Molly and Hunter gave us a lot of their old stuff." 

"I'll stop and get you a gift card somewhere then," Jennifer decides, "You can use it in case you think of anything you need later." 

"Mom, you are momming out more than usual," Justin mutters, gently leading his mother away from Mason and Ezra before giving them a glance, "I guess we will see you guys tonight or in the morning."

Ezra nods, "I would say have a good time but that would be stupid. So I hope you see a lot of your loved ones during this trying time."

It's probably the only good thing Ezra can wish for them on a day like this, but seeing his loved ones is what Justin is dreading.

\-----------------------

Molly arrives the same time Drew and Duncan do, coincidentally running into them in the parking garage. Well - to be more accurate - Duncan is the one who runs over to her. 

"Molllllyyyyy!" She hears her name echo through the space, accompanied with small, running footsteps approaching her. When she turns around, she sees a bundled up and smiling Duncan a few feet away from her before her collides with her and wraps his arms around her waist.

"I missed you!" Duncan says, looking up at her adoringly and yeah, it does make her melt, "I asked Pa and Daddy to let you stay with us since Kendra is moving away and you came!"

"Of course I came! I missed you too!" Molly says, putting her bags down to return the hug, smiling briefly at Drew as he catches up and stands behind his son.

"Thank you for doing this," Drew says softly, "He's crazy about you and hyped you up to Lily over Facetime so, if she's in a better mood, she should be happy to see you too."

"Lily was very, very, VERY sad and mad yesterday," Duncan informs her, suddenly more serious, "She is very sad about the futural and not getting to go. I stay here with her because she's 'portant."

Molly nods, "She is. And you're a good friend for staying with her."

Duncan tsks, then puts a hand to his chest, "I'm her _boyfriend_. Friend too, but boyfriend comes first. Always."

Behind Duncan, Drew rolls his eyes then glances down at her bags, "Here, let me get those."

Molly shrugs, "Alright, but they are sort of heavy."

Drew looks at her like she's an idiot for thinking he can't handle a few bags but Molly does feel some slight vindication when he does seem surprised by the weight. 

"What did ya bring?" Duncan asks as they get in the elevator and he takes a hold of her hand.

Molly looks down at him, "Lots of stuff. I brought arts supplies so that we can make different crafts, like galaxy and fairy jars, plus planters we can paint and some soil to plant succulents I found and put in Lily's window to make her room prettier. I brought stuff so that we can sew and make puppets and a stage so that we can create our own puppet show. There are kids books in there that are in Spanish and Mandarin since Lily knows Spanish and I'm learning it and I know Mandarin and she's learning that. I brought stuff so that we can write our own books and make our own board games-"

"Make our own?" Duncan asks, incredulously but intrigued.

"Yep," Molly nods, "I also brought stuff to make Lily's nails pretty and her skin nice and soft, things to make her feel relaxed. I will obviously do it for you too, if you want." 

"Those are so many things!" Duncan exclaims, already seeming excited as he looks up at her with bright eyes as they get off the elevator.

"You definitely outdid yourself," Drew agrees, walking alongside them, "Let me know how much you spent. If you didn't keep the receipts, that's fine. Just give me an approximate amount and how much you spent on travel. I'll add it to what we are paying you."

Molly shakes her head, "I told you that you didn't have to worry about that." 

Drew gives her a look, "You do realize I played professional football for twenty years, right? Give free services to someone who can't afford to pay for it."

Molly opens her mouth, then closes it. He does have a point.

When they get to Lily's room, Molly already knows she is going to have to work to get Lily much more open for potential fun and distraction. Her heart goes out to her as she sees Lily sitting on her bed looking extremely agitated, pushing at the rolling table as if she's testing it.

"Your Daddy will be back tonight," Jess says softly, already dressed for the funeral, "Are you sure you don't want to talk to him? There's still a little time before everything starts. He should still be at Emmett's-"

"I don't want to," Lily interrupts abruptly, pout still firmly in place, "I am very mad at him and I don't want to see him anymore 'cause he left and that means he doesn't want to be with me."

Jess lets out a breath and kneels down to get Lily to look at her, "You know that's not true. Your Daddy just needed time to rest and get ready."

"He can do that _here_ ," Lily tells her, then glares, "You did."

Jess purses her lips and doesn't seem to know what to say, so she stands up and runs her fingers through Lily's hair, "I understand you're upset. I'll come by and see you in the morning, okay? Will you be good for Molly?"

It's the first time Lily has looked at her since Molly had walked in, but she seems indecisive on whether or not she will behave. Molly gets it. Lily is hurting too much to keep up appearances. In all honesty, Molly would rather her just get the worst of it out earlier in the day so that they can focus on trying to feel better after, rather than delaying the inevitable.

"She ate a little bit of breakfast, but not much," Jess informs them, stepping away from the bed, "Her diet is no longer under restrictions, so that's good. If there's something that appeals to her at lunch-"

"I'll try to get it, sure," Molly finishes, "Don't worry about me."

Jess nods, glancing at the little girl on the bed then leans in closer to Molly, "She's not...She's not like this. She isn't acting like herself at all. I...I have experience with kids but not ones who have gone through something like this. I feel terrible that I can't give you more pointers, but-"

"We'll be _fine_ ," Molly says gently, leading her towards the door, "I worked part time at a school where one of the boys bashed my head into a wall and gave me a concussion. Honestly, I liked it more than the mainstream school I worked at. I've dealt with some difficult kids who you could only do so much for. Lily doesn't have a ceiling blocking her from getting better. She just needs time, understanding, and communication."

Jess nods, "I hope so."

Molly truly hopes so too.

When Drew and Jess leave, it's quiet at first. Duncan is watching Lily with a silent concern and Lily is watching nothing at all, just staring straight ahead at the wall. Molly is going to have to break the ice somehow, get Lily to be open to participating in something-

"Molly brought lots of stuff for us to do, Lily," Duncan says, standing up from his chair to walk over to her bed, "She said that we-"

"I don't care," Lily says, cutting Duncan off, "You do that stuff. I don't care what you do."

Duncan's eyes suddenly look sad and rejected as he looks away and doesn't seem like he knows what to say.

"What would you like to do, Lily?" Molly asks, watching the little girl closely, "You choose whatever you want."

Lily glares at her, but then straightens out her expression and sits up, "Can we go to Disney World?"

Molly raises an eyebrow, "That's where you want to go?"

"Yep," Lily sasses, flipping her hair back with her left hand. 

Molly nods, "Well...you might not get to enjoy all of the rides you'd normally enjoy. You're still pretty hurt. I brought stuff you can enjoy here. Maybe your Daddy can take you to Disney when you're healed up. But until then? We can still have fun."

Lily stares at her a moment, then shakes her head, "No. I'm never going to have fun again. I don't want to."

Molly scoots her chair closer, "Why not?"

Lily shrugs and looks down at her blanket, choosing not to say anything in response. Molly lets out a sigh and touches her hand.

"Having fun, or trying to," Molly starts once Lily meets her eyes, "Along with learning new things, spending time with people we care about, and talking to those people when we feel sad or mad or frustrated? Those things help a lot. They don't fix everything-"

"It won't bring Papa back," Lily harshly interrupts, her eyes filled with stubborn tears, "It won't fix that. Papa is never coming back. Daddy said Papa d-died and died means gone forever."

Molly nods sadly, "I know. I know what it means. But it doesn't mean we can't talk about him and how sad we all are that he's gone. Once you do that, you might start wanting to talk about how great your Papa was and how you had a lot of good times with him. You'll keep your memories of him alive by doing that. In here and here."

Molly points at Lily's head, then at her chest. Lily looks down at her index finger before meeting Molly's eyes, "That makes no sense. Papa can't fit in either of those places. He's too big. Besides, he's dead. Dead means gone. Maybe in Heaven or maybe he's a ghost like in a movie but Daddy says he doesn't know what happens for sure, that no one does. Do you know?"

Molly shakes her head, "No idea. People think of what it might be like but no one really knows. Not until they die too. You probably only find out then."

Lily nods, maintaining eye contact with Molly as she looks more resolved, "I want to die then. That's what I want. So that I can be with Papa if I go someplace at all." 

Duncan lets out a whine, "Don't say that, Lily! I don't like it!"

Molly tries not to give into her urge to comfort Duncan and focus on Lily instead, "I can't promise you that you will see your Papa whenever you do die - hopefully one hundred years from now - but I can promise you this: If your Papa did see you again because something happened to you now? Honey, he would be so upset. He would want you to live a very long life. If he's anywhere, somewhere we can't see, then he probably misses you a lot but won't want to see you for a long time because it would mean you aren't here with your Daddy and Duncan and-"

"Your baby sister!" Duncan interjects quickly, "She needs you too!"

Molly nods in agreement, "She's going to be born really soon, isn't she? In a month or so. Your Daddy is going to need a lot of help, especially now." 

Lily looks away again and her voice breaks, "I just wanna see my papa. He shouldn't have d-died."

"It wasn't fair," Molly says hoarsely as Lily starts to cry, "I know. It wasn't his fault though. He wanted to stay here but that kind of stuff is out of our control."

"H-He should have tr-tried harder!" Lily shouts as Duncan carefully climbs up onto the bed, "He should've ran! Left! Protedded himself!

Molly opens her mouth only to close it out of confusion, "...Ran?"

"F-From the bad m-men!" Lily gets out as she cries harder, "I s-saw! I saw!"

Oh no. Oh, fuck.

"You want to talk about what you saw?" Molly asks, glancing at Duncan, wondering if she should ring a nurse to ask her to take him out of the room for a few minutes. It wouldn't be that nurse's job to watch him, especially with Duncan not being a patient, but Molly isn't sure how else to handle whatever story Lily has to tell. She doesn't think Duncan would go willingly anyway, not with the way he's inching closer to Lily and staring at Molly as if he knows what she's trying to plan.

"I stay here and listen," Duncan says, leaving no room for argument, "A bad man hurt my baba too. I saw. Before, I live with Baba. Then, I live with other people, more than one family! Now, I have my Daddy and Pa and I love them. They say that I am stuck with them. No more new families." 

Lily leans her head on Duncan's shoulder as she sniffles and mumbles, "I'm glad you are Drew's and Emmett's family now, Duncan."

Molly bites her lip and focuses on Duncan for a moment, "Hey, Duncan? You ever talk to your Daddy or your Pa about what happened to your baba?"

Duncan shakes his head forcefully as he begins to look stubborn, "I don't wanna. I don't wanna think about that. I only say now because Lily talk about her papa."

"I don't want to say either," Lily says, sitting back up, "I don't wanna talk about that."

"Okay," Molly says consolingly, "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Talking does help though. I know a lot of times I don't like to talk either, but then Hunter gets stuff out of me and I end up feeling a lot better."

Lily nods and wipes her face, "Because Hunter loves you. You're going to get married and have lots and lots of babies. That's just how it's going to be, okay?"

Despite the heaviness the morning has brought, it's one moment of lightness where Molly can see a glimpse of the true Lily shining through. And even though part of her is really wanting Lily to talk - to reveal the full extent of what she witnessed and remembers to someone so that her father and her treatment team can be aware and make sure she's getting the right kind of support - she can't push her to do it since it might re-traumatize her. So Molly is going to embrace the opportunity for redirection and potential fun Lily is presenting.

Fun for the kids. Not for her. Hunter is going to tease her mercilessly about this once he finds out about this and feels up to being a dick.

"That's just how it's going to be, huh?" Molly asks, getting a sketch pad and a pencil out of one of the bags, "Throw some names at me. I want to be ready."

Surprisingly, a small and hesitant, but excited and hopeful smile makes its way onto Lily's face before she and Duncan get down to business. 

\----------------------------

Gus doesn't know how he is going to make it through today. He feels fucking sick. But as sick as he feels, he has to wonder how his dad is doing. Emmett had come over last night, right when Gus was finishing up a current events paper to send to his Sociology teacher. It had been on the rise of Canadian sex trafficking and the statistics and repercussions surrounding it so it hadn't exactly put Gus in a better mood. All Emmett had said once Gus emailed it out was that he needed to pack a few things and make sure he had his clothes for the funeral. Dad had apparently wanted to stay at Emmett's instead. Or maybe Emmett had wanted him to. Gus doesn't know. All he knows is that Emmett looked scared and concerned but wouldn't say why Dad wouldn't just come home. When Gus finally caught a glimpse of his dad, the man had only told him 'Good night' and went straight to one of the guest rooms with Emmett trailing behind, as if he wanted to make sure Dad was going where he said he was going. 

Today? Dad is just as quiet, even when they get to the funeral home. He's only broken his silence with Gus a couple of times, one of those times was solely to introduce him to a cousin he's never met. Peter, Dad's nephew, as well as Peter's partner, Jamal, and their niece/adopted daughter. The whole meeting is awkward. Gus has known a little about Dad talking to one of Claire's kids occasionally over Facebook but it's different to see him in person. Peter looks like he'd rather not be here but probably came to make an effort with Dad and be supportive. Gus can understand that. He'd rather not be here either, but he's here for his Dad and for Eric. The meeting is a little stiff and soon after, Peter, Jamal, and Tamika go and hang off to the side because no one really has it in them to socialize more than they have to, not today. It's less nerve-wracking being next to his moms, Amanda, Diego, George, and Rick and sticking with people he already knows pretty well. Near the back, not anywhere near the front where his dad went once he parted ways with Peter. 

Gus has been watching him from afar, just watching him sit in the front row, staring straight ahead. People are going up to him all the time, probably to tell him how sorry they all are or to ask about Lily. They don't stay long. Gus knows his dad isn't easy to talk to these days. The only people waiting him out are Michael, Malia, Cynthia, and Debbie. They are sitting up there with him almost stubbornly until the funeral starts and they have to go to their own seats. Eric's parents are up there too, although James and Louisa are sitting on the other side of the aisle from his dad. He's not sure if they've talked to each other today at all.

"Justin just texted," Mom says, glancing down at her phone, "He just got off the train with Hunter. I guess Jennifer came in this morning for this too." 

"She always did like Brian," Ma says before backtracking, "Well...Not always. But most of the time."

"After the first year or so," Mom adds, then gets off of that subject, "JR will be happy to see Hunter, at least. She's been so quiet all day."

Gus looks around for his younger sister and sees her sitting on the couch, looking sadly down at the black tights and black shoes, her blunt black bangs just starting to hang over her eyes. Ben is next to her, seeming as if he's waiting for her to talk. Usually, JR is only quiet when she is content or when she's reading one of her ten thousand books that she has split up between their mothers' house and Michael's and Ben's house. But when she's actually feeling something significant, she usually goes to Ben first. The fact that he can't even get her to talk about this is saying something. But she's usually really happy to see Hunter. Gus used to get sort of jealous about how attached JR was to Hunter over him, although he would rather die than admit it. A few years ago, his mom caught onto that anyway. She said it was because Hunter moved all the way to California when JR was only four or so and he had the need and ability to take her to fun places and bond with her when he came to see her or when she went to see him, that while Hunter was her brother, he was also more like a fun uncle she could look up to, rather than a friend due to their age gap. Gus is more like a friend, sibling, and equal. He's a lot more mature than JR, but whatever. He can accept his mom's theory. And honestly? He doesn't care if it is right or not at this point. He doesn't care if Hunter is JR's favorite or not right now. If Hunter can get JR to perk up, then Gus will be relieved. 

He just wants someone to be fucking happy for once, even if that person can't be him or his dad.

However, Gus does find himself perking up just a little when he sees Justin walk in, more than he expected to. He tries not to walk over there too quickly so that he doesn't overwhelm him. Gus has been doing a lot of that the last week or so, trying not to overwhelm people. He's been trying not to overwhelm his dad since the man looks like he's seconds away from jumping off a cliff and Gus really doesn't want that. It's why he wants to stay close, to make sure his dad is safe and taking care of himself. Gus has to make sure not to overwhelm Lily either. Every time she acts out and throws something or yells at someone, he wants to talk sense into her and get her to think about how much it is stressing out Dad, but Grandma pointed out that she's really struggling right now and doesn't understand everything she's feeling, that she can't help it and that their dad knows that. He's watching what he says around Amanda and Diego, since he's spent more time with them this past week than he has his own father even and he knows Amanda is distracting herself by trying to spend time with him. He's even had to tiptoe around Emmett, who looks like he's going to have a nervous breakdown any day now. 

He's tired of feeling like he has to make sure everyone is okay. Justin has always been a safe person for him and he wants to fucking unload on someone other than his mothers. Gus knows he's been an asshole to them. But one look at Justin and he knows he can't do that to him either. The man looks as exhausted and sad as the rest of them do. At least Gus doesn't feel the need to support him too. Justin has his mom and Hunter with him. Petra and Nathan are with him too.

Maybe Justin _does_ need support, being at an awful place with two exes in the room. Gus doesn't have an ex, he never fucking wants an ex, but if he and Penelope did break up and they ended up at a funeral together, Gus can only imagine it would be awkward and hard. While he would like to run up to the group like JR does - hug Justin as tightly as JR hugs Hunter - he chooses to stand back at first and just watch. Justin hasn’t seemed to have spotted him. Gus isn’t surprised, the room is packed. It’s definitely the most crowded funeral Gus has ever been to. But Gus is able to keep his eyes on Justin as he signs the guest books, mingles in the back with the people he came in with and a few others who approach him, all while he keeps glancing up to the front of the room every thirty seconds or so, as if he’s wondering if he should go up or not.

Should Gus take Justin up there? Gus doesn’t want to go, he’s too scared to go up right now. But Justin seems scared too. It makes Gus feel less crazy. He should take him up. Face his own fears with someone who is having fears of their own. It might be better. Easier. Although Gus isn’t decisive on the matter one way or another, he finds himself abandoning his mothers and ending up in front of Justin anyway. But as soon as he ends up in front of him, he doesn't even know what to say. Justin seems to know he can't get any words out, the way his expression softens and he puts a hand on the back of Gus's neck. And Gus is trying to keep his cool, he really is, because he told himself he wouldn't fucking cry today because too many people are already hurting. But the way Justin is looking at him, it's as if he's telling him that it's okay that he's hurting too. 

It makes Gus break.

\------------------------------

"It's okay, I got him," Justin gets out as his mother's hands hover over Gus instinctively when his head collapses onto Justin's shoulder and his body begins to shake with sobs, "Go see how Brian's doing. Talk to him. If he seems like he's handling things okay, let him know I'm taking Gus into the other room for a bit." 

"... Alright," his mother eventually says, her expression crumpling slightly when she takes one look at Gus. Nathan looks like he wants to comfort him too and Justin gets it because Nathan lost both of his parents. Even if one deserved to fucking die, Nathan understands the magnitude of that kind of loss, the stress that it brings. But Justin knows Gus and he knows teenage boys well enough to know that Gus doesn't want that kind of attention or pity, especially since he's Brian Kinney's son. Nathan seems to sense that too since he chooses to follow Petra over to Hunter instead, taking one last sad glance at Gus before he does so. 

"Here, come on," Justin says, walking him out of the main room, "It's alright. Let's go sit down."

"I-I don't want to f-fucking be here!" Gus gasps out, crying into his hands.

Justin lets out a breath and continues to rub Gus's back. It's probably not his place at all, to take Gus somewhere, even if it is just across the street. But he can't _deny_ him of a break. Not today. 

"Let me text your moms," Justin says, compromising, "Let them know I'm taking you to the coffee and tea place down the street for a little bit." 

Ideally, Justin would have waited for Melanie and Lindsay to respond. But apparently Gus isn't up to waiting that long. Within seconds, he's walking out the front door, leaving Justin no choice but to follow him out and at least get him walking in the right direction. He doesn't say a word to him otherwise, not until they get there and he gets Gus to grab a table for them while Justin goes up, orders them something to drink, and meets Gus in the corner of the cafe, watching the boy carefully as he takes the first sip from his cup.

"Tea?" Gus asks, sounding put off by the drink as he puts the cup down.

"Coffee will make you jittery," Justin points out as he lifts up his own cup, "I got tea too. Some blend they claim is relaxing and soothing."

"They're full of shit," Gus mumbles, but continues to drink his tea regardless.

Justin snorts at that, "Maybe so. Can't hurt though."

A silence falls between them again and Justin lets out a sigh, "You want to talk about what happened back there?"

Gus shakes his head, "Nothing to talk about."

"There's plenty to talk about," Justin says, "But if you don't want to talk, I won't make you."

Gus stays quiet for a long time. Justin doesn't exactly keep track of the time, but it has to be at least thirty minutes, long enough for Justin to grab him a refill. At first, Justin feels like he is just going to have to grow accustomed to staying silent for however long they're here. But as soon as he starts to accept that, Gus seems to change his mind.

"I'm really worried about a lot of people," Gus finally starts, looking down at the table, "Lily is a mess and acting out every day, Amanda, George, and Rick are really upset, Emmett looks exhausted because he's trying to take care of everything and everyone so I have been trying to help him, but it's hard when I keep worrying about Dad. Dad's not talking much. He tries to stay away from people, except for Lily, but that's only because he has to be there most of the time. I don't think he wants to be around me."

Justin closes his eyes, "Gus, I am sure it isn't like that. However much other people are hurting, even you and Lily and I know you are both hurting a lot, he is probably feeling one hundred times the amount of pain that we feel. I'm sure he appreciates that you love him and want to be here for him, but he just doesn't have it in him to express that right now."

Gus just shakes his head, "He doesn't even want to sit next to anyone for more than a few minutes, let alone talk to anyone. If anyone would let him sit alone at the funeral somewhere in the back, he probably would. There have been a few moments where he acts okay...sort of. But then he gets a lot worse later, as if acting like that makes him exhausted and he can't do it anymore."

"He probably can't," Justin says softly, "And that's not because of you. It's because of what happened. It's because he's grieving and extremely sad. He's going to be like that for a long time and I hate that this happened to him. I hate that it happened to Eric. I hate that it happened to you, Lily, and the baby. None of you deserve this and I am so sorry things turned out this way. It's not fair."

Gus sniffles and covers his eyes with his left hand so Justin puts his hand over Gus's right, stroking it with his thumb until Gus is ready to say something else, if he does.

What ends up coming out of Gus's mouth makes Justin feel like shit.

"Have you talked to Dad?" Gus asks, rubbing at his eyes, "Since he came back? I know you didn't want to go to Philadelphia while everything was happening. I get why now. But m-maybe he'll talk to you if he's not really talking to Emmett, Michael, or Grandma."

Justin swallows the lump in his throat. He tries to think of an appropriate response to that. He can't tell Gus that the last time he and Brian talked, they got into a fight because that's not exactly true, not really. It was a little combative but it put Brian on the spot, made him more vulnerable than Justin has ever seen him.

It caused Brian to call Eric and ask him to come home because he likely didn't want to be alone. And now Brian is alone for good, or at least for what will likely be a significant amount of time. Eric is never coming home. Lily is lucky to be going home at all.

"I…" Justin starts, then tries again, "Gus, it's not that I don't want to-"

"Gus?"

Justin freezes at the sound of Brian's voice and has to force himself to turn his head in the direction of the sound while Gus is whipping his around immediately. When Justin finally is able to focus on Brian, see his face for the first time since all of this happened, he can see how all of this has affected him immediately. He looks exhausted and deeply sad. He looks stressed, older than he had looked just a week ago. Justin doesn't think there are new grey hairs or new lines on his face. It's just something within Brian and the fact that he's faced a horrific and tragic event that no one should experience. It's all in his eyes. 

Eyes staring right at Justin, even when Brian is saying Gus's name. Justin knows he needs to say something, anything, even though nothing can make it better. He needs-

"Hi, Dad," Gus says, quickly wiping his face as if he wants to get rid of any evidence that he was crying, to make sure Brian isn't put on the spot or doesn't become more stressed than he already is, "I'm sorry I left. I was going to come back soon."

"It's alright," Brian murmurs, finally looking down at his son before sitting next to him, "It gave me an excuse to take a break too."

Gus nods, but seems as if he's seconds away from crying all over again before he tries to distract himself, "Have you heard anything about how Lily is doing this morning?"

Brian shrugs and looks even sadder, if at all possible, "Drew is handling that. I don't know if Molly has kept him updated or not. You hear from her?"

It takes Justin a moment to even register that Brian is talking to him but feels his heart practically seize in his chest once he realizes that both Brian and Gus are looking at him. He needs to say something, he knows he needs to say something.

"I haven't heard much," Justin gets out, clearing his throat, "Hunter called to check in and see if Molly needed anything before we came here. She mentioned Lily was upset this morning but is doing better now. I guess she had Lily and Duncan making puppets and writing a play and was working on Mandarin with them before that. So maybe they'll uh...they'll have a production ready for you. I don't know."

Brian doesn't say anything at first, just continues to stare at him in bewilderment for several seconds before rasping out, "Molly's getting her to have a good time? She's doing okay?"

Justin's eyes fill with tears at the sound of hope in Brian's voice and nods, "I think so, yeah. I'm sure Molly didn't magically fix everything but she seems to be feeling okay enough to do some activities with her, at least for now."

"That…" Brian starts, looking like he's going to burst into fucking tears any second. Part of Justin wishes he would. It wouldn't be the first time he had to deal with a grown man breaking down in front of him in a relatively crowded Greenwich Village cafe. And knowing Brian, he's probably been holding it in, at least in front of other people. It might be better to get it out here, in a place where he won't have so many people trying to come over and comfort him. 

But the other part? It's relieved when Brian gets it under control. 

"I'm glad," he chokes out, "Uh...I need to get back. Gus, you don't...you don't have to go, if you don't want. Jennifer said you got really upset and that's why Justin brought you here. If you want to stay here or take the train back to the house, I'll understand-"

"I'm going," Gus says, sniffling, "I just needed a break, I swear. I'm sorry I left."

Brian shakes his head, then stands up, "Don't be sorry. Like I said, I needed the break too. You want to walk with me or do you need a few more minutes? The uh...the funeral starts in less than an hour."

Gus glances at Justin, then seems to force himself to stand up before - possibly impulsively - throwing himself at his dad's side and pulling him in a tight embrace. It may surprise or move Brian, but Justin feels like it was coming, especially with Gus feeling like Brian didn't want to be around him, only for Brian to leave the funeral home to come find him and see if he was okay. Gus knows his dad cares now. He knows Brian wants him around. That's good. Justin honestly can't say the same, he really can't, but Gus is more important here-"

"Are you coming? Or are you staying?"

The words are quiet but they come from Brian's mouth and they don't come off as annoyed or forced. They're still sad and resigned - all of the words out of Brian's mouth have been this far, as if it hurts him to even talk. Justin isn't going to deny Brian of anything right now. And even though Eric is gone, he isn't going to disrespect the man by not attending the funeral either.

"Yeah," Justin says, standing up as well, "I'm coming."

\-------------------------

The funeral is harder than Gus thought it would be. 

They don't play Amazing Grace or any of the cliche bullshit that he had heard at his Great -Grandpa Marcus's funeral. They don't bring Catholicism into the fold like the priest at Eric's grandfather's funeral had done. They don't focus on the great beyond or Eric getting his eternal reward for being a good person. 

No, his friends and family just talk about what a good person he was and keep it at that, not what might come after. Close to every single one of the people who speak start crying when it becomes too much. Rick can't get a word out that doesn't sound strangled, Amanda sniffles through her whole speech with Julian hugging her leg all while he stares at his uncle's body with fear and confusion. Eric's dad can't get more than a few words out before sitting back down while Grandma Debbie goes on a tangent about Eric that has her clutching her chest in an attempt to stay in control. And George? He starts out light. He tries to be funny and mostly succeeds by telling stories about when he and Eric were kids. But all of the sudden, he starts _sobbing_ , crying so hard that James has to usher his son out of the room because it's too much for George to handle and it's almost too much for Gus to watch. He almost resents George for making him cry too but then he thinks of how he would feel if it was his sibling, how he would feel if JR was in that coffin, how Lily almost was. 

That thought makes him cry even harder, to the point where he's crying into his hands. His dad's arm tightens around him at that point. It has been around him since before the funeral started so it doesn't require the man to move or take much initiative. It's probably for the best. Gus is afraid to look at his dad or even catch a glimpse and figure out how he's handling this. He doesn't think his dad is going to say a word, much less get up to talk, and he doesn't think anyone expects him to. To expect his dad to stand up and talk about Eric after the week he has had would be fucking cruel. Gus has a speech in his pocket. He's been working on it for days in between assignments. He told himself that he would speak for his dad, that it is his job. Even though Michael and Emmett go up sort of on behalf of the Kinney family as well, neither are Brian Kinney's son. Gus knows it would be the right thing to do for his father, the respectful thing to do for Eric, a man whom he loves - had loved, still loves - like another father. But even as the last of Eric's friends, extended family, and colleagues go up to give their favorite stories about him and they give a final call on speeches before the service concludes, Gus can't move from his seat or call out and say he has something to say. 

Why can't he just go up? Do that much for Eric and his dad? Even JR went up. JR. It had shocked him too much to make him get emotional because his sister generally doesn't like to be the center of attention. But even though Gus didn't cry, he could have sworn he heard Michael burst into tears as she stood up to walk to the front. Possibly Ben, Hunter, and his mothers too. He also knows Lily would have gone up there. It's probably partly why she's so upset she couldn't come. She might not come up with the most eloquent speech in the world and she might break down in hysterics once she got a better look at her father's body, but she definitely would have tried. 

Gus couldn't even do that much because he's a fucking coward.

They dismiss the back of the room first, to give the immediate family more time and more privacy, Gus supposes. They aren't carrying the body out. It's staying here and getting cremated in the morning. The thought makes Gus want to throw up because this means this is the last time he's going to see Eric again. He's never going to see him, this is it. Everything is done. 

After the rest of the room leaves, one of the funeral directors gets to the two front rows to dismiss them. They wait for Eric's parents, nephews, siblings, and their significant others to go first. Louisa must realize this is the end too. She collapses onto her son and cradles his face, crying something in Spanish as James gently pulls her away and gets her out of the room like he had George earlier in the service. And then it's their row. Their row isn't big. It's only him, Dad, Cynthia, as well as Debbie and Carl, standing in as parents of the widower. When the director tells them that they can leave when they are ready, Gus is already standing up and following Cynthia, Debbie, and Carl out. Even though he is fucking ready to break down at the thought of never seeing Eric again, he wants to fucking go. When he passes Eric's body, he has to tell himself that it's a shell. That it isn't Eric anymore, that Eric is probably somewhere else or maybe he's a ghost and watching everyone get super upset about his death. Gus doesn't know. Right now, he doesn't care. He just needs to get the fuck out. Gus would have thought his dad feels the same. 

But when Gus glances back to check to see if his dad is coming, he realizes that he isn't. He's still sitting down, staring at Eric's body with absolute fear and devastation, and huffing air in and out as if he can't quite get his breathing under control.

"Dad?" Gus asks, his voice cracking, "Dad, are you ready?"

Dad's expression crumples and he lets out a strangled sound as he shakes his head no. Dad opens his mouth again to talk but no words come out, just lost, soft, broken, keening cries that terrify Gus because it's obvious that Dad is still holding a lot back. Maybe he's waiting until Gus leaves or maybe he'll break completely before Gus manages to do that. He wants to comfort his dad, he does, but suddenly he feels terrified. He feels like a fucking child who just realized their parent isn't invincible. 

"Maybe we should go," Gus pleads, sniffling as he takes a step closer, "Maybe you need to take another break."

His dad's breaths come out faster and Gus watches the man cover his eyes - only for a second - before seeming to come to the conclusion that he can't see Eric that way so he shows his face again and keeps watching the body as he continues to crack. 

"Dad-" Gus starts but is cut off by someone walking into the room.

"Gus, I just wanted to make sure you were al…" his Ma starts before her eyes land on his dad, her expression becoming shockingly tender and heartbroken at the sight. 

"I don't know what to do," he whispers desperately to Ma as she makes her way back into the room. Ma briefly rubs his back, brings his head down to kiss his forehead, and tries to send him a small smile.

"Go find your mom," Ma says softly, "Or your sister. She should be with Hunter and her dads. It will be okay, Gus. It'll be fine. Go on. We'll both be out soon."

Gus nods and lets her take the reins, even though it's an odd and unlikely source of comfort for his dad. But when he hears his dad choke out, "I don't know why I'm like this right now." only for Ma to throw an arm around him and respond, "Because it would be fucking weird if you weren't?" Gus thinks she might be able to swing it and get him standing, even if it is only for a few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the funeral, part 2

Justin is already outside of the funeral home when Gus makes his way over the group. He had taken his time leaving the building and seems distraught, but won't talk about what he's feeling, not like he had at the cafe. He is standing by Hunter and Jr, with Ben, Michael, and Lindsay on the other side of him while Justin stands with his mother, Nathan, and Petra, trying not to give into his sudden need to comfort Gus. Gus doesn't need that. He has his mother and his sister. Justin just needs to step back, even if he desperately wants to know if something is going on with Brian, who has yet to come outside. It's not his business.

"Did Brian talk to you much?" Justin asks his own mother quietly, contradicting himself immediately.

Jennifer shrugs her shoulders sadly, "A little. Not a lot. He would redirect the conversation back to me whenever he could. He's not...Oh no, are those reporters?"

Justin turns his head and feels his heart sinking into his stomach at the sight of a few men and women with cameras and microphones. Jesus Christ. Brian can't see this. They can't see Brian. Justin fucking won't let them. Justin knows a few journalists, those who are committed to their craft and respectful to their subjects. These aren't journalists. 

These are fucking vultures.

But before Justin can think of a strategy to get them away or create some sort of human shield to make sure Brian and his grief don't end up as one of the headlines, Gus apparently has other plans. Plans that include storming over to the vultures in a rage after shaking his mother's hands off of his shoulder and dismissing her attempt to stop him.

"Fuck off!" Gus yells, snarling as he makes his way over, "Seriously, get the fuck out of here!"

Justin finds himself following Lindsay and hears one of the reporters huff, "Public property, kid. Besides, one half of a prominent couple getting murdered in a terrorist attack, only to have a huge funeral service in the city? That's news, whether you like it or not. So back off, unless you want to give me a sound byte."

And yeah, as soon as Justin hears the reporter's response to Gus, Justin wants to punch the guy in the face. The fucker deserves it. But he isn't going to do that - end up with an assault charge or start a fist fight at a funeral, no matter how much he wants to. He has to be above that.

Gus apparently doesn't feel any need to be. Before Justin can even blink, Gus is grabbing the man's camera and hurling it out into the street before bellowing "Bite this!" and throwing a punch so hard that it instantly gives the reporter a bloody nose.

Justin rushes over and grabs a wild, struggling Gus around the waist in order to keep him from punching the reporter again. The reporter takes the opportunity to try to retaliate, as if punching a grieving fifteen year old could ever be justified, whether said fifteen year old threw the first punch or not. Justin is contemplating whether to toss Gus behind him or off to the side in order to fight the guy himself. He suddenly doesn't care about his decision to not engage in a fist fight at a funeral. He'll fucking do it. He suddenly doesn't care. 

But before Justin can act on his rabid thoughts, both Hunter and Ben make their way between them and face the guy head on.

"Oh, you're not going near him," Hunter says, pushing the guy back.

The reporter attempts to shove Hunter but Hunter back stands his ground. Even if he hadn't been, Ben is right behind Hunter and would probably go from keeping the peace to something a bit more out of character fast if his son was hurt right in front of him. 

"Oh, is that what you think?" The reporter snarls, rubbing blood off his face as he gestures out into the street, just as a taxi hits his camera, "That teenage piece of shit ruined thousands of dollars worth of equipment! He probably broke my nose! I'm doing my fucking job here and he's committed property damage and assault! So step out of my fucking way or I'll-" 

"Or what?" Hunter asks, stepping closer, "You'll hit me while you are on the clock? Fine. Take a swing. I'm sure your rival stations that are arriving now will _love_ to plaster that all over their stations. It will probably beat out the headline you're trying to get."

The reporter clenches his fists just as Justin sees a reporter from a different station turning their camera on to film the rest of the exchange, "I'm pressing charges against that little fucker-"

"Do it! Looking forward to getting the papers, bitch!" Gus calls out, hitting a second wind that has Justin yanking him into his hold again and taking a few more steps back, all while Lindsay whispers urgently, "Gus, calm down!"

"Yeah, sure," Hunter says, shrugging, "What he said. Do it. But you'd be pressing charges against Brian Kinney's son. Smart move. He probably gives your station practically all of its advertising revenue. So not only will he have one of the best lawyers available to annihilate you in court, but he will also threaten to pull his business from the station you work for unless they fire your ass for crashing his husband's funeral and being a fucking dick to his son." 

For the first time since the conversation started, the reporter man actually looks nervous. His face turns white and he takes a step back from Hunter, who only continues to walk toward. 

"You know what?" Hunter muses, pulling out his phone, "I want to help you a little, avoid all of that. Let's just call the station now, let them know what happened, tell them that you were rude to a teenage boy outside of his step-father's funeral, so he threw your camera out into the street and punched you. What happened next? Oh, that's right. You threatened to fight him while on the clock, then threatened to press charges against the son of Brian Kinney, the CEO of the biggest and most successful advertising agency in the nation...hey, where are you going? Do you not want to clear the air?" 

But apparently the reporter doesn't want to 'clear the air'. He's already walking quickly away towards their news van, his small crew falling in line behind. 

"I suggest you all do the same," Hunter says to the two rival news crews on site, his tone and suddenly extremely commanding presence leaving no room for argument. They do it without a word.

"Fucking leeches," Hunter says, while Ben and Michael look at their son in awe. Justin is pretty sure he's looking at him the same way, "Brian's gone, right? I saw him come out with Melanie out of the corner of my eye. They get in the car waiting for them? I tried to keep that going on for as long as I could to distract them."

Justin looks around, as does Gus and everyone else who had witnessed the incident. There is no Brian in sight and Melanie can't be seen either. Justin honestly didn't notice either of them come out and he doesn't think anyone else did either. Hunter had apparently been multitasking in his efforts and had done so well that no one saw Brian leave at all. If Justin's heart weren't pounding and grief weren't still swirling around in his body, he might go as far as to say he finally gets why Molly is so attracted to Hunter. But Justin still has some of his sanity left so he won't say that at all. 

"You shouldn't have held me back," Gus mutters as Justin lets him go, "You should have let me push him in front of a taxi."

Before Justin can say a word, Lindsay gives her son a disapproving look, "Gus, you have never gotten into a fight in your life. I'm not saying that man wasn't awful, but-"

"I don't care what you have to say," Gus cuts her off before walking towards the subway station. The rest of them have no choice but to fall in step behind.

"I don't know what to do with him," Lindsay says softly, causing Justin to look at her, "I know he's a teenager, but I have never seen his moods so out of control. He apologized to us the other day for how he's been but now...I don't know."

Justin nods and glances at the back of Gus. Even his walk looks angry.

"He's a kid," Justin says, keeping his eyes on him, "And he's going through something terrible. From what I understand, Lily is acting out too? It may come out different, but it's the same concept."

Lindsay nods and lets out a breath, "Ironic, considering Gus is upset by how Lily has been acting the last few days."

Justin feels his chest ache at the mention of the little girl, "How has she been doing?"

Lindsay briefly closes her eyes and lets out a breath, "Not well. I feel so awful for her. She's throwing tantrums frequently, yelling at people over nothing, having terrible nightmares, and clinging onto Brian to an extent I have never seen from her before. She can usually deal if she knows he will only be gone briefly and is left with certain people. But if she doesn't know exactly when he will be back or if she deems the time he will be gone as too long, she is hysterical and can be hateful. From what I understood from Emmett, she told Brian she hated him last night right before he left. Drew said she was still mad at him this morning and said she never wants to see him again."

Justin bites his lip, "It's normal for kids to say stuff like that, especially when they are going through something they can't process. I know I did. I was older, but I said shit like that to both of my parents when I was twelve or thirteen and to my mom after I woke up from the bashing."

"I said 'I hate you' to Michael and Ben some," Hunter says, appearing on the other side of Justin and falling into step, "More than just some at first. I was testing them. I wanted to see how long it took before they kicked me out because I was fucked up in the head back then and they were safe people that I cared about. I never said crap like that to Rita and James and that wasn't because I loved them more. I legitimately never trusted them or felt comfortable enough to test them out like that. I was scared of them and what they would do to me or - with my mom - make me do. Lily is acting that way towards Brian the most because she trusts him the most. It sucks for him, but he needs to know it weirdly comes from Lily's love and respect for him. She feels abandoned by Eric, scared of being abandoned by her other dad, and wants Brian to prove her wrong." 

Justin thinks on Hunter's words as they walk down the steps, then turns to them as they wait for everyone to catch up at the turnstile, Gus waiting on the other side of it stubbornly.

"You know," Justin starts, turning to Hunter to catch his attention, "You may have been a shit when you were a teenager - for the understandable reasons that you mentioned - but you are very perceptive, capable, and mature now. I'm glad Ben and Michael proved you wrong and stuck it out. You grew up to be pretty awesome."

Hunter takes a step back and puts a hand on his chest, already causing Justin to roll his eyes, "That is by far the nicest thing you have ever said to me. I don't know if I like it."

Justin huffs out a laugh, "Don't make me take it back, I already want to. I'm uh...I'm going to let it stay out there though, after what you managed to do, intimidating that reporter into backing down and getting those news crews to leave like it was nothing. I was impressed."

Hunter shrugs, "Used my hustling skills to get them to believe in whatever I was saying, even if some of it was bullshit. Plus, my job literally requires me to manage camera crews. They sensed the cinematographer in me and knew they had to listen."

"That…" Justin starts, then shakes his head, "Hunter, that literally makes no sen-"

"Are we talking about how much of a boss my son is?" Michael asks, looking a strange combination of sad and proud as the rest of the group catches up. Justin only winces slightly at leaving his mother, Nathan, and Petra behind, "There is a reason he is the best DP under thirty, managing them and getting them to just fall in line like that."

"You know what? Whatever," Justin says, already losing interest on the topic as he watches Nathan go through the turnstile to stand next to Gus, "Sure, Hunter's managerial and creative skills carry across all camera crews, regardless of whether he is affiliated with them or not."

"That's the conclusion I came to, yeah," Michael agrees, the rest of them following Hunter through the turnstile to wait for the train to Brian's.

\--------------------------------

"This one is named…" Lily starts, inspecting the sewn together monster puppet closely, "Papa."

Molly holds back a sigh and tries to think of a way to get Lily to reconsider. She wouldn't be against it normally. If imaginative play helped Lily process, then she would usually be for it. 

She just doesn't know if Brian would be, and she isn't going to step on his toes when he's grieving.

"I don't know," Molly says, looking at the puppet as well, "Your papa was a lot better looking. He didn't have green skin either. Maybe someday we can make a puppet that looks like your Papa, but we should probably make something completely new up today."

"Why?" Lily asks, her expression hardening.

Molly can't think of any bullshit that will dissuade her, so she tells her the truth, "Because we are putting on a play for your daddy, right? So we can cheer up and your Daddy can cheer up. Your Daddy had a really rough day. He's going to be sad when he gets here. It might make him more sad to see a papa puppet."

"So sad that he'll cry?" Lily asks, sounding fearful.

Molly shrugs, "Maybe. I don't know. It's okay for him or anyone else to cry, but we want to try to make him smile today, right?" 

Lily watches Molly for several seconds with big eyes, then nods slowly, "Yes. I want Daddy to be happy when he gets back. I wasn't nice to him yesterday. I want to be nice today. When I think about saying mean stuff to Daddy, my heart hurts bad. I just-"

Lily breaks off and sniffles, causing Duncan to scoot in closer, "I was nice before but now I'm _mean_. Yesterday after lunch, Gussy said I was mean. It hurt my feelings. I don't know why I am mean now. I just get so mad and I don't know why."

Molly nods and rubs Lily's shoulder, "You have had a bad week. No one expects you to be happy all of the time. Sometimes, we say things we don't mean when we feel too much. It builds up more and more and then we say stuff we don't mean, sometimes to the wrong person. It just happens. What's important is what we do after. It's important to say sorry, talk to them about why we were upset, and to try to make the person we yelled at smile again."

Lily nods and looks at the puppet again, "I want to make my daddy smile. He tries sometimes but it doesn't look right, not like before."

Lily lets out at a breath and holds the puppet up, "Shlorgashnoff. That's his name. It's 'cause he's an alien, so his name isn't like other names because he's not like other people."

Duncan looks at the puppet incredulously, "Shornashgoff?"

" _Shlor-gash-noff_ ," Lily enunciates before both children burst into giggles. 

\----------------------------

Brian has never felt out of place in his own home. But ever since coming back from Philadelphia, he doesn't feel welcome within it and the anxiety building over people invading the space doesn't help either. 

His mother-in-law is bustling around the kitchen moments within arriving with the rest of her family, as well as Emmett and Drew. From Brian's limited understanding of Spanish, she's muttering about what dishes need prepared first. Everytime Emmett steps in to help and insists she take a break, she snaps at him and forgets to switch back to English. 

"Mrs. Davisson," Emmett says nervously, holding his hands out in a placating manner, "You just seem tired. I don't think you should overwork-"

"I cook better than any of you!" She snaps, throwing a spatula down on Brian's counter, "I will cook!"

"Let her do it," Brian says tiredly, rubbing his eyes, "She cooks when she's pissed off."

"I just…" Emmett starts, looking around the room then seems to look defeated, "I will find something else to do, I suppose. Do you need anything done?"

"No," Brian says, his voice sounding dead. 

"Well, I'll…" Emmett starts, "I will just go help Drewsie, your father-in-law, and Melanie with moving the chairs. Make sure everyone can be comfortable." 

Brian doesn't really care what Emmett does to keep himself busy. Although now he wishes that he had cared enough to keep him in the kitchen with him. Because now? He's with Louisa alone. That hasn't happened in a long time and it definitely hasn't happened since his in-laws arrived for all of...this.

But he should try to be around her, try to be here for the woman who just lost her son, no matter how much fucking pain he is in and no matter how much he wants to walk down to the promenade, climb over the railing and walk down until he hits the river and can force himself to drown. She might be thinking the same fucked up, selfish shit he is and Brian honestly doesn't want her to be in pain. He doesn't want anyone to feel the pain that he is feeling and if she is feeling that way, then it is his fault-

"I think…" Louisa starts, pulling Brian from his thoughts as she turns around to look at him, "I think Lily should stay with us once she's doing better."

Brian blinks and he doesn't even know what to think or say because he isn't even comprehending what Louisa is trying to talk about with him, "For a visit? You want me to bring her down to see you for a week or two?"

Louisa's mouth turns into a grim line, "No, not like that. I think she needs to be with her family."

Brian's heart begins thumping more quickly in his chest as his mouth goes dry and he tries to stay calm, "She does need to be with family. I agree with that. It's why I have barely left the hospital."

"Her blood family. She should primarily live with them," Louisa clarifies, "So that she can stay connected with her father and his heritage-"

"I'm her father!" Brian snaps, standing up and slamming a hand down on the island counter, "She will stay connected to Eric through me!"

"You don't know Spanish and it was important to Eric that his kids speak it. She knows it now but if she doesn't use it she will forget it-"

"Then I will get Lily, the baby, and even myself a fucking tutor!" Brian hisses, taking a few deep breaths before trying to will himself to calm down, "Look, I get you are concerned. I want Lily to be close with you all and I think we should start working on that so things are smooth between us. I know you don't care for me, but -"

"You would still see her. You would be able to whenever you want," Louisa says abruptly as she cuts up peppers, "I'm not heartless."

Brian shakily exhales and waits for Louisa to meet his eyes, "Taking her from her remaining parent would be pretty fucking heartless, Louisa. Taking her from her sister who is going to fucking be here in roughly six weeks-"

"She would come with us too," Louisa says quietly, "If she's Eric's blood, then she should be with us too."

Brian stares at the woman and feels insane. He feels legitimately insane. He feels like screaming at her. He briefly fantasizes of stabbing her with the fucking knife she's holding. He doesn't feel in control, yet he somehow doesn't manage to scream or commit murder.

"And if she's not?" Brian rasps out, walking closer, "What if she turns out to be mine biologically, huh? Are you still going to try to fight me in court for both of them? Or are you just going to be set on ripping Lily away from me and her sister, make her feel like she's less to me than that baby? You think that would be fucking healthy for her?"

Louisa sniffles and turns back towards the food, "You aren't capable right now. You are in a lot of pain. I know I would be if James passed. We would be doing you a favor. So you can focus on yourself and move on."

"Move on?" Brian chokes out, " _Move on_? You are telling me to move on from my husband today? You want me to move on from my _daughter_? Fuck you, Louisa! Fuck. You."

But Louisa doesn't say another word. Tears are in her eyes and she just continues to cut up the peppers stubbornly, making it clear that the conversation is over for now. It makes Brian feel angrier and it makes him feel guiltier. Angry that she said it at all and guilty that she might be right. Maybe Lily would be better off living somewhere else, with Eric's family and not with him. He thinks about ending it several times a day. He could wait until Lily has gotten over him and moved on herself. She's young. She could probably do that, grow up a little and no longer think of him as a father. He would only act on it after that.

The thought is selfish and it makes him feel sick. But keeping Lily when he's thinking shit like this probably isn't healthy either. It's definitely selfish too.

He can't do this. He can't fucking do this. Not now. He doesn't want to be around everyone. 

He wants to be alone.

\--------------------------------

Brian is noticeably missing from the dinner. He isn't there when Justin arrives and he isn't there when everyone sits down to eat. He's not there for the inevitable seconds Louisa forces upon everyone. The food is wonderful but not a lot of people are in the mood to chow down, except for Debbie and Ted, who are probably stress eating.

"Is Brian even here?" Hunter asks, either reading Justin's thoughts or happening to wonder the same exact thing.

"I haven't seen him," Justin says quietly, pushing the food around on this plate. He stares at his plate for several moments, then stands up to walk away from Hunter and towards Emmett instead.

"Hey," Justin says quietly to get Emmett's attention, "Do you uh...Do you know where Brian is? I haven't seen him since leaving the funeral home."

Emmett purses his lips and glances at the steps, "He's upstairs. I couldn't find him once I realized he wasn't here when the food was ready. Scared me to death and I thought I looked everywhere in the house. He wasn't answering his phone and I thought he might have…anyway, he's in one of the guest rooms. I think he's tired. He said he didn't want to come downstairs, declined me bringing him a plate, and that he just wants to be alone. He wouldn't talk about anything. I think he's just waiting until everyone leaves."

Justin nods and looks at the stairs as well, "Would it be okay if…forget it, if you can't get him out of his head-"

"Go ahead and try, baby," Emmett says, then turns pleading eyes to him, "You haven't really talked to him since everything happened, right?"

No, he hasn't. But even as Justin finds himself walking up the stairs, he isn't sure what he can talk to Brian about. He needs to tell him how sorry he is about Eric. He knows he needs to say something on the matter, since he really hasn't yet. He doesn't know why he is struggling so hard with that. It wouldn't be a lie. He is sorry. He's so fucking sorry. Justin's heart is breaking for Brian right now. But sorry sounds so meaningless and it won't make anything better. If anything, it could make Brian feel pitied and Justin knows from experience that Brian doesn't like feeling pitied, that even this grown and changed Brian doesn't want people feeling sorry for him since the life this man cultivated had been one to be envied.

And now it's been shattered.

When he knocks on the guest room door, it inches open. He had thought if he had knocked and Brian hadn't answered, Justin could say that he tried and leave Brian alone if that's what the man wanted or needed. That should be coming first right now anyway. But even though Brian doesn't invite him in, the door opens freely with the minimum force of Justin's knocks, causing a gap just wide enough to reveal Brian completely. He isn't lying down like Justin thought he might be. He's sitting on the side of the bed, clutching a pillow that's balanced on his lap and he's hiding his face into, as if he is exhausted but refuses to lie down or he's trying to smother himself in his sleep. But Justin realizes that Brian isn't asleep when the man lifts his head, his eyes only slightly bloodshot from with exhaustion, crying, or both. Justin opens his mouth to offer his condolences but something else comes out instead.

"Do you want to get out of here?"

\-------------------------

Justin manages to get Brian out of the house without people noticing, except for Drew who doesn't say much about it when he sees the two of them at the front door. He just sees that they are putting their coats on and silently holds out the keys to his SUV and says, "Let me know where you want to meet tonight so that I can get them back to take Duncan home."

It's easier to drive Brian, or at least that's what Justin had thought when they initially got to the car. In some ways, it's true. Driving Brian makes it so there are no strangers in the mix. No foot traffic or people bustling in and out of train cars. No uber or taxi driver trying to make conversation. In that regard, it makes things better.

On the other hand, it makes the ride completely silent. He doesn't know if Brian feels uncomfortable with the silence or if he simply doesn't care. All Justin knows is that he doesn't quite know what to say now, so he just drives Brian around until he's over in Williamsburg.

"I know you probably aren't hungry," Justin says quietly, finally breaking the silence that has been persisting since leaving the house, "But you should eat something. Maybe get some food that's easy on your stomach. This ramen place I know is good. Has sushi and stuff too-"

"Fine," Brian says and Justin shuts up until they get to the restaurant and Justin ends up ordering for the both of them since Brian simply doesn't seem to care about looking at the menu to choose for himself. They don't talk as they wait and they don't talk as the food is put in front of them. Justin digs into his while Brian doesn't touch his own bowl. It should be the other way around. Brian hasn't eaten and Justin is fucking full from the dinner back at the house. But eating gives Justin something to do other than sitting there because just sitting silently with Brian is starting to get nerve-wracking and-

"Louisa wants Lily to live in North Carolina with them."

The words stab through the silence like a knife and Justin forces himself to swallow the remaining noodles and broth in his mouth before answering, "Well, tough shit. If she wants to see Lily, then she can come to see both of you or invite you both down to visit. She can't fucking take her just because she wants to."

Brian nods absentmindedly, staring at nothing for a moment before responding, "She...She made some good points. She would be more connected to Eric through them and I'm uh...I'm not fit right now. To take care of a kid."

Justin's heart feels like he's sinking in his chest at the words. He feels the need to reach out and take Brian's hand but he holds himself back, keeps himself from giving Brian any physical comfort because he has no idea how he'll respond to it, but he must hesitate too long because Brian looks away and seems almost ashamed for admitting what he's been thinking.

"Brian," Justin says, clearing his throat, "Brian, hey, look at me."

Brian hesitates too, but Justin waits him out. Fuck appropriate social timing. 

"You have plenty of help here," Justin says softly, "You don't have to feel on top of things right now to continue being Lily's dad. A lot of people want to help you. The right way, not the way Louisa is proposing. You might feel alone right now, but I promise that you are not. Don't let that woman get into your head. Please. I feel for her and I know she's hurting. Maybe in some weird way, she's trying to make up with Eric. But he would not want Lily with anyone else but you. You know that. And Lily would not want to be with anyone else but you. You know that too. Her living with someone else would end up hurting both of you. You are her dad. Fuck genetics. You're more her family than her grandparents are, you're the closest family she has." 

Brian shakes his head and sniffles, "She fucking hates me. She told me last night-"

"And if you weren't in the headspace you are in right now, you would have thought she was being dramatic," Justin finishes, "She's hurting and she took it out on you because she feels the safest around you."

Brian blinks several times then covers his face for a few moments. Just as Justin is preparing himself for a potential breakdown, Brian puts his hands down and takes the napkin off his lap, "I should go back to the hospital. I told her I would be back tonight. I already have a bag there. Can you give me a ride?"

Justin nods then gestures towards Brian's untouched meal, "As long as you take that back with you and eat it when you feel like you can."

The ride to the hospital is silent too, but it's a lot more comfortable than before.

\-------------------

"Are you still medtating, Duncan?"

Molly looks up from her book at the sound of the whisper and rolls her eyes when she sees Lily peeking out from underneath her cucumber slice. 

"I'm still medtating," Lily lies in a soft voice when Duncan doesn't answer from the loveseat, "I _like_ medtating. I like it because you get to put cream on your face and vegetables on your eyes and you listen to weird music."

"Lily," Molly whispers, redirecting her attention away from the actually successfully meditating little boy, "Relax. Five more minutes. Clear your mind, which means no talking inside of your head or outside of it. It calms you down, remember?"

"Yes, yes it does," Lily agrees, then settles back down.

It's quiet for three and a half minutes. Molly is honestly shocked that they are able to stay quiet for as long as they have, Duncan more so than Lily since Lily keeps breaking every few minutes to check on her surroundings but even she is more successful than Molly thought she would be. She might have made it the full five minutes if Brian hadn't walked in. Justin too. 

Brian doesn't break Lily's concentration immediately and Molly watches him closely as he takes off his winter coat before watching his daughter. His expression changes from deeply depressed to incredulous to almost amused.

"You going to start chanting a mantra soon?" Brian asks, causing Lily to flip the cucumbers off of her eyelids in excitement. Molly watches her closely as Lily opens her mouth, likely to give Brian her typical squeal of joy, but seems to second guess herself or feel self-conscious. Lily studies Brian closely, looking as if she's yearning for him but is worried about something.

"Hi, Daddy," she says softly, trying to smile at him hopefully before biting the inside of her cheek, "I'm sorry I yelled at you. I was very mad and I don't know why. I am really, really sorry."

Brian sucks in a breath and Molly is instantly worried he might get emotional over Lily's apology. She couldn't blame him. He's obviously had a rough day. She just knows Lily wouldn't be able to read into that and would probably get upset too.

But Brian manages to rein it in and tries to smile at the little girl, "It's okay. I'm not upset with you. I know you didn't mean it. You were having a hard day."

Lily nods seriously and looks down at her blanket, "Really hard."

Brian slowly walks over and sits on the side of Lily's hospital bed, where she instantly scoots over to lean against Brian, getting her face mask on his suit jacket in the process. Brian doesn't seem to care, Armani or not.

"You have a better day today?" Brian asks softly, his arm around her.

Lily nods, "Yes. Duncan and me wrote a book! It's in Spanish! I transdavid. And we made puppets and built a puppet stage and we wrote a play! We made galaxy jars and a board game too! And now, we are medtating because that's what I do now."

"Duncan actually might be asleep," Molly notices in amusement, considering he hasn't reacted to Brian and Justin coming in at all.

"That sounds like a good day," Brian smiles, "I'm really happy you had a good time."

"Molly is the best," Lily says insistently, "She's so smart and so pretty. I asked if she could do my makeup and she said not today but she did my nails and put stuff on my face to make it all soft and nice. I got to wash it off now. I was keeping myself occpeed while I waited by medtating but now it's time to wash it off. Will you help me?"

Brian nods and briefly goes to the bathroom, only to come back out with a couple of wet washcloths. Lily waits patiently as her father washes her face.

"Is it soft?" Lily asks, taking her father's hand to put it on her face. Brian strokes her face a few times before pressing a kiss to Lily's forehead.

"Softer than a baby," Brian says and Lily does a double take.

"I am _not_ a baby," Lily reminds him, but then gets excited, "You want to watch my play?"

"Of course," Brian says, then glances at Duncan, "But your costar is down for the count. It might have to be postponed for now."

Lily looks at Duncan and lets out a sigh, "I 'pose. Another day. Soon. Maybe tomorrow. We can read my book tonight though. In English, if you want. I can do both, I don't mind. Don't worry, Daddy. It's not a sad book. It's a funny book. So, SO funny. In Spanish and in English."

Brian nods, "We can read it both ways. I'm looking forward in seeing what you came up with."

"It's so good," Lily says confidently. 

"I got a text from Drew," Justin says, causing Molly's head to turn, "They said they didn't mind meeting us back at the apartment. To get Duncan and the car. Brian...do you uh...do you want one of us to stay?"

Brian looks at Lily for a long moment and doesn't take his eyes off of her when he says, "We'll be fine." 

Justin gets Duncan up and washes his face before picking the half asleep boy up, along with his backpack. Together, Molly, Justin, and Duncan make their way down the hall. They are almost to the elevator when Molly feels a hand on her shoulder, causing her to turn around. 

"I wanted to give you this," Brian says, ripping a check out of the book, "I know Drew is paying you too but you...Lily's my kid and you made her…"

Brian doesn't finish his sentence and hands the check over instead.

Molly looks down at the check and gapes, "Brian, I don't want this."

"It's a fair payment, I think," Brian says, "Unless you want to negotiate for more."

"More than a thousand dollars for watching two kids for the day?" Molly says incredulously, "You know that's a ridiculous amount, right?"

"I make a lot more a day," Brian shrugs, "You managed to do something that I couldn't. So please, just take it. And cash it. Don't let it sit there."

Molly lets out a breath, "Okay, if you really ins-"

Before Molly can finish her sentence, Brian yanks her into an impulsive hug before letting her go and walking back towards Lily's room without another word.

\------------------------------

"You did good, Molly."

Molly turns her head at the sound of Justin's voice and accepts the glass of wine he hands her before sipping it briefly while she pets Katniss and glances at the door every so often as she waits for Hunter to come back with Archimedes. Apparently, he chose a long walk tonight. 

**You good?** she texts him, only to quickly get a response back.

**Not dead in a back alley.**

"I'm serious," Justin says softly, "Brian...He was not doing well today. At all. He didn't go to dinner. He got into a fucked up argument with his mother-in-law. For him to come back to a relatively happy Lily? He really fucking needed that. It was like-"

"She saw," Molly interrupts, making herself look at Justin as she says it as Justin looks confused.

"She saw what?" Justin asks, confused.

"She saw something," Molly says, "I don't know how much, but she saw what happened to Eric. She talked about how he should have ran away from the bad men. She didn't want to say anything else. But she saw."

Justin's face goes pale and he shakily exhales, "...Fuck. Mol...Molly, no."

"I know Brian needs to know," Molly continues, looking away, "But I couldn't bring myself to do that to him today. I thought...I thought maybe I can tell Emmett and Drew and they can let him know, or at least let him know with me. Apparently, Duncan remembers his biological dad getting killed. He says he's never said anything to his dads and he only brought it up because Lily was talking about a bad man hurting Eric. So that needs to be discussed with Emmett and Drew too."

"Jesus Christ," Justin says, standing up and putting his hands on his head, pacing slowly around the room before turning around, "Why the fuck are you so easy to confide in?"

"My sunny and non-judgmental disposition," Molly says in a deadpan voice.

"Damn it," Justin chokes out as Hunter walks in with the puppy, the only being in the apartment who is truly happy and carefree at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed and aren't too upset. This story is going to get rough. :/ Let me know what you think!


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